How to Practice Self Compassion: 10 Kind Acts and 33 Loving Statements

Learning how to practice self compassion offers us the most potent pathway to healing and transformation. If we have a part of ourselves that we wish we could change, if we hold emotions that hurt, if we want to stand as a greater and more powerful version of ourselves, then, in all of these cases, we must have self compassion. While many believe that being tough on themselves, not letting up, and holding themselves to the highest standards assures personal growth and success, they would be wrong. 

We cannot sustain change in the presence of a demanding bully, including  when the bullying is directed at ourselves. Surprising to most, self compassion serves as the most essential ingredient and agent of change. Simultaneously, it rests as one of the greatest expressions of self love that empowers intimate and soulful relationships, and happy lives.

Here we will explore what self compassion is and answer the question, how do you practice self compassion? From there we’ll dive deeper into the power of fierce self compassion, and the ways that the masculine and feminine pair in its expression. Finally we will conclude with a series of self compassion statements that lead us to a deeper understanding of the path of true and sacred love.

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What is self compassion?

To support you in understanding completely how to practice self compassion, let’s begin with a deep understanding of what it is. Obviously self compassion means applying compassion to oneself. So what is compassion? Compassion rests first as one of the fundamental qualities of love itself. 

Compassion arises when we see the humanness in someone. It arises when we acknowledge the difficulties one meets in life. We experience and offer compassion each time we witness a person face and move through challenging circumstances and emotions. Compassion says both, “It’s OK.“ and “I’m here with you.”

When we experience and offer self compassion, we, by definition, witness and embrace ourselves in difficult times. We care for and reassure ourselves with self compassion rather than criticizing and holding harsh expectations. Self compassion invites us to soften with gentle care and loving kindness, particularly in the face of our mistakes, imperfections, or shortcomings. If we exist in human bodies, we all have those less than optimal parts of ourselves. In the absence of self compassion we judge ourselves. In its presence, when we know how to practice self compassion, we love ourselves.

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How do you practice self compassion?

When you want to know how to practice self compassion, you want to turn in the direction of loving kindness. Self compassion is loving kindness directed towards ourselves. That means if you want to practice self compassion, you can do anything that expresses kindness or makes you feel embraced and loved.

As you more deeply learn self compassion you’ll discover a natural grace within it. That grace has two dimensions. First, you’ll have a graceful way of approaching yourself. With grace, we are soft and open, we flow with an ease and an understanding. When you approach yourself with that kindness, then, secondly, you give yourself the much deserved grace and forgiveness you need in the moment. Even if you don’t believe you deserve grace, you do. You will absolutely not find a single human being walking the planet that does not deserve grace. You can rest assured you are not the exception.

With these awareness of the essence of how to practice self compassion, you might consider these particular physical acts of self love and self compassion. Go slowly with them and invite yourself to truly receive the grace, the love, the compassion that accompanies these actions.

• Touch your cheek gently
• Stroke your hair
• Smile at yourself in the mirror
• Wrap yourself up in a warm blanket
• Speak gently to yourself
• Speak reassuringly to yourself
• Let yourself go to bed early or sleep in late.
• Wrap your arms around yourself in a big hug
• Put your hand on your heart and breathe deeply. 
• Allow yourself to cry or feel any other emotion. (Stuffing our emotions is the opposite of how to practice self compassion.)

In some circumstances, you may need to add a fierceness to your self compassion. Fierce self compassion calls on us to combine more masculine energy aspects of self love with the more feminine, embracing qualities of self love that are often more obvious. Fierce self compassion invites us to set boundaries and say no to what isn’t in service to us. Fierce self compassion has a lovingly protective quality to it. It protects us from harm, most especially from ourselves.

So as you learn how to practice self compassion, lean first into the embrace of love and then let that be supported by conscious boundaries.

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Self compassion statements 

Here we include a variety of self compassion statements designed to help deepen how you practice this powerful act of self love. We suggest, whenever possible, offering these statements to yourself in front of a mirror, as you gently look into your own eyes.

