how to be more feminine

How to Be More Feminine in Dating and Relationships: 19 Qualities to Embody

When we discover how to be more feminine, we open up a deep capacity for love and connection, an ability to feel, receive, soften, and be. No matter gender or orientation, no matter the form of body a particular person inhabits, no matter our desires or attractions, we all have and need both masculine and feminine energy.

Nearly every one of us has been conditioned to judge, resist, deny, and hide our feminine expressions. Yet, this resistance to, and judgment of, “her” is the very reason we struggle with depression and broken relationships.

Whether predominantly masculine, feminine, or neutral in our own natural and authentic sexual essence, we will find huge benefits and rewards for our efforts to learn how to be more feminine. With that being said, the journey into the embodiment of genuine feminine energy will arise and look differently for a person who holds predominantly feminine energy supported secondarily by masculine energy, when compared to someone who has naturally predominant masculine energy supported by feminine energy.

In the case of a person whose constitution is more feminine, the qualities and expressions described here will appear much more pronounced and consistent. They will be more subtle and less directly expressed in someone whose constitution is more masculine.

As you explore these 19 ways to be more feminine, truly feel and consider, and then embrace what you experience as authentic and true for you.

How to be more feminine in love

One of the most important reasons we will all want to learn how to be more feminine is because our feminine energy directly impacts our capacity to connect, unite, and love. This energy is the unifying energy in the world while masculine energy represents the sovereign independent experience and expression of life. Both are needed and too often it is the feminine side of this life and love affirming equation that we ignore.

If you want to know how to be more feminine in relationships and dating, you’ll want to begin first to explore your relationship with your own heart. You’ll want to consider your relationship to true intimacy and the vulnerability it requires. You’ll want to recognize your current capacity to receive, which is an essential feminine quality and a necessary part of loving soul-to-soul.

Many find ourselves conditioned to give – a direct expression of the masculine – yet whether male or female, predominantly masculine or feminine, we all must embody the ability to receive if we want to sustain a connection or relationship.

Then most importantly, in this process of becoming more feminine, no matter who we are or what kind of body we have, we must recognize our resistances and judgments of this energy. We must face our fears of it. You’ll come to discover that our fears of intimacy, fears of closeness, fears of losing ourselves in a relationship, and our fears of vulnerability are all fears of our feminine expression and embodiment. These in turn keep us from being fully available for and capable of maintaining a lasting romantic relationship.

For those blessed into bodies with a more feminine constitution – the call deep. Those more feminine beings, who often, but certainly not always, identify as women, are invited to more consistently, more fully embody and emanate the radiance of life, the radiance of love. This radiance shines as a light in the world and the masculine within all of us is fed by this light. This is just one of the many ways the masculine and feminine need, nourish, and care for each other within ourselves and between each other.

An important consideration… safety

While we answer this question of how to be more feminine, we must also consider the question how to make it safe to be more of this precious energy. We must consider within ourselves whether we are truly a safe space for “her” to shine. We must consider whether when feminine radiance and expression arises in another, if we have honored and respected that expression. Let’s be honest that male or female, more masculine or more feminine, most of us have judged feminine emotionality, impulsiveness, and sensitivity.

We also want to be honest that while we may have judged and resisted these expression in others, we too have likely extended the same judgment to ourselves. For some, this flowing, creative, expressive, and sometimes wild energy has actually not been safe with ourselves – even those of us more genuinely feminine by nature. Our internal masculine has too often bullied our internal feminine into submission. This is not an expression of divine feminine nor divine masculine.

While the universal safety of the feminine is a subject for another conversation, it’s important to recognize here that we must create a safe space within ourselves, our relationships, our communities, and our world if we want this energy to shine in her fullest expression. This is a call to action for all of us. We need to make it safe for the feminine to reveal herself in each of us – for our light to shine no matter what kind of body we live in. With that, let’s not forget the truth of this for more masculine beings who have found themselves judged for their sensitivity and other expressions of the feminine.

For now, for your purposes of learning how to be more feminine in your love life, know that “she” needs safety to come out and fully be herself. You’ll want to look for the times and places that feel safe to express and cultivate these aspects of yourself. Most importantly, make sure these qualities are safe with you. The feminine won’t come out when she doesn’t feel safe, and that starts with you more than anyone else.

Then, depending on your constitution, your authentic nature, begin to explore the following expressions and qualities…

The feminine qualities you want to discover and embody within yourself 

If we want to know how to be more feminine we have to understand and recognize what feminine energy looks and feels like in our bodies. With that being said, because we are not necessarily familiar with these feminine qualities in our own experience, sometimes we may find it easier to look for these qualities in others around us. Then when we see them in another we can pay attention to the quality of the expression, as well as the response it receives. As we witness the other’s expression of feminine energy we can look for the resonant frequency within ourselves. It’s a bit like having a role model, but in this case you may have many different “role models” for the many different expressions and dimensions of the feminine. They help you find these qualities within yourself.

We’ll say more about this again later and it is advised that you don’t try to “do” these qualities. Look for their expression within you and then allow it to come “out to play”. Pay particular attention to any resistances that arise, any thoughts of “Yeah, but…” because you’ll want to find a way to clear that unproductive consciousness. Unaddressed, our unconscious unsupportive beliefs about the feminine will stand in the way of your desired embodiment.

