222 Relationship Questions: How to Go Deep and Strengthen Your Bond
The strength of a couple’s bond depends wholly on whether they have the courage to discuss these most essential relationship questions. Love forms in the presence of closeness. Intimacy builds through shared revealing. Lasting trust depends on authenticity. Therefore cultivating the capacity for vulnerability that lies at the heart of all true love and intimacy will reap immense rewards for you.
Yes, the idea of genuine authenticity may make you fidget in discomfort. You might feel yourself wanting to withdraw. It’s ok. You don’t have to ask these relationship questions. You may not want to. Just consider what you really desire for your life and your relationship..
If you do want a relationship with a rock solid foundation, if you want a partnership where your love lights the way, if you want trust and openness to reign over walking on eggshells, then you have to go where most couples don’t dare venture.
Relationship questions for couples – the when and how
The quality and lasting power of your relationship correlates directly to your capacity and willingness for intimacy, and therefore vulnerability. There is no better way to cooperatively build your authenticity and vulnerability muscles than to explore the best questions to ask in a relationship regularly. Regularly.
You can ask these questions in a variety of settings – over dinner, on a date, on a cross country roadtrip, on vacation, laying in bed. However, with that being said, most of these relationship questions go deep. They call for real presence and, as we said, genuine vulnerability. So while making a quick dinner, while driving around time, or when you’re tired and ready for sleep would not be ideal times.
As for how to ask these important relationship questions, please do what works best for the two of you. And, we offer a few recommendations…
- Make sure you can be totally present with each other. Put your phones away and turn off other devices.
- Mutually decide to be authentic and honest with each other.
- Be conscious of using any substances that make you less present. Remember we’re cultivating vulnerability and authenticity and those require safety.
- For each question take turns asking and listening. We don’t suggest immediately turning the question into a discussion. Rather we encourage you to give each partner a chance to speak without being interrupted. Listen to learn about each other.
- After you’ve both answered a particular question without being interrupted, then open up a discussion about what you heard as well as how you feel about what you heard.
Finally, these questions are curated to give you a vast and deep relationship exploration. They can be asked and answered throughout your relationship. For the questions most relevant to your partnership, we suggest asking them at least once every year or two.
Please do not assume you fully know your partner as they are today. We all change. You want to stay connected as your souls and life experiences evolve.
Afraid to ask?
relationship. If we don’t ask questions, we can, at least temporarily, assume our partner sees things the way we do. Yet this sets us up for future disappointments and even heartache.
If we ask a question, it’s true, it might reveal a disconnect. It might reveal a difference of opinion. It might bring an ignored topic back to the surface. Yet if we ignore those frictional points in a relationship what happens? Ask yourself, does your bond strengthen or weaken?
If you’re genuinely afraid to ask one of these relationship questions, that feeling offers a clear indicator of how important that question actually is to your relationship and wellbeing. What we avoid eats away at our capacity for happiness. Unspoken truths erode connection, sometimes to the breaking point.
So find the courage to ask the important relationship questions. If you need support in order to have that courage, please seek it out.
Relationship questions to reflect on and Improve our relationship
- What do you love most about our relationship?
- How would you honestly describe our relationship to someone who asked?
- How do you feel about our future together as a couple?
- How could I make our relationship better for you?
- What are you disappointed about in our relationship?
- When do you feel most at peace and “at home” in our relationship?
- When do you feel most frustrated in our relationship?
- What are you hoping for in our relationship that I might not know about?
- What feels most exciting about our relationship
- When do you feel most vulnerable in our relationship?
- If you could change one thing about our relationship, what would it be?
- What feels most intimidating about our relationship?
- What’s one improvement you think we could make together?
- What’s one thing you think you could do to better our relationship?
- What’s one thing you think I could do to better our relationship?
- What is your favorite memory with me so far?
- What do you see as the purpose of our relationship?
- How do you feel about our relationship with our / your / my children?
- Is there anything you’d like to change or do differently with our children?
- What are you most grateful for when it comes to our relationship?
