Hot or Not? Part 2

Continuing from where we left off last week, this week let’s explore what it takes to be hot (or not) in romantic relationship. This is actually one of the topic of the BIG live special events I’m hosting later this month called Creating Chemistry.

That’s really what we’re talking about here when we ask, “Are you hot or not?”  If you’re hot, you’ll have chemistry.  And, I’m NOT talking about physical features here.  Let me say that again… it’s NOT your looks that make you hot.  I remember an event years back that I went to and one the hottest women at the event was anything but slender.


Being hot is not about your physique, it’s about your energy!


And, yes “hot” can be a judgement of the beholder and the beholder can’t see “hot” if you’re not being hot.

So yes…


it is your responsibility to show up hot.


I know that might seem unfair… it might piss you off… it might seem like too much work… or any other of a myriad of complaints you might have.  And, the truth is, this gives you your power back.  You get to control your hotness… not wait for someone else to find it.  You get to turn it up if you want to, or turn it down if you want to.


It puts you back in the driver’s seat when it comes to chemistry, attraction and passion.


What makes your energy hot? There are several factors that directly contribute to hotness and several that take away from it.  Let’s dive a little deeper.

First, authenticity is HOT!  Trying to be someone you’re not is actually energetically repelling … Your number one priority is to be you, through and through… to stop playing Mr or Mrs Nice.  Nice is not sexy… not hot.

Then you want to find out what your natural and authentic sexual essence is. For most men and women these days, this is the harder part.  Once you clearly know what it is, you want to start living and expressing it fully. Your natural sexual essence is your masculine or feminine energy.  As you’ve likely heard me say… it’s the simple formula, the Sexual Attraction Formula as I call it, that


masculine + feminine = chemistry = hot

masculine + masculine = feminine + feminine = friend, roommate and sibling energy


Unfortunately the vast majority of our society – both men and women in relationship – have lost connection with their natural sexual essence.  As a result, we have more sexless marriages, more friends and roommates rather than lovers, more breakups…

The number one thing I work with my clients on is uncovering their natural sexual essence (any many are shocked at what they find out)… Then we work diligently to close the gap between the energy they’ve been expressing in the past and the energy they want to express… the energy that is the opposite of the energy they’re attracted to… the one that’s guaranteed to make them hot!

So if you want to attract more love this year… even if you’re already married…


Start with being real.  


Then… find out what your authentic sexual essence is … and start living it.  Clear out any and every block to fully expressing your natural masculine and feminine energy.  Then express that energy as much as possible when your with (or wanting to attract) the one you love. Now that’s hot!

I spoke about this at Ignite Boulder 23 last spring in a talk I called “Hot or Not.”  You can watch the video on YouTube.

Here’s to hot chemistry and passion!

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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