Having a Love or Sex Famine

Having a Love or Sex Famine?

I’ve recently been blessed by writers who have spoken about the power of love and sex to transform and heal.  One of them speaks directly to the sexual famine we’re experiencing in America.  I included one of his quotes in my article a couple of weeks ago and life this week has inspired me to include it again.  The topic I’d planned to write about today, got overridden by events in the past 18 hours…  I am reminded deeply of the power of love… and the power of sexuality.

There have been many times in my life where I’ve experienced a love AND sex famine.  So often I blamed life; so often I felt cheated; so often I was angry.  Yet over the years, I found that I was the defining force behind my experience… or lack there of.  Sometimes I didn’t trust.  Sometimes love and intimacy felt too risky.  Sometimes I simply didn’t know how to open up and receive.  At times, I couldn’t recognize pleasure if it was staring me in the face.  And, most often, I simply didn’t have time, or that’s what I said.  This is the one that still plagues me the most, and other reasons show their face occasionally.

On New Years Eve, when I reflected on what I desired to experience more of in 2013, it was simply more loving, playful, joyful experiences.  I have put such high value on my passion, my business, and calling in the world.   Yes, that is immensely important…  and, sometimes I forgot or disregarded the other things I value… love, connection, joy, intimacy, pleasure.  My mind can tell me they are less important than performance, results, action, contribution.  They are not… they are equally important and this year I desire to deepen my experience of – joy, pleasure, intimacy, and nlove – more deeply… more often.  My life is already deeply blessed with these and I desire to experience and SHARE even more of them with those I love and connect with.


What do you value that you’ve been putting on the back burner, making second priority?


My belief… and my experience with so many friends and clients… is that we all share a deep desire to connect, to love, and enjoy intimate pleasure.  And, that most of us have been experiencing some level of famine.


… most of us have been experiencing some level of famine.


I was reminded last night… while I was working a deal to buy a convertible… something that brings me MUCH pleasure.   At the end of the conversation, I told the salesman I’d call him first thing Monday morning  to let him know if we had a deal.  He said, “I’ll be here unless my 2 year old granddaughter dies.”  Shocked, I asked if this was a possibility and he shared that yes, it was a real possibility.  I won’t go into the details, but his gratitude for the short time they’ve been blessed with her life meant so much… He treasured that they’ve already gotten to love her 18 months longer than the doctors thought.  Driving home, I was reminded of my dear friend Fay, who is facing the reality that cancer may bring her life to a close much sooner than any of us would have anticipated.


Life is precious… we can’t get it back after it’s gone.

Is it time to reconnect… better yet, recommit to the experiencing and sharing the love that is so precious to each of us? 


Is it time… whether we’re willing to admit the longing… whether it feels like there’s time in our busy lives… whether it feels like it’s even available or possible?

Fay… in her blog, referenced a book about healing I gave her recently.  She wrote about the book, “it says that love is one of the most {powerful} longevity enhancers.  It says particularly having a long-term marriage or primary relationship with one person… Being surrounded by loving friends and support also were very important to longevity.  Women with metastatic cancer in a support group lived twice as long as women in the control group without a support group.”  Love is powerful beyond words.

Dr. Oz writes about the power of sex and pleasure…”We’re not having sex anymore, and we’re not doing things that bring us vitality and joy of life.” He speaks about how healthy loving sexuality increases our longevity and life force.


I assure you… you are influencing your experience of love and pleasure — how abundant it is or how lacking it is.  You have a choice. 

Who would you like to deepen in love with?

What would bring you pleasure?  big pleasure?  simple pleasure?  deep pleasure?


Are you willing to take a step forward – deeper, closer to pleasure, to love?   Even if it’s risky?  Really risky?

You might get hurt… you might get disappointed.  Are you willing anyway?  If you never risk, you’ll never receive.  You’ll never experience.  I pray for all of us… each one of us individually and all of us as a whole that we all experience more love and pleasure.


I imagine the love and pleasure each of us independently experiences and shares comes together to ignite more peace, joy and love in the world. 


Is it time to end the famine?  Are you willing?


In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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