how to be vulnerable with a man

How to Be Vulnerable with a Man: 3 Authentically Attractive Ways + 4 Mistakes

Understanding how to be vulnerable with a man, particularly a masculine man, can strengthen the bond of love and also deepen the passion between a masculine being and a feminine being. Yes, vulnerability can increase passion in a romantic relationship. At the same time, pseudo vulnerability or intellectual vulnerability can actually be a turn off that moves two would-be lovers away from each other. 

Before we dive in, it’s important to say that most often someone who wants to know how to be more vulnerable with a man, will be someone with a more predominant feminine energy, often a woman, but certainly not always. This article will support anyone who desires to be more vulnerable with any predominantly masculine being. 

Many women or feminine beings who want to know how to be vulnerable in a relationship may have heard that vulnerability leads to intimacy. It does. The feminine deeply craves that intimacy, in all its forms, in her romantic relationships. Yet, while the feminine may desire vulnerability she may also resist it. 

Resistance to, or even fear of, vulnerability, can create a push-pull dynamic of “I want to… I don’t want to…” That natural tendency means that as you yourself learn how to be vulnerable with a man, you want to pay attention to what we can call “Yeah, buts…” These will be all the reasons your inner being or mind may not want to be vulnerable. Resistance is ok, normal. We’ll talk about it more in a bit, but let’s start with 3 deeply authentic and very attractive ways to be vulnerable. 

How to be emotionally vulnerable with a man

As much as vulnerability with a man, or masculine being, can feel risky, it truly offers great rewards to those women, or feminine beings, who take a chance on being seen, known, and loved. It becomes a blessing and a truly attractive quality to the men they love, or want to love. Conscious genuine vulnerability creates a profoundly magnetic, and heart opening, force on a conscious masculine being. So, how can a woman be vulnerable? 

Here are three authentic and attractive ways… 

1) Be in your feeling body

Talking about something vulnerable is actually quite different than actually being vulnerable. Being vulnerable with a man happens when you genuinely allow the sense of vulnerability to be in your body. You speak from the feeling, from the experience within you. If you speak about something vulnerable without actually feeling it, then you’re creating an “intellectual” vulnerability that might be interesting, but is not compelling. This attempt at vulnerability doesn’t draw out the deeper part of a man or masculine being. 

If, on the other hand, you speak from that feeling space within you and allow your words to reveal parts of yourself or your experiences that you might not otherwise share, you let him see into you… in-2-me-u-c. This privilege of seeing your innermost unprotected tenderness can deeply touch a man’s heart and open his space of love for you even more vastly. 

2) Keep your emotions in your space and don’t expect him to rescue you 

The next thing we want to consider when it comes to how to be vulnerable with a man is the energetic flow, direction, and container for our emotions. Quite often when feminine beings want to  express their vulnerability, their emotional state can be heightened. 

Vulnerability can actually express through the entire range of emotions from sadness, to anger, to jealousy, to grief, to joy and gratitude, and everything in between. If the man, or masculine being, she is being vulnerable with happened to trigger some of those emotions, she can sometimes unconsciously “send” or “put” her emotions over there on him. If her emotions get directed at him instead of being revealed to him as she holds them in her own energetic space, he will tend to recoil and pull away in the best case. He can armor himself and defend in the worst. 

Even if he contributed to the feeling sense in your body, he will serve you and your heart best if you don’t make him responsible for anything you are sharing and feeling. That can feel challenging and while you may clearly know that he contributed to what you’re feeling, if you let him realize that on his own, without telling him or blaming him, your reconnection and intimacy will happen, and deepen, much more quickly. 

Related to this, when a woman, or feminine being, feels especially vulnerable or emotional, she may also unconsciously, want him to fix what hurts within her. He can’t actually do that, but he can hold a beautiful safe space and offer immense love as you find your peace within yourself. 

3) Soften into your realness 

In order to be vulnerable with a man, we must soften the energetic barriers we may have built around our bodies, our hearts, or both. If we have felt hurt in the past, we quite likely unknowingly have energetic armoring, if you will. Yet, if we have armored ourselves, if we want to protect ourselves from the tender underbelly of love and intimacy, then we will struggle to be vulnerable. 

What matters most here is first a gentleness with self. Do not push yourself to be vulnerable if you’re not ready. Let vulnerability with a man come to you, let it arise within you. Ask yourself, if you trust yourself to be vulnerable. Do you believe in your own ability to be with your emotions and feelings? If you don’t trust you with you, it will be extremely difficult for you to trust him with you. So, first, as those who have vulnerably walked the path of soul love and ecstatic intimacy before you know, it starts with discovering what self love really is. 

When you have self love, when you trust yourself, and honor yourself, then you won’t feel the need to armor, hide, or pretend. You won’t feel a need to downplay what you feel nor appear stronger than you truly feel. A natural softening will happen in your body and being. From there, genuine vulnerability can arise with the man you are with. 

The turn-offs: What not to do

As women discover how to be vulnerable with a man, they can often make a few of these common mistakes. Let’s name them here so you can watch out for them, and take care of yourself when they arise. 

