Imperfection and self love


Do you resist or even hate…

  • Making mistakes?
  • Acknowledging that we didn’t reach a goal?
  • Admitting we were wrong?
  • Saying we’d do something and not delivering?
  • Knowing we didn’t do our best job?
  • Admitting our responsibility in a conflict?

I know I’ve done these things.  Have you done every one of these “detested” things at some point in your life?  How many do you do on a daily basis… honestly?

I never intend to do these things and they happen… they just happen.  They are part of being human.  I also know that if I don’t do these things once in a while, I’m not living my life to the fullest.  And… I still seem to fiercely resist them.

Do you welcome mistakes and failure or do you resist them?

I ask these questions of you… as I’ve been asking them of myself recently.  It seems my perfectionist tendencies have flared up… or maybe it’s just that I’m becoming more acutely aware of how often they still show up in my life.

At one time in my life I believed being a perfectionist was one of my greatest qualities.  I can remember in days past proudly answering the common interview question “What’s your best quality?” with the answer, “I’m a perfectionist.”  At the time, I had no idea how much pain that very quality caused in my life.  It set me up for constant unhappiness… I NEVER got a chance to celebrate a success because it could have always been better in some way.

How often do you find fault even in your successes?

We’ve all been conditioned to “do our best,” “get it right” and “live up to expectations.”  And, sometimes our standards are sooooo high that our goals are impossible.   Tony Robbins once said, in a workshop I was attending, that perfection was actually the lowest standard you could have because there was no standard.  Perfection IS IMPOSSIBLE… so we actually have no standard.

Here’s what makes it worse for most of us.   When you do make a mistake or fail to live up to a goal or expectation, do you beat yourself up about it and tell yourself all the things you should have done and how you could have done it better?  This just makes the pain even more intense.

Do you beat yourself up for your shortcomings?

I’ve learned… and I’m continuing to remember regularly these days… that when I try to be perfect about anything I create pressure, pain and tension for myself AND those around me.  I’m not very fun to be around when I’m trying to get it ALL done PERFECTLY by YESTERDAY!  Sound familiar to any of you?

What if letting your self (and your kids and your significant other and your co-workers) make mistakes and get it wrong made life more joyful for everyone?

Are you ready to let go of getting it right?

What would you have to risk feeling if you were to make a mistake or even fail? Are you willing to feel that feeling? This is the feeling that you’ll do anything to avoid feeling and it’s the one that keeps you stuck.
If you are ready to move beyond your perfectionist tendencies or your need to get it right, then I invite you to start letting yourself feel that feeling.

When you let yourself off the hook, you’ll find so much more love for you and for life.

I am human.  I make mistakes.  I am imperfect!

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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