How I do one thing is how I do everything…

How you do one thing is how you do everything.  I heard these words many years ago somewhere along the path of my personal growth journey.  My mind initially argued… “I’m unique and very particular about how I do things… that so doesn’t apply to me!”   Well, a little time and observation later, I started to see… darn… I am showing up, acting, and behaving similarly in everything I do.  I just couldn’t see it.

I found one of those patterns in myself this week and it inspired this article.  I’ll share my pattern in a moment, and first I’d like to highlight why this topic felt like such a good fit for right now and all that’s unfolding.   Most of my talks and much of my client work over the last year has focused… for sure on improving the love and intimacy in our lives, and it’s also looked at how a man who struggles with sexuality, has similar patterns and struggles professionally… even if by all outward appearances he looks highly successful in his career.

The same thing that holds most men back in business also hold them back in bed, or the man that has a less than fulfilling intimate life will likely find his professional life lacking as well.   The same shows up for a women… Whatever pattern creates exhaustion and overwhelm in business also creates it at home… and in bed too.  A women’s tendency to overdo… shows up everywhere, including in her lovemaking.


What holds a man back in business, holds him back in bed.  What challenges him in bed, challenges him in business.


So, with the upcoming events where I’m talking about Turn-on or about creating a Hot Life… they’re based on this whole idea “how you do one thing, is how you do everything.”  When you wake up one area and have it be more healthy, fulfilling and effective… every area of your life changes.   The learnings, practices, experiences in those events will ignite not just your love life, but your whole life… you’ll discover more of what turns you and your partner on in bed… AND that same energy will have your business success or your happiness exploding at the very same time!  It’s what I call Orgasmic Potential.


When you wake up one area and have it be more healthy, fulfilling and effective… every area of your life changes.


So back to what I saw in myself this week… you all likely know that I started bringing this work to the world because I saw the pain of living in my masculine energy and cutting off and almost killing my feminine.  Well, as feminine as I usually show up now… 12 years later I saw one of those insidious masculine patterns.  The masculine has a driving, assertive energy.  I still have some of that, but it doesn’t show up all the time… yet I noticed something similar this week…

“I push myself to do it better all the time… faster, better, bigger… I definitely knew I did that in my professional life or athletic endeavors, but I saw it so clearly in bed the other day it shocked me.  I was pushing myself to climax – not just faster but bigger… I stopped and thought… “Ugh! I doing it here too???!”   I relaxed, let the push go, and enjoyed myself a whole lot more.   Then I got on the freeway later the same day and noticed how I push, when I’m driving… maneuvering lanes, routes, lights… to get there the fastest, most efficient way.   “Ugh! There it was again.”  I realized that pattern is everywhere.

I saw a different pattern awhile back where again, it appeared in my intimate lovemaking and also appeared professionally… I have had a tendency to hold back my boldness, my big passionate energy… because I don’t want to overwhelm or scare someone.   Again, I was shocked at the broad sweeping truth of my pattern.

So, I’m a big believer that improving, changing, healing one area of your life, changes every area of your life.  When my confidence improved in one area, it improved in all areas and the results got better everywhere.


Improving, changing, healing one area of your life, changes every area of your life


Challenge:  Pick one pattern you know you have… it could be one you’re aware of in your intimate relationships or one you’re aware of in your professional life… or maybe it’s with your kids.  Pick one that you know creates less than optimal results or experiences for you.


“How do I do this in the rest of my life?”


Then ask yourself, “How do I do this in the rest of my life?”  Don’t try to answer it right away… just watch and observe.  If the answers come immediately, that’s great, and if they don’t, just watch.  Your body and being are brilliant.  They’ll show you… just as they showed me on the freeway that day or in bed that night.

Then, once you’ve seen a pattern that holds you back… Ask, “What else might be more effective… pleasurable…creative…relaxing…compassionate…loveing (you choose the best word for you) here?”  And, then try that new way of being.


“What else might be more effective… pleasurable…creative…relaxing…compassionate…loving (you choose the best word for you) here?”


And, if you want more support or practice, call me, email me, or join me for one of the upcoming events!

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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