How to Understand Women as a Conscious Man

When someone has the courage to ask how to understand women they may not realize it right away, and they have opened a door into a magical extraordinary space of being, into a powerful and enlivening experience. Women, especially feminine women, offer the world brightness, joy, and spontaneity. They share beauty and creativity with us. An awakened woman, in all her power, can truly inspire and even lead us into the greatest experiences of life we might ever know. She cultivates awe within us. And, she can confound us. 

Women may seem complex, yet their essence remains rather simple. As you know however, simple is not always easy for the mind. With women, we find this particularly true.

Let’s look deeper at how to understand women through the lens of both their beauty and their challenges. 

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It’s takes courage 

If you want to know how to understand women you will need to develop courage. In particular, as a conscious man you will need to know how to stand in yourself while you additionally trust something greater than you or her. Understanding women becomes challenging because women innately have big energy. They also cannot be quantified in a masculine way nor can they be contained or controlled. They cannot actually be fully defined. Some men find that intimidating and scary. We hope you’ll come to find it exciting and empowering. 

Let’s consider. 

If you are attracted to women, you’re invited to ask yourself, is it not their mystery, is it not the unexpected and spontaneous that arises from an alive awakened woman that actually excites and even arouses you? Isn’t it the unknown and the wildness combined with her ability to let go of control and be spontaneous that makes her so sexy? And, maybe a bit scary?  

Would you be attracted in the same way if she remained serious, rational, defined, controlled? If you always knew what was coming and what to expect would she have the same appeal as a long term romantic and sexual partner? 

It is this feminine embodiment and expression in a woman that you, as a conscious man, must learn to feel safe with before you can begin to understand her. Yes, we said safe. A conscious man who can hold space for the full expression of the feminine without a need, or even a desire, to tame her emotionally or energetically can discover a powerful passion and a love beyond words. 

In the simplest terms, the first step to understanding women rests on your commitment to embody your own grounded, rooted presence. This masculine solidity anchors the trust and confidence within you that you can handle all of who she is. If you don’t believe you can fully receive her, you won’t trust her. If you don’t trust her, you won’t be able to understand her. 

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How to understand women: the practices

As we explore the practices that will support you in your quest to know how to understand women, you must first admit that women think, feel, and act differently than you do. And, that you might actually get turned on by that difference. 

Her feminine essence expresses quite differently than your masculine one. If you try to understand women through your framework and the way you see and experience life, you will struggle. So, drop your own view of the world and allow yourself to approach your investigation from the innocent unknown, otherwise you’ll remain blind to her heart, her essence. 

Women, in their feminine essence, move from feeling first. They are compelled by connection as they hold the unifying force in relationships and in the world. In contrast, men in their masculine hold the rational, structured, and sovereign independent presence of the world. If either tries to understand the other through their own view of the world, they will stay naive. For you, as a conscious man, to understand women, you will want to begin to connect with your own feminine nature. 

As you likely know, all humans have both masculine and feminine energy within them. While masculine energy may express predominantly in you, the feminine within you matters, especially when it comes to how to understand women and love them well. 

This means that first and foremost you want to expand your capacity to feel. And, no, learning to feel will not threaten your masculinity. Conscious men know feeling strengthens their power and influence. You want to cultivate your capacity to accept and honor what she feels. When you can sense what she feels you will begin to see what motivates her and why she does what she does.

Next, you’ll want to consider the world through the lens of connection over sovereignty. A woman interacts with and interprets experience primarily through the lens of connection. Therefore, in order to understand women you’ll want to improve your ability to perceive interconnectedness in situations and circumstances. 

In short, meet her where she is. Don’t try to change her. Listen for what she’s feeling more than what she’s saying. She doesn’t speak as literally as you do. Remember that she feels connected to everything around her and that she tracks everything. (It’s why she can find your keys as well as what you can’t see in the refrigerator.) Understanding women doesn’t mean you have to track everything but you’ll want to start seeing a woman and her actions through the lens of connection and feeling. 

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How to understand women: translations

Another often confusing aspect of male-female, masculine-feminine, dynamics arises as a result of the different ways we communicate. To assist in knowing how to understand women better, here we’ll break down five of the most common communication mishaps. 

1. Women seek details, feeling, and connection through their communication. For example, when she asks you how your day was, she really wants to hear more than “It was great.” She’s seeking a way to reconnect with you and most women would like to hear something that was impactful to you, in either a great or a not-so-great way. In an ideal world, you’d share how something meaningful in the day made you feel. This same idea applies to how your golf game was, how your mom is, or what happened at the kid’s soccer game. Yes, practice sharing your emotions.

2. “I’m fine” rarely means she’s fine. Again, in general, the masculine speaks more literally while feminine speaks more figuratively. When you say you’re fine, you are probably fine. When a woman says she’s fine, more likely she’s experiencing a whole host of feelings that seem vulnerable or confusing and that she isn’t sure how to talk about. Yet, because she seeks connection, deeper down she wants to find a way to express herself, clear the energy, and reconnect with you.  Similarly, if she says, in the middle of an upset, “leave me alone” and walks away she may not actually mean it. Much of the time, because what she deeply desires is connection, she’ll want you to come check on her. She’ll want to feel you wanting to reestablish your bond together. Note also that in an upset situation, she truly may lose the sense of connection in deeper ways than you do. Don’t use her “I’m fine” as justification to pull away and avoid the upset. She needs you to work it out with her. 

