Hot or Not? Part 1
At the New Year so many of us reflect on what we’ve done or not done in the past year, while we look at what we want in the new year. Regardless of what happened last year, I challenge you to decide whether you want a life that is hot or not… if YOU want to be hot or not. What do I mean? I mean that I hope you realize that you are the leader in your life. You have th power to create the life you desire. I promise.
So many of us see our lives and the “results” we experience from a powerless point of view. We can fall into feeling like a victim of circumstances. And today, on new year’s day, I’m inviting you to decide what you want in 2015 and actually choose to go for it. Seriously, you get to decide if your life is hot or not. You get to decide if your love is hot or not.
Now can you, in this moment, change all your habits and behaviors so that everything is all different instantly. No. This is the moment where you can decide that you’re on a new journey. This is the time to choose that you are WILLING to clear out the past… the road blocks… so you CAN have the life you’ve always wanted. Then the clearing can happen naturally as part of the process.
So notice do these sound like things you’ve said or done?
You want a new job but you don’t really pursue of it. You have a dream that you think about, daydream about, hoping it will happen and you don’t take even one step toward it. You want a relationship that’s more magical, more intimate, more passionate, more peaceful, more sex-filled… What’s your want?
Are you longing for someone to love? Are you hoping someone will love you?
Love — life — the great stuff doesn’t usually happen on a “wing and a prayer” as they say. It’s more like the saying…”If it’s to be, it’s up to me.”
We have to stand in our power. We have to choose our dreams. We have to say “yes” to our desires… and we have to take the steps to make them a reality.
This is not to say, as many would think, that you have to do it all yourself. Many people will help you, but you have to lead the charge. You have to decide that you’re done with the old way and choose the new path. You won’t always get it right. You will go back to the old habits –- especially in the beginning — and you have to choose to stay to path even then.
The biggest changes — getting healthy, losing weight, healing the past, finding love — happen when we decide. To decide means to cut off all other options. It means we’re committed to the new path… no matter what.
What do you decide this New Year’s Day?
What are you willing to let go of, to release, so you can have what your heart and soul truly long for?
The path likely won’t be easy. Life will challenge you. “Do you really want this?” Spirit may ask.
That’s why deciding is so important. When it gets tough… and it will… are you going to stay the course or fall back a victim of the old ways, of the past?
When it comes to relationship, we DO have the power to set the course of the future. When it’s painful we can certainly blame our partner… or even the whole opposite sex… but I guarantee you it’s not them. It’s you. You — not your conscious mind — but you’re unconscious programming. It’s defining your life.
Witnessing your parent’s relationship or lack there of… their way of relating… programmed you. Are you willing to settle for what your parents taught you?
Your experiences with love “wired” your habits. Will you continue to buy into and honor the vow you made in the deepest moment of heartbreak,”I’ll never love that much again” or “I’ll never let someone hurt me again.” … and then continue to wonder why you can’t create a successful relationship?
Maybe you’ve got the relationship but not the sex… What’s your unconscious programming around sex and sexuality? Are you willing to… Is it time to change uncover the hidden beliefs, vows, and rules that have sabotaged your pleasure? It’s your choice to be hot or not.
And remember, your sexuality is not just your pleasure… it’s your vitality– It your life force. Dr. Oz says, “As a nation, we are in a sexual famine.” He reminds us,“We’re not having sex anymore, and we’re not doing things that bring us vitality and joy of life.”
You get to choose… Do you want to be hot? Do you want to be alive, attractive, passionate? No one can create those for you. You have to choose hot. Then, and only then, can you be fully alive, fully healthy, truly happy.
Only then can you attract and keep the one you want.
What you choose for 2015?
Part two of “Hot or Not in 2015” will be posted next week and we’ll talk about the chemistry, attraction and passion you can enjoy when you’re sexual expression is hot. In the meantime, You might watch this YouTube video of me speaking at Ignite Boulder 23 last spring called “Hot or Not.”
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.