Are you worthy of love?
Wow. To be writing this article actually blows my mind. I’m coming straight out of receiving a coaching session with one of my coaches and I just had such a deep realization around my worthiness to receive… to receive love, to receive acknowledgement, to receive wealth… that I had to share it with you.
What you think makes you worthy of love, doesn’t. As a matter of fact, what you believe will make you worthy of love, in all likelihood makes you less loveable. Each in our own way, so many of us try to prove our worthiness, prove our value, prove our abilities. And yet, many of you have heard this before… a quote from Bill Ferguson, one of my early teachers, “It is not our greatness that makes us worthy of love, but our humanness.”
In other words, our striving for perfection makes us LESS loveable. It’s not that our actually essence changes… or that our inherent worth changes… but the ease of loving us (you) does change. The more “perfect” you are, or try to be, the harder you are to connect with, the less accessible my love is for you.
First, if I’m close enough to love you, I’m also close enough to see your flaws. Two things happen. First, in your attempt to be perfect (or in my attempt to be perfect), I can see the inauthenticity of your actions and expressions (and you can see my inauthenticity). I can see the lie you’re presenting. (and you can see mine). I’m not drawn to love you. I don’t love the inauthentic. I’m drawn to love the real.
Second, in your attempts to be perfect, you set yourself apart from me. I know that I’m not perfect. I truthfully want to share my imperfections with you and be loved by you anyway. I want you to feel confident enough to share your imperfections, your mistakes, your fears. When you can’t share those, when you hide those, then I can’t know you. I feel distant and separate from you. I can’t feel you. I can’t love you.
I want to be able to share our imperfections and still be in love.
The truth is I love you more for your flaws. I love you more for your humanness. I love you more for your imperfections.
Brene Brown, has written an extraordinary book called the “Gift of Imperfection”. I’ve read most of it and it brought me much closer to the love of me. And, today the lightbulb went off.
If I deny my imperfections I am less loveable. I am less worthy of love. My imperfections make me loveable… make me worthy.
This love and prosperity that I so despartately wanted to prove and know I was worthy of… Every action I took in that direction actually moved me further from my desire. I made myself less easy to love. I made myself less desireable. I made my self less trustable. All because I wasn’t being real. I was putting on a facade.
When I am fully myself… when I am me… when I am all of me… loving, tender, kind, insecure, uncertain, passionate, confusing, caring, afraid, happy, mistake-prone, talented, weak, vulnerable, sexy, ugly, generous…
when I am all of that I am most lovable.
I am most worthy of love… I am most worthy of receiving… I am most worthy of prosperity. When I am the good and the bad… the light and the dark… when I am whole I am worthy. I become a magnet for love. I am a ripple of love.
Are you willing to be more worthy of love by being less than perfect? by making more mistakes? by being more vulnerable? by having fears, uncertainties, and insecurities? I hope so. It makes so much more love possible for all of us.
Be a ripple of love today.
In love, light and ecstasy,
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.