Emotional Attraction: 10 Ways to Trigger it in Men and Women

Emotional attraction lies at the heart of true romantic connections, especially those that include a feminine being who is often, but not always, a woman. That doesn’t mean that physical attraction doesn’t play a part romantically. It surely does. Yet, the necessity of emotional attraction in sustainable romantic partnerships cannot be overlooked. Unfortunately, it often is. Sometimes it’s even avoided. When this critical component of lasting attraction gets overlooked, the foundation of the relationship lacks an essential element.

Emotional attraction forms the basis of genuine Intimacy in all its forms. As a matter of fact you can’t experience emotional intimacy in an intimate partnership without emotional attraction. In heterosexual couples, and all couples with a predominantly feminine partner, this need for emotional attraction can be overshadowed by the masculine need for physical attraction, especially when combined with the surging bonding hormones always present in a new connection. 

Again unfortunately, when those hormones wear off, when the best foot is no longer being put forward, when the inevitable conflict arises, and emotional attraction doesn’t truly exist, the two people will find it nearly impossible to keep the relationship alive. If you want a relationship to last, whether masculine or feminine by nature, you need to ensure you have emotional attraction from the start.

We’ll begin by exploring the meaning of emotional attraction, then give examples of what triggers it in men and women, and finally conclude with the number one way to build emotional attraction.

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What is emotional attraction?

Emotional attraction makes you feel. Specifically, it makes your heart feel something. It moves you, it moves your heart. It draws you to someone in a very unique and different way than physical or sexual attraction. Emotional attraction by definition creates an emotional experience within you and those feelings are often also reflected or reciprocated in the one you find yourself attracted to. 

While emotional attraction can simply bring a warm contentment, a comfort like home, and an ease of heart, emotionally attractive experiences also have the power to take you into the deepest realms of blissful joy. You might find yourself filled with awe and wonder in the presence of this person. In these deeper, more expansive emotions you may even find yourself beyond words. Emotional attraction can leave you in an indescribable state. It can take your breath away.

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How it differs for the masculine and feminine 

Interestingly, when we explore emotional attraction in the realm of the masculine and feminine we find that it’s experienced in similar ways internally, yet what externally triggers that emotional attraction can vary quite significantly between masculine and feminine beings. Upon closer examination, we find a direct relationship between emotional attraction and physical attraction. 

If we were to pair these two types of attraction with masculine and feminine energy, physical attraction falls in the realm of the masculine while emotional attraction falls in the realm of the feminine. Yet, as you may remember, all humans have both energies which means emotional and physical attraction happens in all beings. Which comes first, or said another way, which ignites the other, definitely varies between masculine and feminine beings.

Bringing the chakras into the conversation, depending on the texts you read some will say that the heart is the emotional center while others say that emotion arises in the sexual center. For our exploration of emotional attraction, where the emotion starts doesn’t matter as much as understanding how it relates to our masculine and feminine aspects within the chakras, or energy centers, themselves. 

Men or masculine beings, especially younger men, often access their heart center romantically through their sexual center. Most women, or feminine beings, commonly can’t access their sexual center without going through the heart center, where they experience emotional attraction. 

We find that in masculine beings, where physical attraction tends to take the lead, sexual attraction commonly leads to emotional attraction. In feminine beings, emotional attraction takes the front seat and combines with physical attraction. While these differences can confuse and frustrate some, the divine design was perfect. The differences invite us to learn from each other and develop into our fullest selves. These two necessary types of attraction call us to integrate the masculine and feminine within, in order to know not only the most profound attraction but also the deepest love and passion. 

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What triggers emotional attraction in a man? 

Realizing that emotions fall under the realm of the feminine, that means emotions arise secondarily in a predominantly masculine being. The masculine by nature thinks over feels. In other words, emotions are not a “go to” for the masculine. Yet still he needs access to both thinking and feeling, especially in the realm of union and partnership. With this in mind, the feminine triggers emotional attraction in a man first and foremost by making him feel. 

Let’s look at 10 specific ways the feminine can inspire feeling in a man: 

1. Move his heart by being fully who you are. Don’t try to win his heart. Be you and find out if his heart naturally opens. 
2. Call out his hero by letting yourself need him. Allow yourself to choose to depend on him.
3. Inspire him through sharing what matters to you most. Let him know why it matters to you. 
4. Bring your joy. Feminine joy ignites masculine joy.
5. Be vulnerable. He isn’t moved by how much you can handle and he doesn’t need you to be weak either. Just let him know when it hurts.
6. Create a safe space for his vulnerability. Don’t try to pull it out of him, just let him feel that it’s welcome. (And, know that when he gets truly vulnerable, he may pull away afterwards. That’s normal for a masculine being. Don’t chase him and he’ll return more open and connected.) 
7. Don’t make excuses for him. Don’t settle. Lovingly demand his best. 
8. Be real. Your real genuine imperfect self will move the conscious masculine heart just as much as any physical traits. 
9. Be alive and passionate. Live the life of your dreams no matter what. He thrives on your happiness (and will almost always do anything he can to support it.)  
10. Embrace your pleasure. Your enjoyed sensuality, distinctively different from your sexuality, brings him great joy.  

