How to Get Over Someone You’ve Never Dated with True Heart Healing

If you’re wondering how to get over someone you’ve never dated, we first and foremost honor that your heart may need some genuine tender loving care right now. Whenever your heart falls for someone who doesn’t want you, the longing and heartache can feel immense. Getting over them as quickly and effectively as possible matters. Your happiness, and the wellbeing of your heart, depend on finding remedies quickly. Yet, the most potent remedy may surprise you. 

The best ways to get over, and let go of, this person will not only help you release them from your heart and your consciousness, they will also help prepare you to attract someone who can, and wants to, meet and love you fully – just as you are. Below we will outline not only how to get over someone you’ve never dated, but we’ll also consider why we fall in love with someone you can’t have and how to prevent that from happening in the future. 

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How do you fall in love with someone you’ve never dated? The history part. 

As humans, we are designed for connection and intimacy. We seek it naturally. We know that babies must have touch, care, and connection in order to thrive. Young or old, simply put, we all need to feel loved. Yet, depending on our early experiences with love, or a lack of love, we may develop misunderstandings of what true love is and where to find it. Even more specifically, if we didn’t feel loved, celebrated, and truly supported when we were young, we may have formed belief systems and a view of relationships that cause us to subconsciously keep love at a distance. 

Again, as a potential result of our early experiences with love and connection, we also may fear that we are, in fact, unlovable. Then, as we unconsciously hold that fear, we also don’t want to believe it. That means that we’ll often do anything to prove we are truly deserving of love. Yet still, often in the most devastating ways, we look for love in places where it remains unavailable to us. 

Falling for someone you’ve never dated offers the most effective path to proving the validity of the unconscious fears about ourselves and our lovability. Even as we hope they aren’t true, our fear of not being loved has us act in ways that perpetuate the lived reality of it. Hence, if this feels at all familiar to you, you may now, all of a sudden, be looking for wisdom on how to get over someone you were never with. 

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How do you fall in love with someone you’ve never dated? The specifics. 

At the most basic level, you, anyone, can fall in love with someone who you have never dated because of a reduced level of self worth, self love, and self trust. When someone doubts their own lovability, if they fear they won’t be loved, they take the opposite approach, and try to become the person whom they believe will be wanted, will be loved. They often do whatever they imagine it will take to garner the love they so deeply desire.

At the same time, someone who questions their lovability might also simply sit back and wait for someone to find them and fall in love. This person will pray for their beloved’s arrival. They may pine for love as longing while loneliness fills the empty spaces in their heart. At that point, the hungry heart, the one who so deeply wants to know love, watches for the one who “could” be their “one.” The daydreaming about that “perfect” one often takes on a fairytale quality. The senses go on hyper alert watching for someone you imagine could fulfill that fantasy love that your heart yearns for. 

Then, when you find someone who, by all external appearances, seems like they could be the embodiment of your fantasy, it’s easy to project that fantastical love onto them. That projection disregards the fact that, even if you’re currently friends, you aren’t truly intimately acquainted with nor connected to that person. This obviously becomes problematic. 

In other simple words, we project the healing and soothing of our hearts onto someone we sense could offer what we believe we need. Yet, we have minimal basis for that belief. In the absence of a true relationship, the love can only but remain a fantasy.  

“You must discover the unquestionable fact, within yourself, that you’re worth choosing.” 

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How to get over someone you’ve never dated

Whether you are currently in love with someone you were never with or you’re pining for unreturned love, let’s outline the cures to getting over someone you’ve never dated. Our list will begin with ways to loosen your heart’s grip on this unrequited love. Next the list will turn toward healing the part of you who fell for someone who isn’t into you. Finally, it will conclude with ways to bring final closure to this want-to-be connection. Together, the list offers a potent freedom and path forward to love. 

