130 Dating Questions: Predict Your Compatibility for Sustained Soul Love

The dating questions you most want to ask a potential partner will not always be the most comfortable ones. Asking good questions of your potential romantic partner will serve both of your hearts well over the long term, whether you eventually enter into a relationship or not. 

In dating most people want to find out if they have the compatibility it takes to sustain a relationship over the long term. With that, most people, when asking dating questions, focus on finding all the similarities while waiting too long to see their differences. Alignment surely counts when it comes to lasting love and knowing where you have disconnects, different needs, wants, desires, values and visions also matters. Differences don’t mean you can’t have a great relationship but denied and ignored differences can have a devastating impact.

To make sure you consider all aspects of yourself, each other, and your future relationship we’ll break these most important dating questions down into the twelve major categories, or aspects, of intimate relationships. Some topics you’ll want to explore sooner rather than later. Others you’ll want to wait on until you’ve established a trusted connection that allows for the intimacy that will surely develop. 

You’ll find the category about physical intimacy to be twice as long because it’s a topic that too many new couples find uncomfortable and avoid. Be sure to explore these critical questions. At the end, in the last section, you’ll find 10 questions with a scoring system that will help predict compatibility and sustainability. Your score can help you decide what steps you might want to take now to increase your chances of attracting and sustaining true love. 

Finally, before introducing these dating questions, remember to listen to hear what is actually said, not just what you want to hear. Honor the answers that feel amazing and honor the answers that make you think twice. If you experience and take in the whole of the person – the good, the bad, and even the ugly – you’ll have the data, yes data, you need to decide whether this might be your forever partner. 

If you know them well and you still decide to build a relationship together, if you know you can love this person fully despite their flaws, then you have set the stage for deep soul love. 

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Dating questions about love

1. What makes you feel loved? Words? Actions? Expressions? Experiences?
2. What makes you feel unloved?
3. What opens your heart?
4. When do you close your heart?
5. What absolutely melts your heart?
6. What have you longed for in love but never experienced?
7. How do you know you are loved?
8. How do you know if you’re in love?
9. Do you ever question, doubt or distrust love? Why?
10. What makes love true for you?

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Dating questions about fun and romance

11. If we were in a relationship and were snowed in together for the weekend, how would you want to spend our time together?
12. What do you like to do on Saturday mornings? Sunday mornings?
13. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? Why?
14. How would you describe your ideal date if you had no concerns about time or money?
15. What does great fun look like for you?
16. What do you do for fun by yourself?
17. How do you and your friends have fun together?
18. Do you like romance? Why or why not?
19. What are your favorite romantic gestures? To express? To receive?
20. Do you like to be silly? Why or why not? What’s the best way for me to be silly with you?

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Dating questions about your future visions and dreams 

21. How would you describe the long term relationship or marriage you’ve dreamed about or desired? 
22. [If they don’t have children… ]Do you want to have children? If so, how many? When would you like to start a family?
23. [If they already have children] What is your relationship like with your children? How do you imagine eventually integrating a new partner and your children?
24. What are your biggest fears when it comes to having a family or blending a family?
25. What type of a home do you see yourself living in? In what kind of a neighborhood? In a city or the suburbs?
26. What are the top 3 things on your life “bucket list”?
27. Would you like to travel in the future? If so, do you want to travel alone or with your partner? What place(s) would you most like to visit?
28. How do you imagine your retirement?
29. What’s your biggest and scariest dream?
30. What’s your life’s calling or purpose?

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Questions about self love

31. What does self love mean to you?
32. What has been your journey of self love? Have you always loved you? Ever hated you? When did you start loving yourself?
33. On a scale of 1-10, how accepting are you of yourself, including your flaws and weaknesses? Why did you choose the number you chose?
34. What’s the biggest self judgement you have about yourself? 
35. Have you done anything to turn that judgement into acceptance? If so, what was that like?
36. Where are you on your own priority list?
37. What daily and weekly self care practices do you have?
38. How easy is it for you to receive? 
39. How easy is it for you to share your needs? 
40. How can I support you in your self love practices?

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Dating questions about the past

41. What’s your favorite childhood memory? What makes it your favorite?
42. What’s your favorite adult memory? What makes it your favorite?
43. How did your family express love? How did your family deny love?
44. How do you express and deny love now?
45. What made your most embarrassing moment so embarrassing?
46. What have you vowed you’ll never do or experience again?
47. How did you create challenges in your last relationship?
48. What have you done to shift those patterns?
49. Are you still holding any bitterness or resentment towards any of your ex’s?
50. If so, are you in the process of releasing that pain so you don’t carry it into your next relationship?

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Dating questions about sex

51. Do you prefer the phrase making love or having sex? Why?
52. What would you need before you’re willing to make love with me?
53. What are your biggest turn-ons outside the bedroom?
54. What increases or amplifies your turn on once you’re being physically intimate?
55. What’s your greatest turn off outside the bedroom? 
56. When do you crave sex? When do you resist or avoid sex?
57. What does foreplay mean to you? What’s the best foreplay for you?
58. What turns you off once you’re being physically intimate?
59. Are you interested in Tantra or Sacred Sexuality?
60. What’s your favorite body part of a lover? Why is it your favorite?
61. Is lingerie a turn on or turn off?
62. When should a couple have sex for the first time?
63. When are you happiest sexually?
64. What have you longed for but not yet experienced sexually?
65. What are the sexual fantasies you have that you’re most nervous to share?
66. What are you most afraid of when it comes to getting physically intimate with a new partner?
67. What is your sexual health? When were you last tested for STDs? What were you tested for?
68. What is a sexual taboo or no-no for you?
69. What is your favorite position? Why? What position do you avoid? Why?
70. What do you find most sexy in a partner?

