How I Screwed Up Love (Raw & Vulnerable)
I’m being really raw, real and vulnerable here… I’m telling you the real truth of what my romantic world used to look like… sharing stuff I’ve never shared publically before.
And some of you may think “OMG, She did that…” And, that’s ok. For others, my story will change their life.
I’m sharing because I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one who was “that bad” at love. And, I wasn’t… there were tons of other men and women out there struggling like I was… hurting as much as I was… making the same “dumb” mistakes… settling and selling themselves out for pseudo-love…
And, when I found out “no matter how screwed up I thought I was”… that I wasn’t alone and that people could find love and passion from places worse than me…
I found the little bit of courage I needed to ignore the voices of self-doubt and judgment… the shame and regret… the stories and fears that “it will never work for me” and take a step toward love… take a step toward happiness… a step toward partnership.
So let me count the ways for you that I messed up love…
… I thought “No one will ever love me.”
… I was needy (because I was so insecure).
… I thought having needs was weak and pathetic (so no one ever helped me meet them.)
… I didn’t trust men… even though I wanted to marry one
… I fought for independence and equality when what I wanted was partnership
… I didn’t feel safe enough to relax, surrender and orgasm
… I blocked intimacy (and then blamed the lack of depth on the men)
… I repressed my true sexuality
… I tried to hide the ugly parts (and wanted men to love all of me)
… I said, “No thanks. I’ve got it.” Instead of “Thank you,” and received support
… I had no confidence and tried to pretend I had all the confidence in the world
… I sold myself out for attention
… I nagged
… I wasn’t “make-happy-able”
… I avoided conflict and swept it under the rug (and then exploded later)
… I made men feel like they couldn’t get it right and were never enough
… I asked men out because the ones I wanted wouldn’t ask me out
… I settled for the “BTN” (the better than nothing)
… I wasted time staying too long
… I ignored my gut that said, “This won’t work” and jumped in anyway
… I was controlling
… I said “Whatever you want, Honey,” while I got angrier and more resentful
… I definitely didn’t think I was worth loving and I never really believed his “I love You”’s
… I cheated because I was so lonely for love with a man who wasn’t very affectionate and put career first… and I realized years later how much he truly loved me
You see, I’ve messed up love big time in the past … and I’ve changed… massively. It’s hard to believe some of those descriptions were ever me. And, honestly, some I still have to work on… but I have the tools to do that even in the midst of hurt, upset and struggle…
What was the key for me? I had a really crappy Relationship Mindset… It was full of REALLY BAD “programming” about love… judgments, limiting beliefs, fears, habits, walls of protection… and real love and partnership simply wasn’t possible with that Relationship Blueprint.
Getting real, getting honest with myself, getting coached, and kicked-in-the-tush when I needed… I saw through my own internal lies… and the wounded little me who was so afraid to get hurt again… started feeling safe again… I saw the world through new eyes…
And the world changed… Or maybe it wasn’t the world… maybe it was me… either way…
Here’s what I discovered over the years that changed my life…
… Men care. Men feel. Men are scared too.
… Men will be there for me. They are trustworthy (amazingly so).
… I am worth loving.
… Being feminine is succcccccch a blessing
… Conflict brings deeper connection
… I actually do have needs and wants… and they matter.
… Rejection is a gift.
… No is a kind word.
… Accepting help and support is generous.
… Intimacy and vulnerability are where true love is born.
… Authenticity is the foundation of lasting love.
… I am beautiful, sexy and hot.
… My body doesn’t have to be perfect to be hot.
… It’s safe to trust.
… It’s safe to be loved.
… It’s safe to love.
I’m just just sad it took me so long to figure out and I missed my chance to have babies with a man I love.
But the journey was worth it… because chances are I have a sense of what you’re going through… My life’s work it to make sure you don’t make the mistakes I made more times then you have to.
If you want the benefit of my journey… my mistakes and subsequent learnings…
I’ve consolidated the best of my experience, wisdom, practices, and tools into the Soul Love Program Series…
Where you can completely reprogram your relationship mindset… rebuild your relationship blueprint, rewrite your soul love roadmap.
And, when you work with me, I’m not willing to let you sell yourself short again.
Some one stood for me and I’ll stand for you… if you want to change your relationship mindset… your soul love roadmap… I’m here for you.
If you’ve read this far, you have what is takes to be a passionate partner in a lasting happy relationship. I’m positive.
The next step? Register for an private 1-on-1 (2-on-1 for couples) Igniting Soul Love Session with me. Together we’ll identify the exact steps you can take to radically rewrite your soul love roadmap.
In love, light and ecstasy,
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.