Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energy
Although you may have heard or even been coached that balancing masculine and feminine energy will improve life and love, you’ve probably been led astray. The solution to our chemistry, attraction, and even health woes, is not about balance. We associate balancing with equal, picturing the old two-sided Double Pan Balance scale with both sides equally weighted and, therefore, balanced. Because of that, too many have begun to chase a goal that will not only not bring your desired outcome, it may actually set you back.
Harmonizing the masculine and feminine within will serve you well. Balancing the masculine and feminine will not. While the difference between balancing and harmonizing may seem subtle, when you truly understand the distinctions and embody them – everything from your sex life, to your hormones, to your professional life changes. The relationship between these two energies impacts attraction in dating as well as lasting attraction in marriage. Acupuncturists and Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioners will tell you that the harmony impacts your health, vitality, and wellbeing. Your happiness depends on this masculine feminine harmony.
The biggest reason NOT to balance these energies
If you applied the Oxford Language definition – “an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady” – to the dynamics of attraction and chemistry in romantic relating, you’d be getting direct tickets to the Friend Zone in dating and the Roommate Zone in marriage. Why? Because when you balance masculine and feminine, you neutralize their attractive force.
Let’s explain these dynamics in a bit more detail. First, while you’ll find a deeply detailed answer to “What are masculine and feminine energies?” in that article, for the purposes of our exploration here, we need to understand that masculine and feminine energies exist within every human being, no matter age, gender, sex, orientation, and that the internal relationship between these two energies determines what’s possible when these two energies interact among two people.
The internal interplay of feminine and masculine energy within determines the external spark or chemistry created when the two energies vibrate (or not) during the connection of two human beings. In other words, the internal harmonization, or lack thereof, determines the external polarity (and hence sexual chemistry) that exists between two people exploring, or hoping to explore, passion and intimacy.
Simply put, if you balance these two energies, you neutralize, or if we’re really calling a spade a spade, you neuter your sexual energy. The knowledge that opposites attract shows us why this neutralization occurs. Just like in our childhood play with magnets, we saw that the opposite sides, when brought in close proximity, actively moved toward each other and stuck. Alternatively, when the matching sides of two magnets were brought close together, they actively pushed each other away. For the magnetic force to work, you had to have two opposites. The same is true for magnetic attraction and sexual chemistry in romance.
Harmonizing Feminine and Masculine Energy
The truth is that in most human beings who have realized that balancing masculine and feminine energy is not the answer, now recognize that while they have both energies, their authentic sexual essence expression (the authentic harmony of masculine and feminine energy within) has one energy be more dominant than the other. If you’re unsure if one energy is more predominant in you, you can take the masculine-feminine test.
If you watch most human beings – including the LGBTQA+ communities – you will see some people who seem to have more predominantly masculine energy. These people are the take-charge, doing, direct, driven, more rigid, and even controlling people you’ll see. You will also see people who predominantly exude more feminine energy. These tend to be the more go-with-the-flow, open, receptive, even creative people. While these predominantly feminine humans can certainly lead and get things done, they put more attention on the experience and the relationships that occur in the process, than they put on the particular result.
Then, if you watch deeper, you will tend to see that in many relationships, one partner will portray more masculine energy while the other portrays more feminine energy. While this might, on the surface, always appear as a genuine expression of the natural law of opposites attract, it might not be that simple.
The complicating factor is that many, many adults today have a disharmony, a confusion, or worse yet, a manufactured “balance” of masculine and feminine energies within. And their struggles in dating, marriage and sex reflect that incongruency. For example, some authentically predominantly masculine beings have become judgmental (and even fearful), of so-called toxic masculinity, and therefore override their own natural and truly harmonious masculine and feminine energy within. This genuinely masculine being starts showing up as some might call the “nice guy.” These people have effectively put a feminine mask over top of their natural masculine sexual essence.
The same can be said for many truly feminine beings, who, afraid of being seen as weak or passive, afraid of being seen as too soft in the corporate world, have overlaid their natural feminine energy with a masculine mask.
To make matters worse, these two people who have their own internal disharmonies between their masculine and feminine, get together and try to have a passionate romantic relationship. Although this mishmash of energies can be attracted to each other in the beginning, it’s usually short-lived, with one or both partners ending up frustrated and disappointed with the other because they feel like their needs for affection and/or sex are not being met. True deep attraction can’t be sustained between two people who are each out of sync and in disharmony with themselves individually and this is one of the reasons relationships fail.
How to balance masculine and feminine energy in a relationship
So, if you want to balance masculine and feminine energy in a relationship, the initial step is to look within yourself first. Don’t worry about your partner right now. If you’re dating, don’t concern yourself with the energies of the ones to which you are attracted. Pay attention to you for now. (Because most often, the source of our external challenges – our relationship problems, stem from our internal misalignments and disharmonies.)
So start by getting clear whether you actually, authentically, have one energy that is more predominant than the other, by nature, within you.
Then, if you discover that your authentic sexual essence is either more masculine or feminine, the next thing you want to do is reflect on how that shows up in your life. In the soul love stages, we explore this by reflecting on whether our authentic energy aligns with our actual or lived energy. As we discussed above, a huge percentage of men and women today have their energies misaligned internally. Their masks have feminine beings appearing as masculine in their lives and masculine beings showing up as more feminine, especially in their romantic relationships.
If you’re not showing up consistently in the world with your authentically predominant energy in the lead, then the work begins with you – with you finding an internal harmony, an internal partnership of your own masculine and feminine energy.
And, here’s the cool part. When you stop balancing masculine and feminine energy and you live congruent with your own innate sexual essence, the attractive forces around you will change. They have to. You might just find that all of a sudden you start seeing and experiencing more of the opposite energy around you. You’ll feel more spark. You might get noticed more. You’ll feel more attractive and be more attractive. Then the romantic fun starts!
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.