How to Be More Masculine: 12 Respectful and Sexy Ways

Learning how to be more masculine can impact your entire life, often in ways that genuinely surprise you. Some men, for example, have wanted to learn how to be more masculine around women and discovered that as their masculinity in romance increased, unexpectedly their professional performance and success also increased. 

When someone learns how to be more masculine those new ways of being will impact romance, confidence, life satisfaction, sexuality, achieving goals, and everything in between. Having more masculine energy, as you will see, will improve decision making, determination, achievement, attractiveness, and much more. 

While you will surely benefit from these kinds of changes, we must make an important note. If we learn to become more masculine for the wrong reasons we can end up doing more harm than good. Similarly, how one approaches the goal of becoming more masculine also matters. Approached consciously and authentically, your pursuit of masculine energy will serve you. Yet, too many people attempt to be more masculine in ways they can’t sustain and this only leads to further setbacks and frustration. 

We’ll begin our exploration by considering six specific ways to be more masculine in relationship, followed by six ways to be more masculine in bed. We follow that with insights into how to be a more masculine man in general. Finally we’ll conclude by looking at the two most common mistakes you can make that may have the opposite impact from the one you desire. 

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How to be more masculine in a relationship

As you learn how to be more masculine in your romantic relationships you’ll want to start by reflecting on the fact that masculine energy complements feminine energy, just as feminine energy complements masculine energy. Remember that the two energies naturally express in opposition to one another, and this makes them great partners in creating both harmony and potential power in life and love. 

Contrasting the two energies, the feminine has an inward nature while the masculine has an outward expression. Femininity is receptive while masculinity is generative. Feminine energy is limitless, wild, and emotional. Masculine energy is focused, contained, and rational in comparison. Using these glimpses into the complementary expressions of these two essential energies, let’s consider some of the most impactful ways to be masculine in a relationship. 

1. Know who you are. Masculine energy brings a clarity or definition to something. The masculine has an individuated expression, in contrast to the feminine’s unified expression. Therefore when a feminine partner wants to choose someone to unite with, she seeks a “clarity of self” in her potential masculine partner. The feminine finds herself respecting, admiring, and even sexually drawn to a man who knows who he is and what he’s up to in the world. 
2. Make plans. The feminine has the desire and urge to surrender, to let go, and receive. This means that to be more masculine in a relationship, you’ll want to regularly take the lead and make plans for the two of you. In return for plans well made (plans that are conscious and considerate of both his own desires and those of his partner) the awakened feminine will reveal the joys and pleasures that those plans and experiences bring her. Most masculine beings find themselves attracted to and even aroused by the feminine’s joy. 
3. Be decisive. Similarly, and in support of the willingness to make plans, when the masculine is decisive in a relationship, the feminine finds herself better able to relax. When she knows she can trust her masculine partner to make choices that are congruent for him, and considerate of her, she can feel safer to open and allow him in – heart, mind, and body. Even if a feminine partner doesn’t agree with a decision, if she’s able to trust his decisiveness, she can still very much respect that choice. 
4. Be solid. The masculine partner in a relationship holds the space or container for himself, her, and the relationship. The fluid nature of the feminine seeks masculine energy that holds her. In other words she seeks a masculine presence with which she can let her whole unrestrained self relax into. We often refer to this as bringing the pillar or rock energy to a partnership. Be one that she can lean into and trust that you’ve got her. 
5. Pay attention to her wellbeing. In more traditional terms this could be considered provider energy. Yet it doesn’t mean you have to pay for everything. The feminine wants to know that her wellbeing as a human, and more particularly as a woman, matters to you. If you want to know how to be more masculine in partnership, then pay attention to her needs. If she’s cold, offer your jacket. If you’re getting yourself a coffee, bring her one too. If your home needs new carpet or a new roof, let her know you realize it and that you’re working on a plan for it. Yes, this can truly impact her attraction to you. 
6. Contribute to her safety. Remember that for the feminine to fully express, she needs to feel safe – physically and emotionally. The feminine helps cultivate relational intimacy through her vulnerability and in order to be vulnerable she needs to feel safe. Most masculine men rarely consider their physical safety, yet feminine women pay attention to it for themselves almost all the time. So while it may not matter to you, you could be much more masculine in a relationship by taking responsibility for her physical safety. Lock the doors. Have her text you when she gets home. Walk on the outside of the street. 

