how to approach women

How to Approach Women: She’ll Appreciate these 3 Conscious and Simple Skills

To effectively answer the question, “how to approach women,” we first have to admit that in today’s world, dating between the masculine and feminine has become complex and confusing. Yet, at the heart of the matter, the same things that worked decades ago still work today. They just look a bit different. 

If you find a woman across the room attractive, she could be the one you’ve been looking for. She could be a soulmate. The two of you might have a spark of connection together. Or you may not. But, if you lose the courage and confidence to walk up to her, you could both miss out. 

You can’t know what’s possible if fear and uncertainty get the best of you. Too many men today hold back, even become timid in their approach, because they don’t want to offend the woman or be that guy. Some men hold back because, if they’re very drawn to a particular woman, he may project she’s out of his league. He may not feel like it’s worth the risk of rejection.

But tomorrow, that same man might kick himself because he’s still thinking about her and the one that got away. 


For success, know your reason 

Before we get to the 3 simple and conscious skills in approaching a woman, your results will be better if you first get clear on why you’re approaching this woman, or maybe why you’re approaching women in general these days. 

Are you looking for a hookup, a friend with benefits, a female buddy, a soulmate, a wife? There’s no right or wrong in any of those reasons, but if you don’t know what you’re really looking for, you won’t have much success finding it. Without clarity, you’ll also go through unnecessary stress, frustration, and probably rejection too. And, by the way, feminine women appreciate a man who knows what he wants. Shared in the right way, it makes her feel safe. 

When we’re considering how to approach a woman, the reason you’re approaching (even if that reason remains unspoken) has a significant energetic impact on the experience and the result. If you don’t really know why you’re approaching her, your lack of clarity and uncertainty will surely create mixed messages in your communication. Her ability to respond openly will be impacted and you won’t likely get the result you were hoping for, if even unconsciously. 

Approaching a woman for a hookup will be different than approaching a woman for a friendship or business relationship, and certainly different than approaching a woman who has made your heart flutter before you even meet. 

If you’re seeking a beloved, a soul connection, or at least a potentially long term relationship, these suggestions will support you well. 


How to approach women consciously

When it comes to how to approach women consciously, you’ll quickly realize, as we go through the following ways of being, that it’s all about the energy. Two men can say the exact same thing to the same woman and get very different responses from her. It’s in the invisible, yet palpable, energy you bring with you to her that has the biggest impact on your connection. While each of these can certainly have an impact, it’s not about the words you say, it’s not about what you do, it’s not about impressing her with your style or charisma. 

She wants to feel you. She wants to feel your energy so she can see if there’s a resonance (and a safety) in her body. She wants to ensure there’s no creepy vibe. And, if you’re clear about what you’re up to as you approach her, it will make it easier for her to find her authentic response. Truly, you can say all the wrong things and do all the wrong things, but if your energy is clear and there’s a connection, she’ll almost definitely say yes to your invitation. 

Here are 3 skills that will prove invaluable in knowing how to approach women with consciousness, respect, and a good dose of sexiness.  

1. Get Present. Stay Present. 

Your presence starts before you ever begin to move towards a woman. It means being in your body, not in your mind. It means you are present with her and not over there in her space – even as you stand next to her. If you’re in her space she’ll begin to feel uncomfortable and less receptive and she won’t necessarily know why. 

Presence also means being in the now. You don’t want to be in the what-could-happen space or the what’s-happened-in-the-past space. Being in the past or future can move you from confidence and certainty into fear and self-doubt. Whether she’s interested or not, she’ll want to experience your self-assuredness. 

Remember why you are approaching this woman. Then as you approach her, and as you’re speaking to her, continue to stay present to you first – and then present with her. The #1 thing a feminine woman desires from a man – whether dating, relating, or making love is his presence. 

If you can stay present, if you see her and respond to her, she’ll feel safe to engage. Then the two of you can see what wants to happen between you. When you’re present you’ll all more easily pick up the signs of interest or uninterest, even the subtle ones.

Finally, as you rest in presence, allow yourself to approach her authentically, with an open heart. Slow down. Be you. Let go of any goal.

If you’re authentic and it works, fabulous. If you’re authentic and it doesn’t great. You were you and that’s what matters. You simply can’t be anyone but you and have a sustainable relationship.

2. Hold the Masculine “Pole”

Attraction and chemistry for the vast majority of couples depends on a polarity between masculine and feminine energy. The two energies are attracted to each other like the opposite poles of two magnets. If you bring the opposite ends of the magnets together, they attract each other. If you bring the same ends of the magnets together they will repel. You cannot, even with effort, make those two “poles” stick together. 

