High Value Woman: The Myths, the Power and the Truth

The mistaken myths of the high value woman often drive women to hold expectations for themselves that simply don’t serve. At the same time, these myths also often make these amazing women confusing, and even intimidating to the men who might love them. Too often the high value woman is mistaken as someone self-centered and even arrogant. Yet you’ll come to realize that while a high value woman has a strong relationship with herself, she’s unexpectedly also quite humble and truly generous.

As we consider both the power and the truth of this kind of woman, we’ll explore high value woman traits and also explain how to be a high value woman in both life and love. Of course, along the way, we’ll dispel the myths of her and ensure that if you’re a woman, you know how to overcome the potential intimidation factor. 

Finally, if you’re someone who loves a high value woman, you’ll realize the true gifts she can give you and the relationship you develop together – because of the power of her commitment to herself. Men, you’ll also discover how to be authentically yourself and everything a high value woman desires. 

Whether you’re a woman yourself, or you love or want to love a high value woman, let’s understand her in depth… 

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What is a high value woman?

Let’s start with a high value woman definition in the simplest terms. A high value woman values herself. It’s that simple. She values herself as she is. Yet – here’s where one of the most common misconceptions arises – she is not of higher value than another. She’s not more valuable than any other woman, or her partner for that matter. Simply put,  the high value woman consistently values herself. She knows her worth and her worth does not diminish anyone else’s.

“A high value woman consistently values herself. She knows her worth and her worth does not diminish anyone else’s.”

~Joanna Shakti 

A woman who knows her value does not feel she has to play small to make others comfortable nor does she feel like she has to settle for less than her heart’s knowing of what is right for her. She knows and respects what aligns or doesn’t align with her soul. She feels her value deep within. It’s not an egoic self-aggrandizing sense of self, but a soulful understanding of her essence and her reason for being. 

Too often people associate a high value woman with the judgmental view of a high maintenance woman who demands everything and offers nothing. These perspectives do not accurately reflect the truth of this powerful woman. While it is accurate that a high value woman will also often be a high maintenance woman, this does not present a problem. Being high maintenance becomes an asset for her and those she loves. 

The high value woman gives herself more love, care, and attention (maintenance) because that’s what we do for things we value. The more valuable something feels to us, the more we care for it. We don’t leave our prized possessions out in the rain so to speak. 

Let’s get more specific about her traits… 

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High value woman traits

As we begin to explore the signs of a high value woman, we’ll see that more than anything else, a high value woman shows up authentically. She doesn’t try to be anything or anyone other than herself. She doesn’t inflate or deflate her presence or abilities. She doesn’t think she’s superior nor does she feel insignificant in contrast to others. She’s not selfish nor is she a martyr. 

This means a high value woman can feel truly humble while also being deeply self honoring. Her standards come from a place of self knowing, self honoring, and self care. She doesn’t need to care for herself at another’s expense. Her conscious care of self, coupled with her receptivity, in turn allows her to consciously care for another. In her full expression, a high value woman will care not just for another, but for many others. High value women naturally rise as powerful influencers and leaders in the world. 

And now to her traits. A high value woman..  

1. Holds a strong sense of self and knows who she is. This includes her needs, wants, desires, turn ons, and turn offs.
2. Has deep self honor that empowers her to stay congruent and aligned with who she is. 
3. Offers self compassion and easily practices self forgiveness. 
4. Puts her needs first (and better cares for her beloved and others because she is full).
5. Knows her boundaries and lives by them.
6. Says no with kindness.
7. Is emotionally available. 
8. Has integrity (most importantly with herself).
9. Knows her standards and doesn’t settle for less than that – in life, love, or lovemaking.
10. Inspires others, especially those close to her. She never needs to make another feel small. 
11. Knows and honors her uniqueness which means she realizes she is priceless and irreplaceable.
12. Doesn’t try to be anything but herself and hence authenticity leads the way for her. 
13. Allows herself to be interdependent in relationships which means she has boundaries and remains connected. 
14. Moves with grace.
15. Is generous.
16. Is not demanding which means she shares her values and what matters most to her. If her values don’t align for another she has a willingness to move on with grace and kindness.
17. Is visionary for herself and the world. 
18. Embodies vulnerability and knows that neither her emotions nor her sensitivity make her weak or needy. 
19. Embodies the divine feminine.
20. Speaks with compassion and kind.
21. Feels genuinely confident without being arrogant.
22. Doesn’t compete. She realizes there can be no true comparison because every person, every other woman, exists truly uniquely and therefore remains incomparable. 
23. Embodies a self-assuredness that means she doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone. 
24. Receives graciously.
25. Feels joyful on a regular basis because she’s living her life and not a life of sacrifice or performance because she subscribed to someone else’s prescription for her life. 
26. She’s sovereign and therefore isn’t threatened by others’ behaviors even when they don’t align with her values.  
27. Is humble because while she knows others have skills and gifts that she doesn’t, she also knows another’s brilliance doesn’t diminish her own.