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What triggers emotional attraction in a woman?

As we have said, emotions lie at the heart of feminine embodiment and expression. So emotional attraction truly matters to feminine beings. The good news is that it’s often easier to trigger emotional attraction in a woman than it is in a man. 

With that, here are 10 specific ways to trigger emotional attraction in a woman. 

1. Look out for her wellbeing. Yes, this makes her feel loved – and feeling loved is at the heart of emotional attraction.
2. Be real and authentic. You don’t need to prove yourself to her. Be confident in who you truly are, perfectly imperfect, and share that with her. 
3. Keep your heart in the center of your presence. Stand committed to your truth and maintain an open heart in that truth.
4. Allow the tenderness of your heart to show. The masculine is soft on the inside. Let it show.
5. Protect her. The feminine wants to feel safe. When you keep that in mind and do things that protect her now and in the future she will feel it in her heart.
6. Be kind to others. Let your generosity and care for others show. Again, her heart will respond to your expressions of love for others as much as for her.
7. Be vulnerable with her. Be courageous enough to reveal your tender underbelly to her but don’t collapse your presence in it. 
8. Go deep. Most feminine beings are turned on, in their hearts and bodies, by deep meaningful conversations. 
9. Keep your word even when it’s hard. Renegotiate if you can’t keep your word. You’ll inspire trust, respect, and love when you do. 
10. Stand up for yourself with her. Don’t let her push you around. She may not always like it, but again your authenticity will open her heart in respect, honor, and love. 

If you’d like a couple of bonus ways to create emotional attraction in a woman, you might find moments each day to caress her and express affection, without being sexual. Remember, opening her heart opens the feminine’s sexuality. Touch her face, her hair. Hold her hand. Send her sweet texts – again without trying to get her in bed. You can absolutely be alluring and enticing but you don’t want to be directly sexual most of the time. Because her emotional attraction leads to her physical attraction, when you ignite this emotional intimacy she’ll actually desire you more sexually. 

Emotional attraction does work differently for the feminine and the masculine. If you’re a masculine man and you assume her attraction, specifically her physical attraction works like yours, your attempts to arouse her just might backfire. 

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The #1 way to build this attraction

This may not be the most comfortable invitation, but we’ll get right to the point answering the question, how do you build emotional attraction? You ignite this attractive force by sharing emotionally, by opening up and being vulnerable, by letting your genuine self – especially your soft side – be seen and known. 

This takes both courage and commitment. It means building a conscious relationship with your own emotions. How can you share emotionally with another if you’re not comfortable with your own feelings. Now with all that being said, our society has ingrained us to believe that feeling, especially having strong feelings – or what some would call negative emotions – is unacceptable. We’ve been taught as both men and women, as both the masculine and feminine, to “never let them see you cry.” We’ve formed a society that regularly invites us to avoid our emotions through alcohol, food, drugs, work, and even sex. 

Yet, remember, emotional attraction finds its roots in our ability to feel. So again the best way to build emotional attraction is to be emotionally engaged and practice the emotional intimacy we described earlier. This will be challenging at the beginning. It can feel foreign. That’s ok. It will get easier as you get more comfortable with feeling – feeling both the feelings that feel uncomfortable as well as the emotions that we consider positive and actively seek. It may surprise you and we’ve seen time and time again in our retreats and programs that many masculine and feminine beings alike don’t realize they can feel as uncomfortable in the wonderful emotions as in the not-so-comfortable emotions. Many actually find it challenging to allow themselves the permission and courage to feel deep love, immense joy, true peace. So we need to build our capacity for the “good” emotions too. 

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In closing, on your journey toward emotional attraction and intimacy, you first want to remember you can’t get this right. It’s a growth process, a deepening process. To support you in your practice you might find it interesting to discover some of the differences between men’s emotions and women’s emotions. While emotions are emotions – how we relate to them, experience them, and express them can truly vary. 

In the long run your heart will thank you for your courage because the sustainability of any long term romantic connection absolutely depends on the emotional attraction created through your capacity to feel and reveal feelings. 

Here’s to sustained love… 

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…