The same holds true for masculine and feminine energy in romantic connections. Masculine and feminine energy will create a magnetic and attractive pull between two people of opposite polarity. It can feel like sparks. It can feel like an inexplicable draw. You might know it as sexual chemistry. 

So, if you are attracted to feminine women – women who are radiant, flowing, expressive, receptive, vulnerable – who have the capacity to surrender – then she will be attracted to masculine energy – the centered, present, active, decisive, rooted, solid, leading energy – that, if she feels safe she can surrender into. If you take a softer, more feminine approach, with a feminine woman, she won’t likely find you overly attractive. 

That means that if you want to really know how to approach a woman with deep consciousness, then you’ll want to understand the meaning of the divine masculine and learn to embody it from the moment you begin to approach her. Then continue to hold that polarity through any romantic connection or relationship the two of you might share. 

Read on to find below for some more specific and simple tips on how to approach a woman from the masculine. 

3. Make her feel comfortable (aka safe)

But first, we have to talk about safety. When it comes to how to approach a woman consciously, using the first two skills – being present and holding the masculine pole – won’t matter if she doesn’t feel safe. 

And, if you’re reading about consciously approaching women, you’re likely a total stand up guy. Yet, at the same time, you’d likely be shocked at how often and how easily a feminine being, in a female body, feels unsafe. While you probably rarely, if ever, consider your own physical safety, she typically considers hers multiple times a day, every day.

So, if you’d like her to remain open to your approach, you will be well served by understanding how to make her comfortable.

First and foremost, pay attention to her whole being. You may find her body attractive, even hot, and if you’re romantically interested, for more than just a hookup, she wants you to acknowledge all of her. The feminine wants to be known – seen, heard, felt – for all of who she is, not just her body, even if that’s what first caught your attention. Simply by using your eyes and your smile, you can let her know you definitely find her attractive.  

Another part of expressing your interest in who she is, over how she looks, is to ask a meaningful question, possibly coupled with a compliment that doesn’t focus on any particular body part. Don’t use a line. She’ll feel it. “Lines” aren’t personal and she’ll more likely feel like an object of attraction rather than a whole human being you’d like to get to know.  

You could say, “Your smile is beautiful. How are you today?” or, even better, “I couldn’t help but notice you across the room. I’m Mike. Are you open to chatting?”  Then listen to her. 

When it comes to how to approach a woman so she feels safe on the physical front, you’ll want to walk up from her side. Don’t make a direct straight line to her. This can make her feel like prey at the center of a target. As you chat, stand in a way that makes her feel comfortable by leaving her space to walk away. Give her an obvious escape route.

When you combine these skills of presence, active masculine energy, and creating safety for her, a feminine being can slow down and have a chance to feel you, to meet you, without a demand for her to respond in a certain way. This will allow her to decide if she’s compelled to take a step into your space and continue a conversation or even have a date. Show up in a way that optimizes the chances of her meeting you in the attraction you already feel. 

As a past client said, she doesn’t want to be a target you’re going to capture. She wants to be something you respect and honor, from the first moment. And, be careful not to let your honor drive you to surrender your masculinity and take the feminine pole. 


How to approach women from the masculine

Here are a few more hints that will help you in knowing how to approach women and create a first date specifically from the masculine.

  • Walk up to her. Don’t make her approach you.
  • Say hello first. 
  • Take the initiative to ask for her number. It might seem more respectful to give her your number, but if you do that, then you have put her in the masculine position of having to initiate connection. You can ask respectfully by saying something like, “If you’re comfortable with it, I’d like to ask for your number so that I can call you.”
  • Be straightforward and direct. It can be super sexy to a feminine woman. You could say, “I’d like to take you to dinner Saturday. Would you feel comfortable giving me your number so I can call to make plans?” or even more direct, “I’d like to take you on a date. Would you join me for dinner Saturday night at _______?”
  • Plan the date after checking in on her preferences. 
  • If you want to hold the strongest polarity, provide the date for her. Buy her dinner or her coffee or her movie ticket. 
  • Walk her to her car afterwards to make sure she gets there safely. 
  • And check out the definitive guide to conscious dating for even more insights. 

Soul connections often start with a glance, a spark, a pause at the sound of a voice. While those connections happen more than once in a lifetime, they don’t happen everyday, so make sure you’re prepared in your own being to take action when you’re inspired in the presence of a woman. Find your confidence, drop your roots into the earth, and walk up to her. 

See her. Meet her. Offer her your true self.  

The magic of love happens in mysterious ways. 


Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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