How to Talk About Sex

How to Talk About Sex

Do you talk about sex?  When?  Only after a glass of wine?  Only in bed?  Do you talk about it anytime anyplace? Or Never? Do you have rules about what you can or can’t say?

What feeling arise when you talk about it or when you think about talking about sex?

Do you get flush?  Do you get embarrassed?  Do you get a rush of energy?  Do you blush?

If you’re like so many, when the topic of sexual loving comes up you probably notice things – sensations, vibrations, turn-on, discomfort, even shutdown – happening in your body.  Do you stop, notice, enjoy and even get inspiration from the experience in your body or do you more often ignore what you’re feeling and just try to get through the necessary conversation?  Or worse yet, do you bury the feelings because you simply can’t, won’t or don’t know how to take about your experience?

So many of us have been taught, if even subtly, that we’re not supposed to talk about sex.  We’ve often felt like we had to hide it or whisper it.

I can remember many times, that my voice would automatically get quiet, whispering, when I’d start talking about what turns me on, or especially if I started sharing a fantasy.  I can remember men saying, “Why are you whispering?”  It was, and sometimes still is, that my body automatically tries to keep it “hush-hush”.

As many of you have been hearing me say for months, we need our healthy sexuality re-awakenedOur sexual energy is our life-force energy, our creative energy, our manifesting energy and without it we have less vitality, less inspiration, less excitement and joy.

In the upcoming Soulful Passion Retreat, we come together as men, women, singles and couples to talk about those intimate, vulnerable and truths of our relationship with sex and sexuality.  I can tell you, I’ve had couples say, “we’ve been married twenty years and we’ve never been this honest and talked about this stuff.”

Everyone is amazed that it’s not nearly as scary as they imagined and the truth is, in conscious company, they find the realness quite liberating!

And, it’s normal to have edges and comfort zones when it comes to talking about sex.  I have. I do.


So let’s look a little deeper, if a conversation you’re having is bringing heat to your body… do you actually bring your awareness to the heat? 

Or, if it’s making you want to squirm in your seat with discomfort, do you honor that?

What we focus on, what we bring our awareness to, gets magnified.  So, by paying attention to the buzz between your legs or the excitement stirring in your belly, you’ll magnify and bring more turn-on.  You’ll actually get even more aroused.  Do you allow yourself that pleasure?

Are you willing to take the risk to see just how turned on and aroused you can actually be? Does that start to bring up your discomfort?  Just notice.


If you find you are uncomfortable…

If you find you are uncomfortable… either from simply talking about sex or because I’m inviting you to find and expand the edges of your comfort zones, then bring your awareness to the point of your discomfort, to the place it your body where it feels the strongest, and notice if you can sense the source of your discomfort. 

Is it a should?  A shouldn’t?  A shame?  A fear?  A judgment?  A belief about what something means?  These are the internal conversations that get in the way of the fullness and potential of our external experiences – our deeper orgasm, connection, bliss, surrender, relaxation or fun.


It’s these internal dialogs, rules and beliefs – that we almost never consciously chose to accept and believe in – that dictate our experience and so-called reality today, in bed and out.

They hold us back from our pleasure potential, our joy, and our aliveness.

Are you ready for more pleasure, love, and intimacy?  You can have more of all of that when you let go of what holds you back and what unconsciously scares you.  When you leave that behind, you’ll discover the real truth about sex and pleasure for YOU.

By talking about sex – having (or at least listening to) any conversation about sex will give you ample opportunity to see both where you allow and welcome your pleasure, turn-on and juiciness as well as where you cut it off, hide it or even repress it.


So have a conversation or two this week…

If you’re really ready for a shift, have a conversation a day. 


If you’re ready for a BIG shift, join us at the upcoming Soulful Passion Retreat

Your conversations don’t have to be long.  You actually don’t even have to be a “conversation”.  Just simply tell someone a sexual desire or thought or question you’re having and see what happens.  Notice your body… notice your turn-on… notice your withdrawal.  How does it feel?

The conversation can happen with a lover of many years – in the kitchen, in bed, anywhere.  It can happen with a potential new love.  It can even happen while talking to your buddy or best girlfriend and if you happened to get turned on by the conversation, it doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that you’re alive, human, open and in-tune with the energy of the conversation.

The conversation and the turn-on can happen anywhere… in the car, at your desk, in the grocery store.  And, just because we’re turned on doesn’t mean we have to have sex.   You might let it juice up the rest of your life.


Let’s talk about SEX!


P.S. Remember not everyone is reading my articles, so if you want to talk to someone new about sex, feel your intuition or ask, to be sure it’s a welcome (if even uncomfortable) conversation.

In love, light and ecstasy,


Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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  1. Jack on February 25, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    I know you're probably really busy with bigger questions … but can you suggest a few fun ways to get a conversation like this started if it IS awkward?


  2. Joanna on March 24, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    Hi Jack,

    One way I've found to get started is to ask your partner if he/she has any fantasies they'd be willing to share… Or, even simpler, "I'm curious about what turns you (or people – if you want to be less personal) on… what turns you on?" Or, last but not least, you an be super direct, call it like it is, and say "I'm nervous and I think it would be fun to talk about sex… are you willing?"


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