Some of these ways to be more masculine in a relationship or in dating may seem cliche but they truly matter to most feminine women. The more you find your confidence as a masculine partner the more attractive you become. Yet don’t confuse arrogance with confidence. True masculine confidence is very sexy to the feminine and it comes from knowing who you are and trusting your own instincts and inner knowing. Yes, trusting yourself makes you more masculine.  

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How to be more masculine in bed

Taking our exploration of the masculine feminine dynamic in relationships even deeper, let’s look at the key ways to be more masculine in bed with a feminine woman. We must note that if you skip over the above suggestions for how to be more masculine in a relationship, these ways to be more masculine in bed will fall short or even backfire. What’s happening in your relationship determines what happens in bed together.  

1. Initiate. First and foremost, masculine energy pursues. It initiates while the feminine responds to that pursuit. Whoever is initiating in a partnership holds the masculine energy. Some men who have become more of what we call the ‘nice guy’ or men who fear rejection may wait to be pursued. Yet this will dampen sexual chemistry by requiring her to ‘go masculine’. If however, you have pursued, and regularly get turned down by your feminine partner, review the other considerations for how to be more masculine, the absence of which will likely diminish her desire and trust. 
2. Ravish. The feminine in her sexuality commonly desires to be ravished. Once she feels safe with a partner she may long to be deeply penetrated, as much energetically as physically. When you practice the ways to make her feel safer in bed, she can allow her hunger for your assertive energy to rise, igniting her desire. When it comes to passionate kissing, most of the time the feminine will want to be against the wall being kissed. This is a form of ravishment and can be taken from the vertical to the horizontal in your passionate lovemaking. 
3. Be present. A necessary ingredient in making her feel safe is your presence. Just as we spoke of tending to her wellbeing in the previous section, she needs to know that you see her. She wants you to see her as a being, not just a body. She wants your depth of presence such that you feel and respond to her slightest retreat. She wants your presence to sense when she needs you to go slow and when she hungers for you to speed up. She wants to know that what you do in bed is attuned to her as much as you are attuned to you. When she has this presence, she can surrender into and offer to you her utmost ecstasy. 
4. Set the container. The masculine energy in a partnership, in a sexual connection, not only initiates, it also creates and contains the safe space in which the feminine can surrender and let go of control into her pleasure. Therefore, if you want to know how to be more masculine, be the one to start the important safe sex conversations, be the one to ask what her boundaries are and then honor them. In a very practical way, the masculine partner would make sure the actual physical space is safe for her. Did you lock the bedroom door if there are kids in the house? Have you considered what birth control you might need?
5. Penetrate. The feminine being, as long as she feels safe, longs to be filled. She wants to feel her partner’s body and being not just filling her but stopping her in her tracks, almost “demanding” her surrender. When you realize your energy reaches into her well beyond the surface of your hand, you can penetrate her body with a touch. Let your eyes “pin” her with your reverent gaze. Let the love of your heart and the passion of your soul penetrate her heart, her soul. 
6. Self control. You’ve probably noticed by now that the feminine needs safety on all levels in order to allow herself to receive the pleasurable gifts you might offer her. Part of that safety stems from her sense, her trust that you can maintain control of yourself sexually. That means you need the masculine qualities of presence and self-discipline that allow you to have self control in your sexual loving. If she doesn’t sense your capacity for self control, that means that you could “take her”, so to speak, in ways she isn’t ready for or doesn’t want. Your attentiveness serves you both. 

When it comes to how to be more masculine in relationship or in bed, as we said in our final point here, your ability to be in conscious relationship to yourself absolutely matters. When you can cultivate the presence to stay connected to yourself, to stay attuned to her experience, and stay aware of your environment, you will have stepped into master lover realms. If you choose to include a spiritual connection in your masculinity, if you consider practicing the 12 ancient ancient secrets of tantric energy exchange, you might even become an other-worldly beloved. 

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How to be a more masculine man 

Let’s now turn our attention to the specific qualities and ways of being that set the foundation for all other masculine expressions. As we focus on these basics, we’ll also consider how to train your voice to be more masculine. By choosing to refine these core masculine qualities and integrate them into your natural presence, you will see that not only women but almost everyone will tend to respect you and trust you at much deeper levels. 