3. She talks about other people before herself. Because women and the feminine have a nurturing and care-taking nature, they will, unless that have developed a deeply conscious relationship with themselves, tend to speak about or ask about others before themselves. A simple example happens when she’s hungry. Instead of saying, “I’m hungry,” as you likely would, a woman, when she’s hungry she will often ask, “Are you hungry?” If you’re hungry, then she’s more likely to communicate her hunger to you. You have an opportunity here to recognize that when she asks about your needs you’ve received a cue to ask about her needs. This can make her feel very seen and loved. 

4. She gets loud or unexpectedly yells at you. While raising our voices to set boundaries or make clear that something is not ok can be necessary at times, at other times women yell because they have hit a state of overwhelm or feel powerless. If you’ve wondered, why is my wife yelling at me, or what’s up with my girlfriend today, you’re not alone. There are many natural triggers for her upsets that you’ll want to learn to recognize. If you want to truly understand women, then strive to become cognizant of the ways the women in your life naturally abandon themselves and overgive. Sometimes, you’ll also want to consider how you may, inadvertently and unintentionally, not be meeting her core needs in your relationship. Finally, if your wife, girlfriend, or even your female colleague is upset with you, she’ll have immense appreciation if you learn how to consciously address her underlying, often unspoken, needs when she gets loud or upset. 

5. Lack of sexual interest for women is rarely about desire. Women lose interest in sex most commonly because of other issues in the relationship happening outside the bedroom. When upsets remain unresolved, when hurt feelings haven’t been mended, when resentments build, women will lose interest in sexuality. They have a different relationship to their sexuality than most men and can set it aside much more easily. Stress and overwhelm can also make sex feel like a chore for women much more so than for men. Of course, middle aged women may deal with reduced desire during menopause which has nothing to do with how she feels about the man in her life. Taking the time to understand women physically and how they may view the differences between making love and having sex will also serve you well. 

Be patient as you explore these differences in the ways you communicate and interact in a relationship. It will take time to truly understand the varied perspectives between you and the women in your life. Yet, if you commit to the path of understanding women, you will find yourself richly rewarded. 

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How to understand women: her needs

As you continue discovering how to understand women and their different needs, you will serve your relationships greatly when you take the time to consider the ways you can immediately and directly contribute to meeting her needs. 

Here we outline the core things a woman needs in a relationship as well as how you can meet those needs. Remember that understanding women helps with every relationship you have with a woman – whether she’s your wife, girlfriend, sister, daughter, mother, neighbor, colleague, or even a stranger.

Her needs… 

1. Safety. First, and maybe not surprising to you, women need to feel safe. While you personally are never likely to physically harm a woman, her experience of safety reaches far beyond the physical. She needs to feel safe physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually –- now and in the future. That means she feels best with a man who realizes and considers that in their relationship. It does not, however, make you ultimately responsible for her safety. Yet, at the same time, you most certainly impact the sense of safety she feels, whether increasing or decreasing it. So, pay attention to being trustworthy, reliable, keeping your word, and planning for the future.

2. Heard. As we mentioned above, women move from and through feelings. You might ask what being heard and feelings have to do with one another and your question would be warranted. Quite different from many men, women first seek emotional intimacy. That means the man she’s relating with has the capacity to “get” her emotionally. Feelings and being heard also connect because a woman experiences repair and reconnection after an upset when she feels heard for what she feels. 

3. Seen as a whole being. Women want to be seen as the sum of all their parts. Masculine beings and men by nature compartmentalize. They break down what they see and experience into individual parts that can be better understood and related with. However, when a man interacts with just a part of a woman, she doesn’t feel truly seen. She doesn’t feel known. She feels missed. This can happen frequently in sexually related communication. Objectification happens when a man sees and responds to specific physical parts of a woman’s body. When you see only a part of her body, you do not see who she is – her essence. On the other hand, when she does feel seen, known, and loved for her whole being, she’ll likely have the capacity to respond with more excitement when you compliment and love parts of her body.

4. Affection. Most women tend to get to their sexual arousal through their heart while many men get to their heart through their sexuality. That means that many couples find themselves in repeated upsets over sex vs affection. Honestly, if a woman struggles to feel close and connected to her partner she will almost always lose her interest in sexuality. Men, she works completely differently than you when it comes to physical connection. If you want more physical intimacy then tend to her sense of connection, especially emotionally. 

5. Cherished. When it comes to how to understand women, you must realize that women need to feel how much they matter to you. A female romantic partner will actually want to feel as if they are number one in your world. With that, for the masculine, your mission and purpose will almost always be your first commitment. Yet, even committed to your purpose and your desire to provide, you can interact with the woman you love in small, yet potent, ways that make her feel truly special and cherished. 

6. Valued. For a woman, her need to feel valued will compare to your need to feel appreciated. When in romantic partnership with a woman, she needs to feel recognized and appreciated (aka valued) for the contribution she makes to the relationship. This will include all the little things she does to make your life better as well as everything she contributes to a home you might or a family you might have. 

When a woman experiences life with a man who fully sees her, who has the capacity to fully embrace her woman’s emotions, who recognizes and meets her needs consistently, she will come alive, shine, and be happy in ways you may not yet be able to fathom. When a woman feels full and supported, she makes magic happen in the lives of all those around her.

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As you embark on this journey and discover the answers to the question of how to understand women, you will quickly realize that a woman’s apparent complexity lies in her unpredictability and boundless energy. To succeed you must meet this from an open mind. Of course, you also want to remember that women will never completely understand men, nor will you ever be able to completely understand women. You can, although, get close. She can feel truly known and understood by you if you commit to the journey with her. 

Stay present in each moment. Seek to understand her here and now. Have fun. Playfulness and humor combined with honest intention will carry you miles down the road toward happy and sustained relationships. 

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…