Relationship questions to ask to get to know each other more deeply?
This section, filled with get-to-know-each-other relationship questions, has the largest number of questions. Why? Because we need to continue to get to know each other every day. We all evolve and change so ask these questions at least every couple of years. Knowing more about each other is the greatest way to deepen intimacy.
- What’s changed about you that I might not yet realize?
- What do you appreciate most about me?
- What drives you crazy about me
- If you could have any one superpower what would it be and why?
- Are there any habits you have that you would like to change?
- Are there any habits I have that you would like me to change?
- What qualities of the masculine / feminine do you find most attractive?
- What experiences bring you comfort?
- If you had 10 things on a bucket list what would they be?
- What’s the most important thing on your bucket list?
- What’s a dream you would love my help with?
- What is your favorite memory from childhood?
- What experiences made you who you are today?
- What experience in your life took the most courage? Tell me about it…
- What are your biggest fears today?
- If money were no object, where would you want to travel to next?
- What do you wish I understood about you or your life?
- Do you ever feel like you’re not enough? If so, when?
- Do you ever feel like you’re too much? If so, when?
- What holidays are most important to you?
- What’s most important to you during the holidays?
- What are the top 3 moments of your life so far?
- What was your most difficult experience in life?
- What was your most painful experience in life?
- What’s your #1 regret? How are you making sure that doesn’t happen again?
- Who do you need to tell them you love them?
- What have you said that you wish you hadn’t said to someone besides me?
- What have you not said that you wish you had said to someone besides me?
- How is your inner little girl/boy?
- What does your inner kid need?
- If we could travel anywhere in the world together, where would you want us to go?
- If you could live anywhere in the world together, where would you want us to live?
- If we could spend a weekend away and money was no object how would you want to spend it together?
- What is the biggest change you want to see in the world today?
- If you were to “be the change,” what change would you want to be?
- What is the thing in the world that when you hear about it breaks your heart?
- What scares you the most in today’s world?
- Who were your greatest role models growing up?
- Where do you dream of retiring?
Important Relationship Questions
As you look at some of the following relationship questions, you may find some of them uncomfortable. You may feel afraid to have your partner ask you the question. You may feel nervous to hear your partner’s answer. Learning to be uncomfortable together will help keep you together over the long term.
The topic of health
- How do you feel about how we approach health overall?
- How do you feel about my health specifically?
- How do you feel about your health specifically?
- What feels important to share about your mental health?
- What do you wish we did more to contribute to our health and well being?
- What would you like to see us do less of to improve our health?
- How can I best support your health goals and desires?
About our time together being, connecting and playing
- What does romance mean to you?
- What are your favorite romantic experiences?
- What do you wish we did more of together?
- What do you wish we did less of?
- Who would you most like to go see in concert this year?
- What’s the best date night you could imagine for us in the next month?
- Do you have any interest in doing a project together? If so, what would you love to do?
- What would be the most fun way for us to spend an afternoon together? An evening together?
- What movie do you wish I would watch with you?
- If we were to read a book together, what book would you want to read?
- What are your favorite traditions that we have together?
- Are there any traditions you would like us to create new?
On the topic of spirituality and personal growth
- How important is religion or spirituality right now?
- Do you have any desire to create or deepen a shared spiritual practice?
- How could I better support you in your personal growth and / or spiritual path?
- Do you believe in miracles? Why or why not?
- How easy is it for you to trust? What makes it easy or difficult?
- How much do you trust yourself? What makes that so for you?
- How much do you trust life or the universe? What makes that so for you?
- How much do you trust me? What makes that so for you?
- How could I help you trust more?
- Do you have any interest or desire to bring prayer or meditation into your life or our life more? If so, what might that look like for you?
- If we were to go to a workshop together, what kind of workshop would you want to go to?
About love, connection, and emotional intimacy
- When do you feel most loved in our relationship?
- When do you feel most unloved in our relationship?
- When do you feel the closest to me?
- When do you see my eyes light up or twinkle?