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Dating questions about your lifestyles

71. What does partnership mean to you?
72. What do you like to spend money on?
73. What is your relationship to money? 
74. How do you desire to manage finances between you and a spouse (or long term live-in partner) in the future?
75. How do you feel about monogamy? Non-monogamy?
76. How do you currently balance work and play? Would you like to change anything about that?
77. Does living healthy matter to you? If so, how do you live healthy?
78. How close are you with your family? What would you like your relationship with your family to be like once you’re in a long term relationship?
79. Do you want to eventually get married? Why or why not?
80. We all have some ways that we, at least at times, distract ourselves from difficult situations or emotions. How do you distract yourself? What are your “go to” ways to “let go”?

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Questions about spirituality

81. Are you religious, spiritual, atheist, or something else?
82. Do you believe in or trust a “higher” power or presence greater than yourself?
83. Is the phrase “Divine Union” meaningful to you? If so, what does it mean to you?
84. Do you believe in miracles? Why or why not?
85. How do you connect with a higher power, if you believe one exists?
86. What does soulmate mean to you? Are you looking for a soulmate?
87. What spiritual practices do you have?
88. Do you believe in prayer?  What does prayer look like for you?
89. Do sex and spirituality have a relationship for you?
90. What does “faith” and/or “trust” mean to you? When have you lost faith or trust in life? What have you done to rebuild that?

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Are you able to relate consciously, even in conflict

91. What does conscious dating and relating mean to you?
92. When do you tend to overreact?
93. What do you do when you realize you’ve gone into an unconscious reaction?
94. Would you say you are more likely to take too much or too little responsibility for an upset in a relationship?
95. Do you tend to “inflate” and get louder, bigger, or more assertive in the face of an upset or do you tend to “deflate” and get smaller, quieter, and more withdrawn? Do you do both?
96. What helps most to end an upset for you?
97. When are you most likely to blame your partner?
98. How comfortable are you with conflict? Do you avoid it or embrace it?
99. What matters most to you when there has been a misunderstanding?
100. What do you most need when your feelings have been hurt?

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Dating questions about intimacy

101. What does intimacy mean to you?
102. What types of intimacy matter most to you?
103. How do physical and emotional intimacy relate for you?
104. When do you feel most close to someone?
105. What makes you want to pull away and close down?
106. What do you wish more people saw in you?
107. What is it you’re most afraid I’ll see in you?
108. Are you able to feel and express your emotions?  What makes this easier for you?  Harder?
109. How do you feel about being vulnerable? Would you be open to expanding your capacity for vulnerability?
110. When do you become afraid of intimacy? When your fears of intimacy arise are you willing to share them with me?

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Dating questions about your unique souls and personality patterns?

111. What are your love languages?
112. What is your attachment style?
113. What would make you feel rejected? 
114. What experiences make you feel abandoned?
115. What is sacred to you?
116. What makes your soul sing? (In other words what lights you up or excites you most in the world?)
117. If you could eliminate one emotion from the world, such that no one ever had to feel that way again, what would it be?
118. Why does your soul want to be in a relationship? 
119. What do you see as the purpose of a romantic relationship?
120. What is your soul purpose or soul calling?

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Specific dating questions that predict compatibility and sustainability

For this last set of dating questions, for each question rate yourself on a scale from 1-10, where 1 indicates that you never embody or express the qualities or practice described and 10 indicates that you always embody that practice.

121. Are you committed to authenticity no matter what, even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable?
122. Are you willing to let yourself be seen by another in both your strengths and weaknesses?
123. Are you willing to listen to hear as much as you speak to be heard?
124. Do you have the courage and compassion to truly accept the good, the bad, and even the ugly in yourself?
125. Do you have the courage and compassion to truly accept the good, the bad, and even the ugly in another?
126. Are you committed to working through conflicts rather than stuffing misunderstandings and hurts under the “rug”?
127. Are you willing to express your needs, whats, and desires to your partner?
128. Are you willing to ask for support without expectations or demands that your partner comply with your wishes?
129. Do you know your boundaries and are you willing to express and hold them?
130. Are you willing to partner with another to support and be supported in the wonderful times and the challenging times?

Make sure both of you answer these questions. Then take a moment to add up each of your ratings. If you rated yourselves as a 10 on each question your total score would be 100. Ideally, you want each of your scores on these compatibility and sustainability questions to be as close to 100 as possible. 

If either of your scores were under 50 that means that less than half the time you actually show up in soulfully loving ways for yourself and your partner. In this case, sustained happiness, connection and intimacy are likely elusive. More often you likely feel alone, disconnected, and resentful. Recognizing this is good news. Now you can do something about it. 

While there is no exact formula that works for every single person or couple, learning to love soulfully, attracting conscious partnership, and staying passionate does actually have a roadmap that works, when you follow it. Those who walk the path of soul love find a kind of love rarely known but indescribably powerful. 

The dating process sets the foundation of any romantic relationship that arises from it. That means that the quality of your dating determines the quality of your future relationship. If you don’t honor you in the dating process you won’t feel honored in the relationship. If you don’t honor the true expression of the one you are dating, they won’t feel loved, no matter how much you might actually want to love them. 

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That means you need to get to know the person you are dating as fully as possible. Be willing to get to know the good, the not-so-good, the fears, the desires, the commitments, the values, and the unconscious patterns. Then, as you get to know your potential mate fully, you can consciously decide if this is someone with whom you want to spend a life together.  

Stay conscious in the process. This Guide to Conscious Dating can help.  

When you do that, you’ll discover the 5 reasons authentic relationships are the safest. 

Having the courage to ask and explore the best dating questions will serve you well in picking a great partner and building a lasting love together in soul partnership. Are you willing?

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…