Having seen these deep traits of truly powerful women, please know that any, every, high value woman will, while embodying these traits, also be messy, imperfect, and sometimes unconscious. Don’t mistake high value with perfect. It is her capacity to be fully human with self-compassion that allows her deepest compassion, love, and care for self and others. 

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How to be a high value woman in life 

Remember what makes a high value woman comes from within. It has nothing to do with performance, accomplishment, nor physical appearance. It doesn’t matter how others perceive her or what she has done in her life. How she perceives herself matters most when learning how to be a high value woman. 

This means that to live as a high value woman you will… 

• Get to know yourself. This takes a courage that many can’t find, but the only path to truly valuing you starts with knowing you. 
• Become familiar with the ways you judge, criticize and put yourself down. These self-deprecating habits need to be released because just as we treasure a diamond, flaws and all, we honor a high value woman imperfections and all.   
• Learn true self care. Soulful self care depends on much more than pretty nails and a night out with the girls. When you eliminate the habits of self abandonment and you care for yourself first, you will begin to give from fullness instead of sacrifice. Your generosity will become authentic and sustainable.  
• Discover what you value, and commit to never compromising the core of who you are. Realize that when you settle in an attempt to connect you actually end up losing all capacity to feel connected. 
• Catch any unrealistic expectations in relationships for yourself or the other person. When you see these unconscious demands, practice shifting them into ways of being aligned and authentic for you. 
• Reclaim your choice. When you give up your power to choose, you move into a victim, or choiceless, mindset. Start to recognize every choice you have and make those choices consciously in honor of your soul. 
• Be authentic. Be authentically brilliant and be genuinely messy. The beauty and the mess is all you. The more you remain fully you, the more you will love you, and the more you will feel the love of others.

Give yourself time to move through these steps. Most of us have been conditioned to devalue ourselves. Many of us have been shamed for claiming our worth. Allow yourself to discover that your innate soulful brilliance holds the highest value anyone could ever desire. 

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How she shows up in dating and relationships 

Let’s get a bit more detailed about how a high value woman shows up in romantic connections. First and foremost, in dating and relationships the high value woman is a “buyer” not a “seller”. She doesn’t feel the need to prove her value (aka sell herself) to a potential partner. The high value woman knows her inherent worth and reveals it in her interactions with men. She lets herself be the treasure that is pursued. She holds herself as sacred, priceless, and irreplaceable. She consciously chooses her partner without settling and then allows that person to choose her as well. And if he doesn’t, she gracefully moves on to someone who does. 

A high value woman never puts others down. She doesn’t need to do that in order to elevate herself or feel valuable and good about herself. She’s actually one of the kindest women you’ll meet. 

The high value woman has needs but is not needy. She’s responsible for her needs. She doesn’t make anyone, especially her partner responsible for them. She will certainly desire (and need) a long term partner who contributes to her needs, but she certainly won’t demand it. Her aligned partner will be inspired and excited to contribute to her. She in turn receives with grace and joy. 

When a high value woman puts her needs first, it means that all the contributions she makes to others – whether they deplete or fill her – come from true generosity. She doesn’t overgive and therefore the damage of resentment can never creep in. 

She doesn’t make excuses for her man. She lets him take care of himself and knows his behavior doesn’t reflect on her. Her standards keep her from tolerating what isn’t congruent with her values, and while she’s compassionate and kind, the high value woman never allows herself to be the victim of another’s choices. She’s not threatened by her partner’s decisions. She knows she can choose again. She may not like making a choice to separate, yet she knows she has the strength and capacity to be on her own if that’s what it takes to maintain her integrity and honor in relationship to herself. 