- What would you have to risk to let me love you even more?
- What does intimacy mean to you?
- How do physical and emotional intimacy relate for you?
- What have you been afraid to tell me?
- What experiences make you feel close to me?
- What makes you want to close down and pull away from me?
- What do I do that melts your heart?
- How do you feel when I am emotional?
- What do you wish for from me when you’re feeling particularly emotional?
- What are you most afraid to let me see and know about you?
- What feels most vulnerable in our relationship?
- What do you wish I saw in you?
- What are you afraid for me to see in you?
- What is it you want to hide from me?
- What makes you feel seen?
- What’s something you are afraid I don’t like about you?
- When do you feel most vulnerable with me?
- If you were to finish this sentence about our relationship, how would you finish, “It hurts when….”
- What helps you feel most safe in our relationship?
- What do you worry about or fear when it comes to our relationship?
- Do you ever feel rejected by me? What makes you feel that way?
About our communication
- What do you wish we talked about more often because it feels good or you enjoy it?
- What do you feel like we need to spend more time talking about?
- In general, what emotions are hardest for you to express?
- Do you feel comfortable expressing any and all your emotions around me?
- How could I make it easier for you to express your emotions?
- How honest do you want us to be with one another?
- Do you want me to be honest even if I think you won’t like what I’m going to say?
- How do you feel about regular relationship check ins?
Relationship questions to improve how we handle hurt feelings and conflict
- How do you feel about the way we handle upsets and disagreements?
- What matters most to you when we have a misunderstanding, upset, or an argument?
- When do you feel like I over react?
- When do you feel like I under react?
- Do you feel like you take too much, too little, or just the right amount of responsibility in our upsets?
- Do you feel like I take too much, too little, or just the right amount of responsibility in our upsets?
- From your perspective, how could we do conflict better?
- When you reflect on our upsets, does it feel like I tend to “inflate” and get louder, bigger, or more assertive or does it seem like I “deflate” and get smaller, quieter, and more withdrawn? Or both?
- How does the way I respond to upsets or disagreements make you feel?
- What makes an upset or argument feel truly complete and resolved for you?
- What do you need or want most when your feelings are hurt?
- What are you still mad at me about?
- What do you still feel hurt about?
- What do you wish I would apologize for?
- Is there anything you haven’t forgiven me for?
- Is there anything you don’t think I’ve forgiven you for?
- Have you ever felt scared in my presence?
- What would you want us to do if one of us was struggling with something in our relationship and we couldn’t resolve it together?
- Are you willing to work with a relationship coach or therapist if we ever need it?
- What do you feel like we should do if only one of us felt like we needed support?
- If you’re open to getting support, how soon would you be open to seeking it?
On the topic of Self Love & Self Care
- What do you love most about yourself?
- What is your greatest gift? What makes it your greatest gift?
- What are 10 things you love and appreciate most about yourself?
- When is it hardest to love yourself?
- What is the hardest thing for you to accept about yourself?
- How can I support you in having a deeper relationship with yourself?
- What experiences or activities most contribute to your self care?
- How can I support your self care?
- What’s the optimal amount of alone time for you?
- What needs do you have that I might not realize or remember?
- When do you feel most stressed?
- What helps you most to relax and destress?
- What’s the best way for you to rejuvenate yourself?
On the topic of finances
- How do you feel about our finances? Why do you feel that way?
- What do you wish we did differently financially?
- What do you wish you/we could spend more money on?
- What do you wish you/we spent less on?
- How do you feel about our retirement planning?
- What cause would you most like to contribute (more) to in the world?
- What would help you feel more comfortable or secure?
- Would you prefer to be more or less involved in our finances?
Relationship Questions about Physical Intimacy
- How is the amount of affection in our relationship for you?
- How is the amount of physical sex / lovemaking for you?
- Do you prefer the word sex or lovemaking? Why?
- What is the difference between making love and having sex to you?
- What are your biggest turn ons in the bedroom? Outside the bedroom?