  1. Believing vulnerability is weakness. Too often, as feminine beings start to open up their vulnerability, the belief that vulnerability is weak attempts to take over and stop the opening. If this happens, simply remember that vulnerability has the power to bond hearts and relationships deeply. 
  2. Thinking that vulnerability is needy. Again, feminine beings can mistakenly believe that if they express vulnerability they also express neediness. Neediness only happens when someone makes their needs the responsibility of another. Sharing vulnerably creates connection, not demand.
  3. Looking for him to rescue you. This is where neediness can arise. As we mentioned above, if you unconsciously want him to fix or “rescue” you from your emotions and experiences, he may actually move away rather than towards you. While masculine beings love to be heroes, if we call on them to rescue, then the vulnerability can turn sour. 
  4. Worrying “it’s too much”. For a conscious openhearted man, your genuine vulnerability can’t be too much. The key here is genuine. If you try to be vulnerable… if you talk about something vulnerable rather than experiencing vulnerability… if you try not to be too much… or if you stuff your vulnerability and it all comes flooding out at once… that can be too much for a masculine being. However, remember, the masculine is moved by and deeply attracted to the aliveness and full unrestrained authentic expression of the feminine.  

Some men don’t have the capacity to receive your vulnerability

Men or masculine beings who might be reading, this in no way intends to disrespect you or your capacity to meet a woman or feminine being. For many men, meeting a woman’s emotions can feel intimidating. That doesn’t make him bad or less than, he simply has the opportunity to develop a necessary relationship skill. The truth is most masculine beings were just never taught how to hold let alone welcome this emotional flow of energy from a woman. 

Emotions can scare men because sadly, they have been taught to judge, and even repress, their own emotions and vulnerability. If masculine beings resist their own emotions, even when they desire to embrace vulnerability, they often in turn resist her emotions. 

Additionally, because masculine beings tend to have an innate motivation to solve problems and fix things, they often respond in unsupportive ways to feminine vulnerability. If a masculine being fears, is intimidated by, or wants to make his feminine partner’s emotions go away, it becomes more difficult for her to express herself. If he overtakes responsibility for a feminine being’s emotions, it becomes less safe for her to share them. In this case, men or masculine beings can explore divine masculine embodiment.

Feminine beings, you know that you don’t need someone to fix your emotions. You’re also likely to admit that you’d really love to have someone hold space for you, and even literally hold your body, while you let emotions, and the accompanying vulnerability, flow through you. How do you know if it’s safe to be vulnerable with a man?

First, make sure that you have your own back. In other words, make sure you’re willing to listen to and honor your intuition and your needs. Then, take it step by step with him. Before you open into your deepest wells of emotion, or you share your most vulnerable inner world, you may want to start more gently for both of you. As you learn how to be vulnerable with a man, you also want to get a sense of whether he has the capacity to meet you in that vulnerability.

Be sure however, not to prejudge, as some women do. Many men can absolutely hold you in the deepest rawest expressions of vulnerability. Just go slowly. If, as you start to share, you don’t feel met, held, or even emotionally safe to continue, allow yourself to pause. In that moment, if it feels right, you can share your current experience, which, by the way, is actually a powerful form of vulnerability. If it’s feeling good, you can ask for what you might need to make it easier to be more vulnerable. 

How to teach a man to be emotionally vulnerable with you

If you’re learning how to be vulnerable with a man, or a masculine being, you might also be inspired to want to teach the man in your life how to be emotionally vulnerable with you. This can sound like a great idea, but might actually backfire.

In a relationship where masculine and feminine energy dynamics matter, the feminine does not want to “teach” the masculine. Because masculine energy is the directive, leading, driving and “telling” energy, when a feminine partner tries to teach her masculine partner anything, she goes into her masculine and has a strong likelihood of emasculating him. In this, she reverses the polarity dynamics between them, which then impacts attraction and sexual chemistry in a neutralizing way.  

If a feminine being wants her masculine partner or man to be emotionally vulnerable, she needs to simply create a safe space for him to open up, just as we have described here for her. If she pushes for emotions, if she tries to “get” vulnerability from him, he will actually experience it much the same way that she would experience a masculine being who was trying to push for physical intimacy. He will shut down and pull away. 

A feminine being can often create space for and inspire a man’s vulnerability by first being vulnerable herself. This can begin to open his heart center. Then as she moves through her emotions, she can allow some quiet space and time. When a woman stops talking and just allows a man to be with his own emotional experience, he will often share it with her in deeply moving ways. She can’t make that happen, but she can hold a space where he feels safe to be vulnerable and offer deeper insights into himself. Be gentle. Be patient. And, he just might surprise you with how much he feels. 

A woman or feminine being who knows how to be vulnerable has great power in love. Her personal capacity for openhearted vulnerability directly influences – expands or limits – the potential her connection with a man has for shared intimacy. Together, their capability to share intimacy determines the depths of the field of love they may enter in their relationship. 

Authentic intimacy, rooted in vulnerability, creates sustainable, genuinely satisfying, and true love relationships. The more feminine partner will always have the greatest influence on this aspect of a partnership. Benefiting both hearts, and the lasting connection between them, the woman or more feminine partner will find herself well rewarded for her desire and commitment to learn how to be vulnerable with a man. Through her own vulnerability the feminine invites her masculine partner into his vulnerability and deepest heart. Together they thrive in unity. 

Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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  1. Tara on April 3, 2024 at 10:34 am

    This sounds tricky! I know I have kept my vulnerability in “check” because I thought I was being too needy! But after reading this, I can see that my negative experiences with being vulnerable are because I was either “putting” my feelings onto him or the masculine being I was with didn’t have the capacity to receive my vulnerability (could they have been too much in their feminine?). I am also able to recognize that my late husband was capable and that when we were getting to know one another, I was keeping my vulnerability in “my” body and not expecting him to rescue me.

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