Authenticity or Perfection What do You Choose

Authenticity or Perfection: What do You Choose?

Which do you choose? Authenticity or Perfection? You can’t have both and trying to choose both is a path fraught with depression, failure, and unhappiness. Need I say more?


Let’s look at both paths… Authenticity or Perfection


One path drives you, first, to continuously scan for this moment’s definition of perfect… On top of that, to make it even more interesting, the definition constantly changes.

Then, with perfection as the goal, you’re always scanning for the flaws so you can immediately fix them. Oh wait… hide them.

Oh, and then you’ve got to scan for everything that’s out of place for fear you might look like you “don’t have it together.”

Geez, you’re exhausted already from all the tracking and judgment and you haven’t even started fixing the “problems.” Only once you’re done fixing or hiding what’s broke, ugly, and out of place… then you can get on with the present moment and deal with today’s business.

But of course, you can’t stop until it’s all done for fear someone would think you’re lazy or stupid.

If someone criticizes your hard work, your pretty face, your perfect home… or your kids… it’s like a razor’s edge – excruciating…

And depending on the day, you lash out… defending your perfect little world and all your efforts…

Or on another day, you slink away in shame… “knowing” they’re right. You are that louse that never gets it right… who’s never enough…

You abuse your body – through sheer neglect, but oh wait, not too much neglect because then you’ll be flabby and people will think you’re lazy… and you definitely won’t be that “image” of handsomeness or beauty.

You never see your friends.  The dates are never good enough for you. They always have too many flaws and you’re so great, you would wonder why you can’t find love…

But so many you loved have gotten their feelings hurt once too often and they’ve turned tail and ran… They love you and want you to be happy… and they leave because they’re obviously not making you happy.


But… happiness is impossible when perfection is a goal.  

And, perfection is impossible…


Hmmm… that doesn’t bode well for our chances at happiness. Perfection’s pursuit is one lined with failures, “not good enoughs,” and judgments. It’s a life that proves day after day, moment after moment, year after year that it’s impossible…

Yet each setback, failure, and uncovered flaw drives you harder… pushes you more… You’ll work harder, do better, do more. Repeated failure leads to depression… happiness remains elusive…


Can you say exhaustion?  Can you say unhappy?  Can you say lonely?


Let’s look at the choices again… Authenticity or Perfection?

We’ll start with perfection’s opposite, Authenticity… and it’s path, which sounds something like this… 

“Oh… I can be real.  I am real…  I love my realness.  It feels warm and fuzzy actually.

Oh wow…  I’m free!  (What the perfectionist wouldn’t give for a bit of freedom!)

Authenticity is when I get to say what I like and dislike… When I get to tell you where I want to go on Saturday night and we actually go… OMG… So much fun!

I get to relax, lighten up, and laugh because I’m not attached to the result. I just get to be me all along the way, and even at the end.

I don’t have to change… and maybe I do change, but only because I see that the new way brings me more happiness, love, joy, and laughter.

I get to kick back on the weekend and cuddle on the sofa with my “squeeze”! We laugh, snooze, and oh yeah, make love.

I feel satisfied being authentic because I live the life I desire… I honor my dreams and desires. I go for them because I know I can’t fail.

And if it doesn’t work out the way I planned, I still love me… I know I learned a ton. I had a great experience and if I try again another day, I’ll enjoy it even more.

In my authentic life, that new gray hair or that little stain on my favorite skinny jeans, or the extra dishes in the sink are simply part of the truth… the rich alive juiciness of the moment… the moments to look back on and enjoy for the rest of your life…

People are inexplicably drawn to me because it’s safe for them to be themselves, to let down their guard and be authentic too. Oh they feel so good, even for a moment because I gave them permission to let down their perfectionist façade.

I’m loved for my authenticity. I’m loved for the imperfections that I conveniently and peacefully choose not to hide.  They are a part of who I am and that’s just right.

It’s easy to love me and easy to be loved by me because there’s no pretense… no hiding… no maneuvering… no game playing.

What is… is. It’s safe. It’s real. I’m relaxed. I’m happy. I’m me.

Which path do you choose Authenticity or Perfection?

I hope it’s the real freedom of authenticity… and either way, I wish you many blessings…

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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  1. Nicole F. on January 26, 2018 at 11:17 pm


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