6 Mistakes Women Make That Drive Men Away
Yes, there are things that drive men away. More commonly than we would think, kind intelligent women make innocent, but significant, mistakes when it comes to men and love. It’s only in hindsight that most of these are actually recognized as mistakes. Even though there was almost always great intention behind them, unfortunately those well-meaning words and actions can turn into the very things that drive men away.
It’s these simple mistakes that can have a great man seemingly disappear. It’s why men who showed up in amazing ways in the beginning, seem not-so-great after a while.
When considering what pushes men away, the good news, and maybe the bad news, is that his change was probably more about you than it was about him. While blaming men for changing can feel empowering, albeit disappointing at the same time, that righteous or empowered feeling comes at a cost, a high cost, sometimes. It’s critical that when something goes awry, we stop blaming and start looking at our part in, our contribution to, the less than ideal feelings and circumstances.
We simply can’t escape the truth that we always have a part in what’s happening in our dating and relationships. And, that’s actually the great news. If you’re contributing to the problem or upset, you can also contribute to the solution.
“If you’re contributing to the problem or upset, you can also contribute to the solution.”
When it comes to male-female relating and, in particular, the possibility of pushing men away, we must realize that men respond to women. The man you are with responds to you. (It’s also true that women respond to men, but we’ll save that for another day because if you want things to be different you have to stop playing the blame game.)
How we show up – especially in the challenging moments – matters. Let’s explore six mistakes women all-to-commonly make that turn into the very things that drive men away – drive the great men away.
1. You want him to be sensitive, and you don’t want him to be sensitive.
That’s simply a setup for failure for him. Asking him to be sensitive and then judging him, or worse yet, feeling repelled when he is, isn’t fair. It doesn’t work and he’ll feel the impossibility of the situation. You can’t have a man melting in emotion and being your strong hero all at once. He will feel your frustration, your disappointment. He’ll feel like he can’t win.
And he will quit.
2. You don’t receive.
This one is quite simple. Masculine men want to contribute to you.
Although you may believe it makes you appear weak and helpless, this is far from the truth. Remember, the masculine wants to make a difference in your life. If he can be your hero all the better. And, having a hero around doesn’t say anything about your strength or character. It just makes you blessed.
When you learn to receive, your experiences will make you happy. Your receptivity will put a smile on his face.
Saying “No, no, I got it” or “Let me do it” are sure things that push a man away.
So build your receiving muscle and enjoy the blessings of the masculine.
3. You try to be equal and independent.
When it comes to attraction and chemistry, trying to keep it equal kills passion. When we make equal mean the same, we zap the spark of polarity between the masculine and the feminine. In the bedroom, when the feminine thinks she has to give to the masculine as much as the masculine gives to her, she forgets that the masculine is turned on by her pleasure, that his pleasure is her pleasure. Outside the bedroom, it’s not about an equal split of chores and tasks, it’s about an inspired generosity that arises from being who we truly are.
Compounding the misunderstanding of equality in masculine-feminine relationships, we also misunderstand independence. You can’t actually have true partnership if you’re completely independent. You have to be willing to be interdependent, which means, yes, sometimes you must depend on him.
4. You don’t rest.
Women show up at their worst mentally and emotionally when they feel exhausted. We can’t love and be loved when we’re empty and the emptiness and exhaustion arises, at least in part, due to our unwillingness to let the masculine contribute, as we’ve mentioned above.
So your job in romantic relationships is not to do it all trying to keep everyone else happy. While you will certainly contribute to the wellbeing of your partner and your family, if you have one, your primary job, if you don’t want to be pushing men away, is to keep your cup full, and better yet, overflowing.
I know that may seem impossible, yet that impossibility stems only from long-standing, deeply outdated, and completely untrue beliefs about the feminine.
It’s critical that you take care of yourself. It may seem completely counterintuitive, but your unwillingness to rest and take care of you, will leave you more reactive, grumpy and judgmental towards the man in your life. And, yes, he’ll be compassionate and supportive for a while. Then eventually you’ll see this is yet another one of the things that push men away.
So when it comes to counteracting the things that drive men away, you might consider if It’s time to fill up…
5. You try to keep it all together.
Masculine men don’t need the women they date, love, or marry to be perfect. Conscious masculine men learn to embrace a woman’s emotions, her bigness, and her messiness, when it shows up. They don’t expect her to be rational all the time. They quite often, to most women’s surprise, find her emotions, including tears and even anger, quite beautiful.
You do not need to keep it together. As a matter of fact, please don’t.
Maybe you’ve heard the quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe that goes, “I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
Give him a chance to love you – all of you.
6. You make surrender a bad word.
You ask, what drives men away? Ultimately, all of the above mistakes come down to this one. When you make surrender a bad word, when you refuse to surrender some of your control, a masculine man can’t stay with you.
It can’t be said enough times, a masculine man wants to contribute to you. He wants to know what makes you feel safe in the bedroom and beyond. Your grip on control inadvertently but decisively ends up pushing men away.
On top of that, you deny yourself great pleasure, and even rejuvenation. Why? Because you can’t have an orgasm if you’re in control.
Pleasure, trust, and love require surrender.
Most of the things that drive men away stem from a resistance to, and even a denial of, your innate feminine energy. (If you’re not sure whether you have a naturally feminine essence, you can take the masculine-feminine test.)
Then, the second biggest factor in pushing men away happens when you, over and over, inadvertently inspire a man to feel like he’s failing. When he feels this way, you will, without a doubt, push him away.
And, as we said, because you have the power to push men away, you also have an immense power to draw them in, to awaken a mesmerizing and conscious love in him, and from him.
Yes, you are that powerful. Use your power wisely.
Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all.
You too, are invited…
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.