The first masculine quality that supports all others is sovereignty. The masculine pole in the masculine-feminine dynamic stands for independence or sovereignty while the feminine stands for connection and unity. If a man can’t stand sovereign, if he loses himself in his relationships or in the demands of his life, he will tend to move into more codependent dynamics, and hence become less attractive. Similarly when it comes to garnering respect in the world, a man who knows his true purpose and lives that purpose congruently will, without even trying, garner more respect and admiration from his peers and women alike.

Building on his sovereignty and conviction of purpose, a man can learn how to be more masculine through intention and practice. Some of the additional masculine qualities he’ll want to practice and elevate within himself include focus, discipline, integrity, loyalty, and assertiveness.

Next, if a man wants to train his voice to be more masculine, he’ll first be served by truly understanding the various qualities presented here. When a man holds a grounded, rooted presence and combines that with a deep sense of self, he can then speak from his most centered place. The quality of his voice will then change. Learning to speak from the masculine, as those in our Divine Masculine and Feminine Retreat directly practice, adds solid, direct, and clear energy to the words he speaks as well as how he speaks them. 

While these lists of qualities may feel foreign and out of reach, thousands of men have found that committing to recovering their conscious masculinity and living as divine masculine embodiment has changed their lives in immeasurable ways. They are, without a doubt, more themselves, more loving, and more powerful. They make immense contributions to their families, their communities, and the world. 

We also must admit that for some reading about how to be more masculine, may actually annoy you or even piss you off. That’s not a bad thing. It indicates the importance of understanding your own authentic uncontrived relationship to the masculine and feminine energies within you. This in turn leads us to the mistakes you want to avoid. 

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The mistakes you want to avoid making (and how to be successful)

As you contemplate learning how to be more masculine you may want to take a moment to consider why you want to be more masculine. Understanding your true motivation will directly impact your results. Depending on your true nature, or sexual essence as we call it, your reasons can also reveal the mental and emotional barriers that could impede your success. 

As a matter of fact, a big part of learning how to be more masculine includes clearing out the unconscious reasons you might have pain, judgment, and even resistance to being masculine. if you don’t address these inherent inner saboteurs your efforts may be fruitless. 

Acknowledging all of that, the two mistakes you could make when you want to be more masculine are:

1. Trying to be more masculine because you should or because you think it will get you something or someone. 
2. Putting a masculine facade over a ‘nice guy’ persona.

Let’s explore these two mistakes in more detail. First, while most men hold predominant masculine energy, some do not. Some men hold more balanced energy and some actually hold predominant feminine energy. That’s why knowing the truth of yourself genuinely matters.

You want to learn how to cultivate masculine energy because either first, it’s your authentic energy and you’ve been out of touch with it or, second, because it’s your secondary energy and you simply want to develop more access to it and mastery of it. Both offer valid reasons for learning and knowing your true reason will certainly make the learning process easier.

Then, and this is the biggest mistake more people make when they embark on this expanded relationship to masculinity, they try to learn how to present more masculine, yet presenting more masculine is simply a facade, a performance, a mask. The best path to being more masculine is to find it within yourself. It’s already there. Yes, regardless of whether you’re more predominantly masculine or feminine by nature, your authentic masculinity lives within you. 

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The most effective and fastest approach to being more masculine is to simply find all the barriers you’ve built around and against your masculine expression. Then, as you identify these barriers you can make a conscious choice about what you want to do with them. As you see why it might have felt easier and more comfortable to allow a woman to initiate, as you see why it might have felt more conscious to not be masculine, as you see that you’re sometimes rewarded for being the sensitive nice guy, you can then personally decide what’s best for you.

Addressing the reasons that some part of you decided to abandon or ignore your masculine energy, may take a little more time at the beginning than just force fitting masculine presence “strategies”. You may find it more uncomfortable to look at the consciousness and beliefs you’ve adopted about masculinity and its companion femininity. Yet a conscious intentional approach will allow you to realize how to be more masculine without willpower, without ongoing effort. You will likely pleasantly discover that your masculine presence is actually one of the most comfortable and effortless things you could ever be. 

May you find your authentic masculinity beyond the masks and facades. May you know that your true masculine energy is a great gift in the world. 

May you have the courage to genuinely cultivate it for your benefit, for the benefit of the feminine, and the benefit of the world.  

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…