22 May Are you Open?
I am open to receive.
I am open to receive your touch.
I am open to receive your admiration.
I am open to feel your love.
I am open to feel my pain.
I am open to feel my pleasure.
I am open to life.
Are you open? Are you closed? It’s such a paradox. I see it in myself. I see it in my friends and clients. We have experiences, feelings, and sensations we want, we desire, we crave, and even ones we work really hard to create… yet at the very same time, we push those experiences, feelings and sensations away. Unconsciously, we’ve closed an invisible door. We’ve put up a transparent wall. It looks like we’re open. We think we’re open to love, to life, to joy, to pleasure and we’re not.
It’s shocked me over the years to see the subtle and not so subtle ways I’d closed myself off to what I thought I most desired. As I wrote in my last newsletter, I had closed myself off to happiness because I thought I’d lose my motivation and because I thought (in some unconscious silly way) that it could hurt others. And, I didn’t want to feel too happy because then I’d be at risk of being hurt or disappointed. I hadn’t completely closed to it, I just wasn’t fully open to it’s potential. I and those I care most deeply about missed out.
Then there were the ways that I closed myself to love… wow. At one time, the armor around my heart, the armor around my body… it was thick and pretty solid. I had behaviors that kept you at arms length… close enough, but not to close. I’ve dropped fears, stories, hurts, and old ways of being so I that I can now feel even more of the immense power of love.
True love is obliterating… It shatters every concept of protection, every concept of being a certain way, every ability to hide. It leaves us fully open, vulnerable, exposed. It leaves us… no it is… fully alive, boundless, blissful. As someone once said, love knows no boundaries. Are you willing to open to that much love?
And then of course there’s pleasure… One of my sacred sexuality teachers asks his students the question, “How open is open?” He shows his fist tightly closed in front of him and then he opens it a crack. Then a slightly bigger opening appears. “Is it open?” he asks. Then the fingers start to peel back revealing the palm. His hand is more open than closed… yet he asks, “Is it open?” The fingers continue to open to a fully flat palm… can it open wider? I imagine it can. He challenges us… “How open can you be? How much love can you receive in your heart? How much pleasure can you allow to flow through your body… for how long?”
I’ve learned that to fully feel my pleasure, I have to also being willing to fully feel my pain. Stuck unresolved hurts, bottled up resentment, and hidden fears fill the spaces meant for love (thanks Liz!), and block the channels meant for free flowing pleasure and ecstasy. Unfortunately, you can’t have the highs without being willing to feel the lows. I know. I’ve tried.
Oh… what it feels like to allow free flowing pleasure, deeply felt love, bubbling joy. I know there’s more. I’ve opened so much… yet, “How open is open?” I still have so much more to open to… I look forward to the pleasure. It’s an amazing journey of discovery.
Is it your turn? Is it time?
Are you open? Are you open to real joy? Are you open to undeniable love? Are you open to your hurts, to your fears? Are you open to feel unending pleasure?
Call me if you are.
I know it’s time for all of us to know what’s possible, to know what open really feels like… and I couldn’t have done it alone.