Although subtle and “unseen”, the consciousness of our touch has as much if not more impact on the receiver than the actual touch itself. Have you thought about the energy and emotion behind your touch? What do you want to express when you put your hand on your lover’s body (or anyone’s body for that matter)?
If you start paying attention to how and when you touch, you’ll notice that sometimes you want to give something with your touch and sometimes you want to get something. Yet, our most conscious touch has no need to give or get, just to simply be with another. At the same time, touching to give or get is common for most of us.
Our most conscious touch has no need to give or get, just to simply be with another.
When we are feeling upset, tired, even unloved or lonely, we can reach out to another with our touch in an attempt to soothe our own discomfort. Other times we might reach out to soothe someone else’s pain. All of this is normal and ok… it’s simply important for us to be conscious of our intentions as well as our motivations. Then, we can consciously choose, first, whether to touch and then choose what energy and message we want to convey with that touch. We might also choose any words to accompany that touch. For example, if we are longing to be touched, held or hugged, and we reach out to fill that longing, wouldn’t it be great if we said, “I’m really needing a hug right now, would you hold me?” Then the other person can choose to fully open and offer their genuine support and love. Compare that to times when you’ve hugged someone and you feel their desire to get something from you, from the hug, albeit likely conscious, is so strong it drains you, if not repels you.
If you are in that place of feeling tired, upset, needy… can you imagine it might be better for the person you are touching if you told them how you were feeling or what you are needing so they could consciously choose how to best support you?
If you are wanting to offer loving touch … is it at the end of the day when you are tired from the office and you’re still carrying the stress of the day with you? It may seem silly, but your partner can feel that energy – if even subtly – in your touch. Do you want your touch to enliven your partner or drain him or her? Before you touch, you can imagine the stressful energy draining or washing away so that you can bring love to your touch.
Choose consciously to fill your touch with love, compassion, tenderness, desire… whatever you want to express… just choose it consciously.
Here’s another aspect of touch you might want to consider…
Are you comfortable receiving touch? Are you comfortable touching others? Do you freely give and receive touch or does some part of you withdraw when you are touched? Are you sometimes uncertain when or how to touch another?
There are times when our uncertainties will be more prominent than others… when getting to know a new prospective love interest or when we’re with someone we haven’t seen in a long time… or when there is pain and we want to comfort or be comforted (or not!) All of these experiences are natural.
The invitation here is for you to notice how open or closed you are to touch… Do you fully enjoy it or is some part of you holding back because of your fears or uncertainties?
My experience is that many of us are craving more touch… particularly conscious touch where we feel comfortable and safe to relax, receive and enjoy. A friend of mine was recently just stroking my head as we sat on a sofa and he shared that it’s a recommended practice in the Ayurvedic tradition for calming the mind. No wonder I’ve always loved that form of touch so much!
Become conscious of your touch!
In love, light and ecstasy,
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.