Are you worthy of love

Are you worthy of love?

Am I worthy of love, you ask. What we imagine will make us worthy of love is almost always wrong. As a matter of fact, what you believe makes you worthy, in all likelihood may make you harder to love. Let’s explore (and explain) …

Each in our own way, so many of us try to prove our worthiness, prove our value, prove our abilities in the pursuit of love. Yet, many of you have heard this before… a quote from Bill Ferguson, “It is not our greatness that makes us worthy of love, but our humanness.”

You’ve also heard us quote at Ecstatic Intimacy, “It is not for us to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers we’ve built against it.” ~ Rumi

In other words, our striving for worthiness, our seeking of love, combined with the doubt of our worthiness makes us LESS loveable. It’s not so say that our essential essence ever changes, or that our inherent worth falls with these behaviors and endeavors. Yet, they may in fact solidify our internal invisible barriers to love. 

However, if we make our way to an acceptance and more authentic expression of our imperfect selves, the ease of loving us (you) goes up dramatically. We finally become available for real genuine love.

The all too common “I am not worthy of love” behavior 

The “I am not worthy of love” thinking often leads to a striving for what can only in the end be an inauthentic facade that amplifies the feeling of unworthiness. The more “perfect” you are, or try to be, the harder you are to connect with, the less accessible you are for love (harsh, yet true). And, yes, sadly the less worthy of love you feel. 

If we are close enough to love someone, we are also close enough to see their flaws. Two things happen. In your attempt to be perfect (or in their attempt to be perfect), they can see the inauthenticity of your actions and expressions (and you can see their inauthenticity as well). They can see the lie you’re presenting (and you can see theirs). 

In this “performing for love” approach we push away the very love we seek. Consciously or unconsciously, the ones we want to love us feel repelled by our grasping. No one ever falls (or stays)  in love with inauthenticity. 

We love real. We love messy. We love human. Our worthiness lies in our humanness. (Btw, men even love women’s emotions.) 

How to feel worthy of love

How to feel worthy of love starts with feeling confident enough to share your imperfections, your mistakes, and your fears. When you can’t share those, when you hide yourself from others, they can’t know you. They feel distant and separate from you. It’s impossible to love you.

 “The truth is I love you more for your flaws.  I love you more for your humanness.  I love you more for your imperfections.” 

~Joanna Shakti

 Brene Brown, has written an extraordinary book called the “Gift of Imperfection.”  In it she so poignantly states the idea, if I deny my imperfections I am less loveable. I am less worthy of love. My imperfections make me loveable… make me worthy. 

When we are fully ourselves… when I am me…  when you are you… loving, tender, kind, insecure, uncertain, passionate, confusing, caring, afraid, happy, mistake-prone, talented, weak, vulnerable, sexy, ugly, generous…  is when we are the most lovable. (This is, as you might imagine, the realm of the sometimes seemingly nebulous concept of authentic self love.)

Yet, in revealing our flaws and imperfections (in addition to our brilliance), we actually elevate our knowing that we are worthy of love. We feel most worthy of receiving. We feel truly worthy of our dreams and desires. When we are the good and the bad… the light and the dark… when we are whole, we are worthy. We become a magnet for love. 

Are you willing to be more worthy of love by being less than perfect? (Consider it a double dog dare!)

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

Share this entry


  1. Heather Johnson on May 20, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    WOW. I am going through the exact same thing today. Thank you for stating it and realizing it. Thank you for the gift that you are it is truly an honor to witness these amazing changes in your self as we all try and touch and love the world.

Leave a Comment