  1. Slow – The feminine moves slower than the masculine. She must go slow in order to feel… especially pleasure. 
  2. Soft – There is a softness about her in contrast to a more rigid or “hard” expression of the masculine. When embodied “she” feels good. 
  3. Sensing – “She” relies deeply on her senses. She uses her 6 senses to feel into the room, into an experience. With this she knows much not obvious to the eye. 
  4. Sensual – Building on her sensing abilities, the sensuality of the feminine opens us to our deepest capacities for pleasure, pleasures including but well beyond the pleasures of sexuality. 
  5. Serene – The feminine, when fully embodied, has a deep capacity to trust, to relax, to be. This makes her presence calming and compelling to many.
  6. Seductive – From the conscious feminine, where intentions are for the highest good, pure feminine energy has a massively attractive force to it. 
  7. Sassy – In her playfulness, in her ability to let go into the moment while also calling it like it is in her own way, there’s a bit of sass to her. 
  8. Sweet – From her deepest heart, a kindness and thoughtfulness arises. 
  9. Surrendered – Building on her capacity to trust, to know she is held and taken care of, the feminine enjoys letting go of control, letting go of making things happen. In this she finds great peace and pleasure. 
  10. Succulent – When the feminine is full, when she allows herself to receive deeply, when she takes in a deep nourishment, she becomes incredibly “juicy” and feels a deliciousness within herself.
  11. Spacious – Because the feminine doesn’t hold on tight, because she relaxes tension, a spaciousness is felt with her, within her, and beyond her.
  12. Soothing – Similarly, her connection to the heart, her capacity to relax and open has a soothing quality. Her capacity to embrace all that is, to embrace another unconditionally soothes so much pain.
  13. Sensitive – The energy is without a doubt highly attuned to what is happening around her. She feels the emotions and experience of others. This can be overdeveloped or underdeveloped in some, but most definitely a critical aspect of her embodiment. 
  14. Expressive – The feminine brings out the expressive nature of our human nature in contrast to a more stoic experience of the masculine. The expressive aspect of the feminine creates an embodied freedom in all. 
  15. Emotional – Yes, this aspect of ourselves includes our emotional dimension. Whether we like it or admit it or not, our emotions lead the way in life and love. And, you will be well served to embrace emotionality in all. 
  16. Flowing – We can simply describe it as “going with the flow.” She does not fight against what is but welcomes it. She allows herself to be guided and moved by life in ways that can create miracles. 
  17. Receptive – This aspect of ourselves allows each one of us to be cared for, to be given to. The masculine aspect gives, but if there is no one to receive, how much fun is giving?
  18. Vulnerable – The feminine quality of vulnerability makes love and intimacy possible. Period. End of story. Without vulnerability we can not have sustained love. 
  19. Wild – One of the loved and sometimes hated parts of the feminine, she can let go of control and create extraordinary experiences from sexual pleasures to art to sensual feasts and everything in between. 

As you explore these qualities in yourself a part of you may react and resist. If that happens, it’s ok. It’s a natural part of the process of learning how to be more feminine for many people. It is for this reason that many look for communities like our Soul Love practice community where men and women, masculine and feminine beings, come together to support each other in developing an authentic embodiment of the divine masculine and the divine feminine. Change is, without a doubt, easier together, especially when it comes to masculine and feminine dynamics.  

How to be more feminine sexually

If you desire to be more feminine sexually, you will want to explore and cultivate these same qualities that we’ve been discussing throughout your relationship, not just in bed. You cannot hope to be feminine sexually without being this way relationally. Anytime you desire a spark of attraction whether from conversations, to kissing, to cooking, to foreplay or love making, you will be served by these same qualities.

Said again, in a masculine feminine polarity relationship, in order to be more feminine sexually you have to be more feminine in the whole of your relationship. Yes, it matters how you give feedback and how you express your hurts. It matters how needs of both the masculine and feminine are expressed and met. How you handle upsets matters because men and women argue differently. How you “do” your relationship has everything to do with the quality of your sex life. Most couples, or want-to-be couples, don’t realize that what happens outside the bedroom has everything to do with what happens in the bedroom.

In closing, we must mention, re-mention, that the most essential, most critical, most important thing you need to know when it comes to discovering how to be more feminine is that this journey is a “game” of subtraction not addition. Don’t make these qualities something you do. Don’t make them a performance. The biggest tragedy for so many authentically feminine beings is the conditioning they’ve received to show up more masculine, the demand felt to hold a false bravado, or the experience of life circumstances that seemed to force a more masculine expression. We’ll call that a masculine mask or façade. We don’t want to cover up that existing mask with a new feminine mask.

What happens all too often when someone wants to know how to be more feminine is that the person starts to “do” feminine. Doing is a masculine expression while being is feminine. If you try to “do” these qualities, you find yourself more likely to lose yourself in a relationship. You will become more disconnected from yourself and less authentic – and less available for loving and being loved.

Your femininity is already within you and always has been. Even if you’re a predominantly masculine man, your natural authentic feminine expressions live within you. They have simply been covered up and hidden by the judgments and fears we talked about at the beginning.

Your job now is to remove all the barriers you’ve built against your natural feminine expression. Then being this or allowing your this energy will feel effortless. Your innate authentic feminine will reveal itself and express itself in your life and in your relationships in a way that feels natural, in a way that creates the greatest experiences of love.

You’re invited to drop all the reasons you’ve thought you had to hide your feminine. There is a call to every one of us to realize that the feminine is the gateway to love. She is the gateway to healing humanity.

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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