Concluding our series on the four essential characteristics of Conscious Relating, let’s spend some time looking at what may be the real essential foundation: Authentic Communication. Communicating authentically brings it all together when we want to relate consciously in life. In my opinion, none of the other characteristics really matter if we don’t communicate in an honest and authentic way.
So often we feel like we have to hide who we are, what we want, or the way we feel. We feel like we have to be a certain way in order to be loved, liked, or accepted. We feel like we have to perform in order to live up to expectations of ourselves and others. We are often afraid of what might happen if we are honest or we are afraid of what they might think of us if we show our “true colors.” Those fears and beliefs keep us from being authentic and yet we are most powerful when we are authentic.
How many times in your life have you seen someone stand before you shedding a tear and somehow you “fell in love” with them and even felt you had more permission to be yourself and maybe even shed a tear of your own? Or have you been listening to someone speak from their passion about a topic and you couldn’t help but step forward and support them in their mission?
When we authentically share from our heart,
we give people permission to be more themselves.
Another way of being authentic in life and in leadership is to speak up and share honestly about your feelings, fears, needs, desires, concerns, and inspirations. When we speak these things authentically and clearly others can truly support us, our work, and our intentions. On the other hand, when we do not clearly share what it is that we are thinking, feeling, needing, or desiring there is no chance that we will be supported.
How many times have you wanted to express yourself – what you feel, what you believe, what you want, what don’t want – and then stopped yourself because you thought of all of the “bad” things that might happen if you did? We have all cut ourselves off; lost our voices. How do you feel when another person cuts you off when you are speaking? You are actually doing the same thing to yourself when you don’t honestly express yourself.
The only way anyone can truly meet you and support you is when you let them know what you are really thinking and feeling.
When we want to inspire action, movement, or emotion in others, being authentic about everything we experience – whether it be a thought, a challenge, an emotion, an inspiration, or a passion – be authentic. That authentic expression of ourselves and our vision will have the deepest impact on those who come before us.
So, that concludes our series on “What is Conscious Relating?” Look for our next topic “What I hate about you… is in me!” coming soon!
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.