However, with that being said, you will find some of these statements extremely powerful in the simple moments of life. Practice them particularly in the most tender moments. This might include lying in bed in the dark hours of the night, or in your car when the tears of overwhelm or the waves of frustration want to overtake you. Use them as an alternative for self criticism or when you feel like you aren’t enough.

To even more powerfully practice self compassion, you can use a variety of the statements combined together to create a self compassionate conversation with yourself. Or, feel free to repeat one over and over again until it sinks into your heart, into your cells.

1. It’s OK.
2. It’s really OK. 
3. I’ve got you.
4. I love you. 
5. Your tears are welcome.
6. Your feelings are welcome.
7. Your feelings are valid.
8. Being messy is part of life.
9. Mistakes are normal and they don’t say anything about you or your abilities.
10. Nothing can ever taint who you are.
11. You’re beautiful.
12. I don’t care about your weight. I love who you are.
13. My love isn’t dependent on your productivity or success.
14. Go take time to rest. 
15. It’s safe to soften.
16. Let me hold you. (Then wrap your arms around yourself.)
17. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.
18. There’s nothing ever to be ashamed of
19. You’re always doing the best that you can.
20. You could never lose my love.
21. I know this seems important now, and your feelings are totally valid, and I do want you to know that it will get better.  
22. Sometimes we just make mistakes and that’s OK.
23. It’s OK to forget. Everyone does.
24. It’s OK not to know. We can’t know everything.
25. You’re off the hook. You don’t have to perform for my love.
26. Sometimes we’re not at our best. That’s totally normal and I love you anyway.
27. You are more than enough.
28. It’s OK that you’re scared.
29. It’s safe to let me love you, if you’re willing.
30. I don’t expect you to be anything but you, even when being used seems imperfect.
31. I forgive you.
32. I’ll never leave you.
33. I love you, no matter what.

If your mind argues with you as you offer yourself any of these self compassion statements, it’s OK. That simply serves as a call for more self compassion. Learning how to practice self compassion becomes an iterative process. You  will inevitably not get it right the first time. Even when you become good at practicing self compassion, there will, without a doubt, be times that you struggle with it. None of this is problematic. It simply calls for you to deepen your practice of self compassion. 

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A path of love

As you embark on this journey to embody, express, and practice self compassion, you may also want to look at enhancing the overall quality of the relationship you hold with yourself in as many ways as possible. You might start with deepening your understanding and practice of self-love in general. You could even begin with a regular practice of a self love guided meditation. 

If you struggled at all with the self compassion statements, this can indicate, in some cases, a struggle with self worth. True self love and self compassion arise from a strong sense of our own innate value and importance in the world. There is truly nothing you need to do to prove your worth, and sometimes we find it difficult to believe that. If you find that to be the case with you, take some time to discover what may stand in the way. Maybe even consider getting some support from a mentor, coach or counselor so that you can clear out anything that obscures your absolute inner knowing of your own worth.

Next as we look at the practice of self compassion, we want to consider our relational dynamics as well. If you struggle in relationships and have a tendency to lean in the direction of over-accommodating or people-pleasing, then you might want to consider deepening your understanding of self abandonment and how to set healthy boundaries in a relationship. 

A well rounded approach to understanding how to practice self compassion and self love will serve you well. It provides you with one of the most essential ingredients in a sustained happy life filled with genuine love.

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In closing, we must say that no other journey in life is as important as developing your capacity for self compassion. Your path to learn how to practice self compassion and real self love is worth every uncomfortable moment you might face in the process. It’s worth all effort to overcome anything that stands in the way of loving you. It’s worth taking the risk of asking for help. 

You are a precious being and if you take the time to develop this potent expression of self love, you and your heart will be served thousands of times over.

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Since 2006 conscious men and women have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate true love and sustainable partnerships, while also fostering their mastery of the yin and yang of relationships (the masculine and feminine).