- What are your biggest turn offs in the bedroom? Outside the bedroom?
- When are you the happiest sexually?
- What would you love to add to our sex life?
- When is our sex or lovemaking the most amazing for you?
- Is there a sexual fantasy or desire that you’d be willing to share with me that you haven’t already?
- How could I be an even better lover to you?
- When it comes to physical intimacy, what do you wish I did more often? Less often?
- What is your favorite sexual position with me? What makes it so good for you?
- What is your least favorite sexual position with me? What makes it your least favorite?
- Where are the edges of your sexual comfort zone?
- Do you have any desire to stretch those comfort zones? Why or Why not?
- What would make our sex life better for you?
- When do you most want sex with me?
- What do I do that turns you off?
- What do you wish I did more of to turn you on?
- What have you been afraid to admit or ask for sexually?
- What is your favorite part of my body? Why is it your favorite?
- Are you interested in Tantra or Sacred Sexuality? What does it mean to you?
- What increases or amplifies your turn on while we’re being physically intimate?
- What makes you feel sexy? How can I support you in that?
- What makes me most sexy to you?
- How do you feel about sensuality and the idea of sensual lovemaking?
Your Favorites
- I know your favorite color(s) is / are… do you have any new favorites?
- What’s your favorite sound?
- What’s your favorite flower?
- What’s your favorite quote? Why?
- What’s your favorite date night?
- Where is your favorite place for us to go for a walk together during the evening?
Tough Relationship Questions
Finally, we finish with the toughest relationship questions. Many couples find these the most difficult questions to ask and answer. Go slow. Listen well. And, don’t ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.
- Am I enough for you?
- Is our relationship enough for you?
- Do I meet your needs?
- What have you given up hope on in our relationship?
- Are there any things you’ve said to me that you wish you hadn’t? If yes, would you tell me about them?
- Are there things you haven’t said to me that you wish you had? If yes, would you tell me now?
- Do you feel like I have any unrealistic expectations in our relationship?
- How do you feel about our relationship with your parents?
- How do you feel about our relationship with my parents?
- Do I compliment you enough?
- Do you feel appreciated and valued in our relationship? Why or why not?
- Do you feel any resentment in our marriage or relationship?
- Is there any time you have felt unsafe physically or emotionally in our relationship?
- How do you feel about death?
- How would you like to be remembered by others after you are gone?
- What would you want to happen if I was told you were in a permanent coma?
- What would you like to happen with your body when you die?
- Would you prefer a Celebration of Life, a funeral or something else?
- What’s one thing you want to make sure we do together before one of us passes away?
- What do you consider cheating to be? Have you ever come close to that edge while we were together?
- How much do you trust yourself? What would help you trust yourself more?
- How much do you trust life/God/the Universe? What would you trust life more?
- How much do you trust me? What would help you trust me more?
- How would you rate the trust in our relationship?
- How could we increase that trust?
As we conclude, remember we all change. Even if you’ve asked these relationship questions before, revisit them. Talk regularly about yourself and your partnership. Let these conversations lead you to the places you haven’t wanted to go. Having the courage to tell the truth and find your way to unity on the other side of difficulty becomes an incredible love story.
Remember also…
Real love requires real presence. Real presence demands that we take off our masks, lay down our armor, and allow our partner to see the tender underbelly of our humanness as well as the incredible brilliance and power of our soul.
Does that sound risky? Maybe so. Yet, you might ask yourself, do you want a comfortable relationship built on false pretenses or do you long for a relationship that calls you into the deepest of connections, pleasures, intimacies and joys available on this human journey?
Authentic relationships are the safest relationships. Yet, that path is not for the faint of heart, yet it is a path for the greatest lovers and beloveds.
Ps, if you’re consciously dating you might find these 130 dating questions questions useful.
©2009-2026 This article and its contents are the property of Joanna Shakti / Ecstatic Intimacy. You may share a link to this article, but the content itself may not be copied, reproduced, or or used in any form without permission from Ecstatic Intimacy.
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.
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