She can say “no” with love. She says “that doesn’t work for me” and her authentic self expression holds the power to call her partner’s greatest self forward. If she doesn’t let him know when something is out of alignment for her she implies it’s ok for him to sit back on his laurels, if you will. An unspoken no would imply she’s ok with what happened, but a high value woman doesn’t do this. She speaks the truth even when it’s uncomfortable.

A high value woman stays in her feminine in her romantic connections. She doesn’t step in and take over for her masculine date or partner. She stays true to her feminine nature and doesn’t feel the need to assert herself in a masculine way. She desires that in a partner and allows a masculine being to offer that contribution to her. 

If she starts taking care of him more than he takes care of her, her feminine allure (and value) decreases in his eyes, while her view of his value also is diminished. The high value woman knows if she takes on the masculine energy she’ll find herself unhappy and disappointed. Eventually her respect for her partner would dwindle and she’d begin emasculating. But, again, the high value woman doesn’t do that. She holds her own and practices divine feminine energy connection and cultivation.  

This woman respects a man who shows up, of course imperfectly at times, but he’s there. He stands with himself and with her. Her man cleans up his mistakes and any lapses in his integrity. The value of his word matters as much to him as it does to her. He’s accountable to himself first and then to her. 

A partnership between a high value woman and a high value man, or any high value person she loves, will serve the other’s soul. Their power together will serve humanity itself. 

“The united power of high value couples serves humanity itself.”

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Overcoming the intimidation factor

Even though relating to, or being, a high value woman can seem intimidating to the imagination, showing up and loving in a high value way becomes the simplest, easiest thing one could ever do – and it brings immense benefits. 

In contrast to the myths and misperceptions we’ve discussed, a truly high value woman offers consistent kindness and compassion. She does not appear snooty or arrogant in any way. She can consciously turn down a date, request, or invitation with conscious care and respect. She can say no with grace and leave the other person feeling loved and honored by her authenticity. Intimidation gets replaced with respect.

To those around them, true high value women become inspiring, not intimidating. They call forth the best in others, and most especially in the men who find them attractive. With that, a high value woman is abundant with praise, admiration, and appreciation for the generosity and contributions others bestow upon her

A man who interacts with a high value woman and realizes he has not yet stepped into his highest value and integrity, will want to acknowledge that he has room to grow in himself. He then has two choices. He can step back into work on himself on his own before attempting to build a relationship with her. In this case he can walk away inspired to more, leaving her not with judgment but with respect. 

On the other hand, he can step into the soul fire of growth with her, knowing that her presence will surely bring up the unconscious lids and limitations he has put on himself so that they may be burned away in love. Neither path is for the faint of heart. For those who have the courage and depth to meet the fire with her will dramatically accelerate their path to divine masculine embodiment. Together both her soul and his will evolve into higher expression. Either way, a man who loves a high value woman knows deep within that he must stand true as himself first. 

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Relationships are better with a high value woman

After we described above how a high value woman shows up in romantic relationships, we wanted to take a moment to name the immense benefits of being in a relationship with a woman who holds herself this way. 

Remember, living as a high value woman is not selfish. A woman’s strong relationship with herself eliminates innumerable sabotaging factors in relationships, especially romantic ones. When a high value woman shows up in a relationship, there is no more…

• Self abandonment
• Resentment
• Regret
• Pedestals (and falling off them)
• Unrealistic expectations
• Jealousy
• Controlling of self or other 
• Blaming
• Insecurity
• Anxious and avoidant attachment patterns 
• Months without sex 

Being and loving a high value woman brings not only the makings of a sustainable romantic relationship, it also makes possible the ecstatic blending of two lives in a breathtaking fairy tale of “I didn’t know it could be this good.”  

For the women reading, no matter what you think or feel about yourself in this moment, even if the idea of a high value woman felt nebulous or impossible, you are a high value woman. You are priceless because you are irreplaceable. You deserve everything meant for your soul. You were born to thrive in joy. It’s simply time to find the high value woman within you, set her free, and trust her – if you dare. 

For the men, those who love high value women, and all others reading, you too are unquestionably high value beings. We’ll say more about high value men coming up, and for now, when you allow a high value woman into your life, when you choose to love her, you will find yourself inspired to step into the highest version of yourself, into your soul’s highest mission – again and again, if you dare.

Here’s to high value – it’s joy, and it’s blessings for all.  

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

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You too, are invited…

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