1. Get conscious of what we’re yearning for. Ask yourself what it is that you’re attracted to in this person? What do we imagine they will give you?
2. Start to notice consciously that they are not actually giving you any of the things you desire at the deepest levels. You may be receiving care at a surface level, but if you’ve never dated, it’s very unlikely that your deepest desires are actually being fulfilled by this person.  
3. See how there is a fantasy built around this person and any love you feel. 
4. Consider beginning to look for other sources of that love, attention, and care that you truly desire. Most importantly, while we understand this thought might initially irritate you, consider looking for this love within yourself. With relationships, if we seek them and fall in love because we “get” something from the other person that we don’t believe we have access to without them, we, as a result, create an unsupportive dependency. If there’s dependency on any one particular person, we will have to abandon ourselves in order to sustain that dependency. 
5. Honor the purpose that this person has served in your journey. Honor what this connection awoke in you and recognize that it’s yours to find in other more genuinely available ways.
6. Clear out all the consciousness that lowers your self worth.  
7. Get clear on the answer to the question, what is self love, and then start embodying it. Do whatever it takes to get to the point where you know you deserve great love. Clear out what’s in the way so you can have it manifest.  
8. Now, see the impossibility of having what you want with this person. See that you deserve so much more than this person offers you. 
9. Do an energetic completion ritual that includes: emptying out any stored emotion, offering gratitude for the experience, releasing any unsupportive beliefs that created the dynamic, energetic cord cutting, and prayers for the future. 
10. Realize that authenticity is the sexiest thing that ever existed. And, that when you’re authentic, someone who does want you, who truly has the capacity to love, you will show up. 

These steps offer highlights of the major stops along the way to getting over someone you’ve never dated. You can’t just snap your fingers and have them completed. It’s really a journey, a true pilgrimage to love, real love. It starts with, as they say in A Course in Miracles, “It’s not for us to seek for love, but to seek and find all the barriers we have built against it.” Please know that this is often easiest done with the personal support of a mentor or coach, or within a community of likeminded souls.

“It is only from our own wholeness, from our own unconditional love of self, that we can open ourselves to receive love from another.”

~ Joanna Shakti 

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The path to true love

When we look at the stages of soul love development, we know that it starts with our relationship with self, but yet why does it start there? Why can’t we just focus on finding a person who wants to grow in love with us? We can’t because until we see our worthiness, our enoughness, our deservedness for love, until we know we are lovable despite our flaws, it remains impossible to find that person who will truly commit. 

It is only from our own wholeness, from our own unconditional love of self, that we can open ourselves to receive love from another. Only when we reveal ourselves, flaws and all to another, will we ever trust the love on offer to us. With any lack of self worth, without a knowing of our innate lovability, we will, on some level, doubt the sincerity of another’s love for us 

In other words, in order to actually feel loved, in order to trust that love is real, we must reveal ourselves fully in our imperfect humanness. And that, dear one, requires genuine self love.

Therefore, if you’ve fallen for and need to get over someone you’ve never dated, you must learn to stand for your importance. You must bring yourself wholly to the world – flaws, warts, and all. You must no longer wait, hoping to be chosen. 

Discover the unquestionable fact, within yourself, that you’re worth choosing. 

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Sometimes it’s an igniting experience like falling in love with someone you’ve never dated that finally catalyzes the healing of our hearts and propels us onto our personal journey to find true love. From there we are able to build a conscious loving partnership from that love. In the end, we realize the love doesn’t come from the person or the partnership, but that we bring love to the connection and the partnership enhances it. 

So, at the heart of it all, fall in love with you. Fall in love with your life and you will never again need to fantasize about someone filling in the empty spaces. You’ll be so full and so alive that you’ll never again consider settling for anyone or anything. You truly won’t want to waste your time on someone who isn’t into you. You’ll know they aren’t worth it. With that in mind, please know that you won’t really be able to do this until you’ve thoroughly rebuilt your relationship with yourself, and with love itself for that matter. This however gives you something to look forward to. 

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…

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