The Feminine Surrenders to the Masculine
If you’re not breathing… breathe. This topic stirs up all kinds of responses. If you’re upset or annoyed, please keep reading. I suspect today’s title might even trigger stronger reactions for some. If you’re reacting, I can share that my learning of this very practice brought much joy to my life and it also brought great joy and pleasure to the men in my life.
Whether you are a man or a woman, I invite you to see how the feminine shows up in your life. Do you allow it? Do you hide it? Do you fear it? Do you think it’s weak? Fearing the feminine, hiding it away, and for some even hating it will obviously deeply challenge your ability to surrender to it. Even if you don’t love your feminine energy, you might recognize something here that suggests embracing it and surrendering to it does truly lead to joy, to healing, to bliss, to happiness, to ecstasy, for both the surrender-er and the one surrendered to.
Just as I said last time, our society has enormous conditioning around feminine energy. I read once that in the minds of many the worst thing you could call a man or a woman was “a woman.” Yet, the feminine has soooo much power, so much to give, so much to offer the world… experiences, feelings, sensations… that are not possible from any other place besides feminine surrender. Not only that, you’ll read shortly about the enormous attractive power of surrender.
To receive is to surrender. To open your heart completely is to surrender. To orgasm is to surrender. To awaken is to surrender.
Do you surrender fully?
When I say either the “Masculine Protects the Feminine” or “The Feminine Surrenders to the Masculine” I don’t mean that woman are weak or can’t take care of themselves. Women don’t need men to survive any more and women need men to thrive just as men need women to thrive. We nourish each other. We feed each other. To fully receive each other’s gifts we must engage in the dance of the masculine and feminine. (If you’d like a reminder about some of the characteristics of the masculine and feminine, check out the last article “The Masculine Protects the Feminine” or “The Dance of the Masculine and Feminine.“)
If the masculine (whether present in a male or female body) is to protect the feminine, the feminine must surrender to his presence and guidance. She must surrender to receive any masculine gift… direction, providing, presence, ravishing, just to name a few. It can’t work any other way. Masculine trying to protect masculine (in a male or female body) is possible on some level, but doesn’t have the depth, the blissful awakening power, of the surrendered feminine.
She must surrender to receive the masculine gifts…
direction, providing, presence, ravishing… just to name a few.
What does it mean to surrender? The Merriam-Webster dictionary offers many definitions and the one I’m speaking of here is “to give oneself up into the power of another” and offers the synonym of “yield.” It is perfect. It is the feminine yielding to the power, guidance, and presence of the masculine. This yielding in no way diminishes the power of the feminine because feminine power expresses itself differently and brings very different results. We’ll explore the difference between masculine and feminine power another day.
Is the feminine in you willing to yield to the masculine?
As you’ve probably heard many times, masculine and feminine energies reside in each of us. The goal is to know and allow the authentic and natural flow of these energies in your body. So, as we dive deeper into examples of how this surrender might appear for both men and women, notice when and how you allow the feminine to flow in your life.
Inherent in yielding you must give up control. You must put yourself in the “hands” of another. The very thought of giving up control terrifies many of us. For me, being in control, or better said trying to be in control, made me feel safe. And… I couldn’t receive, I couldn’t go with the flow, and I sure as heck couldn’t orgasm. Surrendering control is a path to freedom, to bliss, to joy. It’s an essential ingredient in being protected and feeling safe. It’s feels like a contradiction and yet when experienced, we know it to be the truth. Whether we want to admit it or not, women (and any one expressing feminine energy) need to feel safe. The only way we can receive protection from outside ourselves is to surrender to our protector, to trust their sense of control and direction. That outside protection might show up in the form of a man, a woman or even God or spirit.
Can you give up control?
I mentioned orgasm. So many women struggle with orgasm because they do not allow themselves to surrender to their partners. They don’t allow themselves to surrender to their own pleasure. Now, I’m not suggesting surrendering to a partner you don’t trust and… why would you be making love with a partner you don’t trust? Choose a partner you trust and then trust. Men (or women holding masculine energy) you must be trustworthy if you want your partner to surrender. If your feminine energy partner isn’t surrendering, look within yourself and ask, “how am I not being trustworthy?” It always takes two of you to create the dynamic you’re experiencing.
Choose a partner you trust and then trust.
Again, this is not gender specific. Men who naturally embody predominantly masculine energy can surrender just as deeply into their feminine, if they allow it. One of my teachers, David Deida, talks about his experience in the evening after teaching a workshop. During a workshop he continually expresses the fullness of his masculine presence and direction and at the end of the day his masculine is exhausted. As I remember it, he describes it as not being able to make a decision to save his life. He totally surrenders into his feminine receptivity and not just allows, but needs, the masculine to show up, direct and provide for him. He trusts the masculine and regardless of whether that energy shows up in a male or female body, it’s required by his total feminine surrender. Men, for you to have a women totally surrender to you, you must fully embody your masculine.
Full surrender of the feminine requires full presence of the masculine.
Surrender also co-creates the magnetic attraction between the masculine and the feminine. One of my earliest clients was a man in his 40’s, successful by every measure, and yet never married and very much wishing he was. Together we explored the dynamics and polarity of masculine and feminine energy in his life and soon he had an experience where the surrender of the feminine and it’s power became readily apparent.
He met a woman at a party on a weekend and while at the party he discovered she was a wine connoisseur of sorts. He invited her out to dinner a few days later and when they sat down and decided to order a bottle of wine. He thought, “She knows much more about wine than I do, I’ll let her choose.” Yet, when that choice was offered to her, she declined saying, “I make decisions all day long. I’d love for you to make that decision.” In a heartbeat, he felt trusted and, hence, empowered. Simultaneously his attraction to her rose dramatically. Her surrender to him had enormous attractive force. Her surrender, her receptivity, was her power. A few months later they were engaged.
Her surrender to him had enormous attractive force.
Her surrender, her receptivity, was her power.
Let’s look at surrender from one more perspective. When a man opens his heart to love it is a surrender. Women, you must remember this. You can not force love on a man. He must feel safe. His heart must feel protected, not in a “defend it” way, but in an “I won’t attack” way. A man’s heart center holds feminine energy, just as a woman’s sexual center holds feminine energy. Both require conscious masculine energy to surrender fully open. Women, the safety and protection you desire and need for your sexual center to open, a man also needs for his heart to open. (Women, you don’t need to act like a man to hold that masculine. There is actually nothing you need to do besides be consciously open and with an energy of protection for his heart.)
When a man opens his heart to love it is a surrender.
Whether you’re finding surrender in yourself or you’re awakening to the part of you that holds the masculine presence allowing another to fully surrender your life will be enriched by the exploration. Surrender will attract the masculine. Surrender will awaken deep pleasure, not just sexually, but in all moments of life. Surrender will bring peace and awaken creativity. Surrender will ignite love and ecstasy.
Is it time for you to surrender? Is it time for you to allow another to surrender?
I suggest both… and let your heart be the guide that knows where you need to start.
In love, light and ecstasy,
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.
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November 4th-6th, 2022
November 4th -6th, 2022