10 Point Checkup Test for Finding Keeping Lasting Loving 1

10-Point Checkup Test for Finding & Keeping Lasting Loving

Over the last 15 years of studying, teaching and working 1-1 with 100’s of men and women… I’ve found a core set of “relationship success factors” that you absolutely must master and implement in order to attract the one you want and together build a healthy, hot and happy relationship.  


Use this list as a Checkup Test…


just like a doctor might… to see just how well you are set up for lasting relationship love, intimacy, passion, and happiness.  

Don’t work… if you don’t “score” as high as you’d like.  It’s ALL CURABLE… IT’S ALL CHANGEABLE. I promise. I’ve changed and improved ALL of these in my life!

1.  “You can’t love another until you love yourself.” 
As much as you might not want to hear me say it, it’s the truth. Do you truly love and honor yourself? If you can’t say a 100% emphatic yes to this, it’s a must-have deal-breaker. That’s your starting place. (I tried for nearly 20 years to pretend this wasn’t true. Please don’t put yourself through that unnecessary pain and heartbreak.)

2. Hold a complete vision of the relationship you want and remove all the obstacles and barriers to it (even if you’re already in a relationship). Do you have a vision of how you’ll show up in the relationship? How your partner will show up?  How you’re showing up together in partnership? Do you have any obstacles like doubts, judgments, fears, limiting beliefs, bad habits? Without this, you’re not going to find a good fit… “your one”.

3. You must know your sexual essence – your predominant masculine and feminine energy – and start living it fully – especially with the opposite sex. Have you lost touch with your feminine radiance and grace or your masculine mojo? If so, you’ll regularly end up in the friend and roommate zone. Your sexual essence is the spark that is the source of lasting chemistry, attraction, and passion.

4.  You need to completely clean up any and all baggage from past relationships. (This doesn’t mean sweeping it under the rug or distracting yourself with a new relationship.) Have you fully forgiven and released any blame or resentment from your past relationships? If not, you’ll silently sabotage any future relationship. Conscious endings rituals and exercises done today to ensure you’re ready to fully love and be loved, even if the relationship ended 20 years ago.

5.  You must have space in your life for a partner. This means space in your home, schedule, and heart for a partner to step into. Does your schedule allow ample time for dating and relating? Do you have walls of protection around your heart? If you don’t create space in both your inner and outer world, no matter how great your profile is or how often you go out, you won’t meet your one.

6. Men and women are different. We have different biological wiring, different needs, different communication styles, different turns-ons. Do you understand all the ways men and women are different? Without this key knowledge you’ll suffer much more frustration and disconnection and experience much less happiness and harmony in your dating and relating.

7. Flirting, courting and body language are key parts of the “language of love” and the “dance of passion”. Do you confidently flirt, even if you’re in a relationship? Do you know when to pursue and when to be pursued? Do you understand the “indicators of interest” of the opposite sex? If not, you’re at a distinct disadvantage in the dating pool and your relationship won’t be as hot as you want it to be.  

8. Conscious Beginnings Set the Foundation for lasting love. Do you (or did you) communicate consciously about the transition from dating to a relationship? Do you discuss important agreements? Do you discuss upfront how you’ll handle upsets consciously together? If not, it’s a setup for pain and frustration. You need to build a solid foundation for love to grow, or it’s likely to crumble and you won’t know why.

9. Upsets will happen. How you handle them is a key determiner of the likelihood of the success of a relationship. Do you know how to consciously handle upsets and challenges? Do you openly speak about your feelings (especially when they’re hurt)? Do you know the key elements to quickly diffuse an upset? These skills will serve you well in sustaining a relationship and keeping it happy.

10. Emotional intimacy AND passionate lovemaking are essential for a healthy, hot and happy relationship. Do you let yourself be vulnerable with a partner? Do you let yourself FULLY express your sexuality and passionately share it with your partner? These essential elements of relationship deepen the love and connection over the years. 

Having it is up to you… (That means you can’t blame it on “all the good ones are gone”… or any other similar story.) I know that’s hard to hear, but I’m committed to you having the love you deserve.

Is it time to take action? We invite you to schedule a private session (plan for at least 60 minutes)… or contact another mentor… it doesn’t matter… I simply invite you to take a stand for love. 

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti


*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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