Get out of Jail Free!

This morning, I was enjoying my daily self-care ritual (Guys… hang on a minute… this might sound too female at the moment, but read on… I strongly believe you’ll see yourself as well as you read on…) Anyway… I was dancing actually… and I started to notice ways I resisted my desire for freedom, ways I held myself back… even in the privacy of my own room.

My iPod was playing fast dance music about love, relationships, and sex and although the music inspired a total freedom of expression within me, another part of me said, “don’t do that!”  While the rhythm made me want to move in all kinds of wild, sexy and free ways, a voice inside my head said, “That’s not nice.  That’s too sexy.  That’s nasty.”  In the past, the voice might have said, “That’s looks stupid.  You can’t dance.  You’re embarrassing yourself!”  (Again, I was the only one in the room and whether it was slow and sweet or hot and sexy, the dance was just for me – just because it felt good.)

The inner critic sure can run wild inside our heads sometimes!  I watched as a subtle inner battle between good and bad, nice and naughty, right and wrong took place inside me.  I continued to watch and then noticed I felt comfortable (safe) shaking some parts of my body, but other parts were off limits. The bootie is something I am not really comfortable shaking and judgments ran through my head like wildfire.  Needless to say, I’d found a comfort zone, a limit to my freedom… and it was self-imposed! 

It still amazes me that as much clearing as I’ve done, I still find myself limiting my own freedom and holding on to the safety of my comfort zones.

Then other limitations and comfort zones popped up… I remembered songs that a part of me loved, while another part of me was embarrassed by.  I specifically recollected the words chanted to the old “Mony, Mony” song, “Get laid… get…”

I realized my nice girl syndrome was playing out again… I’ll write more about the nice girl, nice guy syndromes in another article, but for right now, let’s just say that always being the nice girl or nice guy is usually a cover up for some part of ourselves that we want to deny or hide (it sure was for me!).   Being nice can be a trap.  It’s usually based on a set of rules and shoulds that we’ve learned to live by that keep us and everyone around us feeling safe and comfortable… and nobody is free!

Most of us are afraid of someone or something… a job, a relationship, marriage, kids, new business, a house… taking away our freedom.

No one else can… we personally take away more of our own freedom than anyone else ever could, because we listen to the voices inside our head!  Those voices are our own rules, our own laws… and we create our own jail!

Notice this week all the things you tell yourself are wrong, bad, or not ok.  Notice how many limits you put on yourself – on your self-expression, on your activities, on your relaxation, on your movement, your words, what you do or don’t do, how you dress, how you dance… notice them all.  You might even write them down.   Just notice.

Then set yourself free.  We all have our own personal “get our of jail free card”.  I suggest you use yours and be yourself  And, if you are worried about needing another, just ask.  I have tons and I’ll send you another!

Happy freedom! 

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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  1. khayward on October 29, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Hi Honey! Great post! LOVED it! Such good advice – and I'll be takin' it! 🙂

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