Barriers to love

You Can’t Get There from Here – The Barriers to Love

You want love.  You want romance.  You want passion.  You paint all the pretty… all the hot… all the intimate pictures in your head. Yet, it never really turns out the way you planned. No matter how hard you try, the reality of your love life rarely, if ever, seems to match the visions in your head.  You experience more barriers to love than love itself. Why?

Because you have left clutter and debris all over the path to love.  You’ve actually erected barricades between you and love.  You put up detour signs for others to follow.  Then you painted all of barriers to love with that magical invisible paint and forgot you ever did.

Yes… when you face the painful, and freeing, truth… that YOU had the power to separate yourself from love and you have the power to reunite with love.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in relationship or single, the first step in experiencing a relationship where the love runs deep and the passion stays hot starts with removing all the obstacles to it.  Rumi said it so well…


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi


You see love is.  Love simply is.

Love never ends.  Love never dies.  Love never leaves.  Love never quits.

You quit on love.  I quit on love.  I turn my back on it.  You turn your back on it. You push it away.  You deny it.

Because to love is to risk…  Only through risk can we ever experience love, joy, peace or passion.


“We may tell ourselves that love is not really available, but the deeper truth is that we don’t entirely trust it, and therefore have a hard time fully opening to it or letting it all the way into us.  This disconnects us from our own heart, exacerbating our sense of love’s scarcity.” ~John Welwood


You might play it safe.  You might keep everything on an even keel.  You might manage your life in a way that you never feel like you really risk or lose anything.  Yet, when playing it safe, when staying in your comfort zone, you eventually recognize the emptiness within you.  You can’t find fulfillment.  Nothing you try fills you up.  You really that nothing in your life really makes love come alive.

If you’re like so many of the men and women I work with, you spend tons of time and energy grasping – working for love… striving to get sex.  At the same time, you have both feet planted solidly on the brakes and you, usually unconscious, refuse to walk down that unknown path of love.  You see imaginary signs saying “Wrong Way.  Go Back”.   These figments of your imagination create more barriers and debris on your path to love.

Then, unfortunately, you get exactly what you were looking for.  You find heartbreak because your mind told you that’s where the path to love leads.

What you believe is what you experience.  There are no ifs, ands or buts about it.

My clients are always shocked when they realize the very things they were trying to protect themselves from in love and life are the exact things they were creating in their loves.  Fear rejection, you’ll feel rejection.  Resist abandonment, you’ll experience abandonment.  Protect against heartache and heartbreak, you’ll surely experience a broken heart.  Why?

Because the barriers and debris you left behind keep you stuck in the past.

No, as much as you might want to blame your ex for the debris, you can’t.  It wasn’t his fault.  You can’t blame her.  Yes, you ex co-created the junk with your ex, but you decided to pick up the baggage and carry it with you.  The good part is you can also put the baggage down.

How do you recognize the barriers to love?  They look something like this…

You can’t find quality men/women.

You’re better at telling your partner (or past partner) what they did wrong. (i.e. you blame.)

You say, “all the good ones are taken.”

You tell the stories of your heartaches, or the way a past lover wronged you, over and over.

You get close and then you pull away.

You break up before they have a chance to break up with you.

You feel like you’ll never get it right and you beat up on you.

You think dressing sexy, moving the right way, or saying the right thing will get you love (or sex.)

You think there is a problem with the opposite sex.

You make other’s needs more important than your own.

You settle for better than nothing.  You go along with what they want.

Do you recognize any of these barriers to love in your life?  (A few of them?  All of them?)

It’s ok.  The first day of the rest of your life starts now.  Now.

You have the power to change.  You might need help.  I did.  And, the truth is you have the power to change everything now.  (If you’re in a relationship, it does not require your partner to do anything.  If you change, the relationship is guaranteed to change. )

So, the question you get to ask yourself in this moment, is… “Do I want to settle for a road of love filled with potholes and speed bumps?  Am I tired of all the detours?  Am I ready to take the freeway to love?”

Then decide to do one thing right now.

Apologize to someone.  Apologize to yourself.  Call a friend and share your commitment.  Tell someone the truth.  Let go of something you’ve been holding onto.

If you want to clear the path in the fastest way possible and you’d like a guide…

If you’d like someone to show you the easiest, most effective and least painful way to leave the baggage of the past behind and clear the path to soul love, then schedule an Igniting Soul Love Session, where I’ll help you see the best, and exact, next steps you can take to get off the detours of love and onto the freeway where you can see, and even feel, the true beauty, intimacy, power and passion of the love – the soul love – in front of you. Use Promo Code: BLOGGIFT to save $100.

The most important gift you could give yourself… The most important gift you could give your present (or future) beloved is… The most important gift you could give the world… is to reunite with love.  Please, follow Rumi’s guidance and stop seeking love.  Put your attention on removing all the barriers to it. 

Until I talk to you personally, I’ll share one of the things I share regularly with those who choose to work with me in depth and radically transform their love life…


Take one small step after one small step and you’ll get there much faster than trying to leap 10 steps and beating yourself up when you stumble.  


In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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