5 Ways to Escape Your Love Comfort Zone and Experience True Love
If you stay in your love comfort zone you will never have the relationship or the sex you want. Period.
What you desire… what you hunger for… what you long for… exists outside your love comfort zone. Everything you currently experience in life, love and sex happens inside your comfort zone.
What is Your Love Comfort Zone?
Imagine your life as a castle. Imagine your castle has a moat around it. Imagine that moat filled with ominous creators like alligators, snakes, pirañas, and the like.
Your current relationship status, the quality of your relationships (with a beloved, family, friends, colleagues), the amount of money you have, the fulfillment you feel, your weight, your health all exist within the castle of your life.
The life experience you desire – the love, intimacy, health, wealth, career, connection, fun, rest – all exists on the other side of your imaginary moat.
To get you what you desire… you have to actually cross the moat, which means you have to face the creatures that live there.
What if those creatures weren’t actually animals? What if they were emotions? What if they were emotions that you don’t want to feel?
The Prison of Your Comfort Zone
What if your castle was really a prison? That’s a much more accurate description.
Who is your jailer? You. Or more specifically, your emotions, the emotions you might have to feel if you risk loving and being loved.
Prison doesn’t sound very comfortable does it? It’s not. Yet, if you’re like most other men and women, you don’t realize you’re avoiding these emotions. You don’t realize they have control. And you think your love comfort zone actually makes you comfortable. Nope. It makes you uncomfortable and unhappy.
Let me explain.
Your Mind Built Your Prison
Your mind wants to keep you safe. It never wants you to hurt. It never wants you to feel sad, disappointed, rejected, abandoned, alone.
Your mind tracks, all the way back to the womb, every time you ever felt an uncomfortable emotion. It’s job description requires that you never experience any of those feelings again.
Your mind does not care if you feel love, joy, peace, passion, fulfillment, ecstasy, or intimacy. It only wants to make sure you don’t feel hurt or pain of any kind.
The best way not to feel hurt is by not connecting with anyone or anything that could cause hurt or pain.
Read that again. The best way not to feel hurt is by not connecting with anyone or anything that could cause hurt or pain…
Which means don’t take any chances because you don’t know the outcome and you’ll feel uncertain or out of control.
Don’t share your wisdom because you might be wrong and then you’ll feel inadequate or not enough.
Don’t love anyone because they might stop loving you and you’ll feel rejected or abandoned or unloved.
Don’t get anything of real value because you might lose it and feel grief.
Don’t go for your dreams because you might not reach your goal and feel failure.
Each of those bolded words above is an emotion. These emotions live in the moat between your current life and what you desire. The emotions that you least want to feel, fill your personal moat. Those same emotions run your life, jailing you in the prison of your (dis) comfort zone.
5 Ways to Cross the Moat and Escape from your Love Comfort Zone (aka Prison)
Recognizing that the emotions that you do everything in your power to avoid feeling, stand between you and the life and love you desire, what do you do about it?
Here are 5 ways you can cross your moat of emotion and access the life you’ve been longing for:
1) Realize Emotions Don’t Bite
Actually you’re afraid of the possibility of an emotion. Have you ever felt inadequate, not enough, disappointed, failure, grief, uncertain? Are you breathing right now as you read this? Then I know you survived. Emotions don’t kill us, although we think they might. Emotions, if we let them, actually pass quickly through. Have you ever felt your cheeks flush and your body fill with the heat of embarrassment? Didn’t it go as quickly as it came? ALL emotions can come and go quickly if you don’t hang on.
2) Face your dragon
In other words, practice experiencing the emotions you haven’t wanted to feel. Once you feel them several times, you realize they can’t really hurt you. You’ll even find out that when you feel them they will guide you to a deeper inner truth that you might not otherwise have known. “Emotions are the barometer of our soul,” as Brandon Bays, one of my great spiritual teachers says.
3) Share your Feeling with Another
One of the ways to create genuine intimacy in a relationship is to share what we feel. Yes. Share what you feel. I know we as a society have been conditioned not to feel. We’ve been encouraged and rewarded, in many cases, to stuff and hide what we feel. Unfortunately, that conditioning has done you a disservice. Here’s the real truth. Emotions are the language of intimacy. We as humans connect most deeply, love each other most fully, when we share our emotional experiences. So, as you face your dragon, share your feelings with another and that moat just might start to dry up.
4) Remember You are Enough
We often fear our emotions because we fear how others may judge us. As I said earlier, the fears of rejection, loss or abandonment can seem like the worst possibility in the world. Maybe you imagine that someone else can do this to you. They can’t. You can only experience rejection, loss or abandonment from another if you’ve already rejected or abandoned you. You can only lose love if you have separated from the love in you. You can only separate from you if you lose sight of how “enough” you really are. You are whole, complete, enough and nothing that anyone else says or does can ever change that. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen in your life, that can never change.
5) Feel Your Desires
As you’re considering facing all those dangerous emotional creatures in your moat, you also what to keep in mind, and more importantly, feel all the emotions you’ll feel when you get to the other side. Emotions like love, joy, peace, passion, fulfillment, ecstasy all exist right here in this moment. The Law of Attraction works because of this truth. Feel the emotions you desire to feel and they will pull you forward on the journey. You’ll realize that risking sadness, disappointment, loss, and the like gives you access to the all you hunger for. Feel the love that awaits you and you’ll find the courage to do what you never thought you could.
What Happens Next
Stretch your comfort zone one step… one small step… at a time. Let yourself feel just a little bit more each day. Share a tiny bit more emotional intimacy with someone you care about. Then do all that again… and again… and again.
Before you know it you’ll be experiencing more love… real love… true love… than ever before. And it will be better than you even imagined.
Then go back and start swimming across the moat again. Yes. Once you escape your current love comfort zone by crossing the moat, you’ll have a new comfort zone.
But, you’ll know how to navigate the emotions of your moat. You did it once, you can do it again. It will get easier every time.
The love you experience in your daily life will get deeper, vaster and infinitely more sweet each time.
If you’d like to explore what lives in your moat, if you’d like to know what lies between you and the life and relationship you desire, I invite you to schedule a personal Igniting Soul Love Session with me, better yet, join us for the Soulful Passion Retreat (and get the session free!)
In love, light and ecstasy,
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.
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April 28-30, 2023
April 28-30, 2023
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GREAT Joanna you are a LEGEND!!! i thoroughly enjoy the emails and thoughts that you share, keep up the great work. I wish I had a woman like you in my life. Have a great day.
Thank you Brett! Be the man she desires and you’ll find her.
That’s personal and not personal. I say the same thing to women… Be the woman who is the true partner to the man you desire and you’ll attract him . One of my coaches said that to me and I realized how very true it was. When I show up as the woman I wanted to be in partnership, the partnership changes… and the same goes for attracting a partner. Blessings and let me know if I can support you! ~Joanna