Living in the Moment
Living in the moment can change the entire dynamic of a relationship. Have you noticed how much time you spend looking at what you are upset or disappointed about in the past or how much you think about what might or might not happen in the future? I know I am guilty of both of these habits. When we focus on either the past or the future we miss what is happening right here. Only in the here and now can we experience the juice of life. Only in the here and now can we truly connect with another person, whether our beloved or a store clerk.
The only moment that we can truly enjoy is this moment happening right now.
Are you enjoying this moment?
Consider… can you actually enjoy a moment in the past or a dream about the future? Sure a memory or dream can make us smile, but can they really bring joy right now? I suggest that the only way to experience real joy is to focus your awareness on the experience you are having in this moment. When we do this, even if the moment isn’t what we “want it to be”, we can experience spontaneous joy.
When we step out of sync with this moment, we suffer and our relationships suffer. When we focus on something other than this moment, typically we focus on some form of dissatisfaction… either wanting more or less of something. In this state of dissatisfaction, we are absolutely precluded from feeling happiness, love and connection. Which do you choose?
This is not to say that we should never be upset or that our upsets aren’t justified. Upsets are a natural part of living and relating. The true question is, how do we let those upsets impact us and what do we do about them?
I’m sure you know that when you live or work closely with anyone, no matter how much you love them, there are times when you will be annoyed, irritated, disappointed, or even down right angry. If the cause of the upset is a new occurrence – something that hasn’t happened before – then express your emotions and concerns in the moment and resolve it now so you can quickly return to love and connection. A teacher of mine used to ask, “How quickly can you return to love?” Ask yourself.
If the cause of the upset is something that happens on a regular basis (i.e. it’s a habit or behavior that the other person has… and no matter how much you dislike it, it’s still there, it hasn’t changed.)… these are the times to just let go and return to you own center where you can be happy regardless of the other person. Most of us know of a behavior or habit we wish we could change in someone else, that up to this point just hasn’t changed no matter how hard we try to change that person. Change might happen sometime, but is it worth sacrificing your happiness and your relationship today to keep fighting for that future change? What if you simply recognized that right now this is the way life is and say to yourself, “I might as well stop fighting what is and enjoy the moment.” You might also call this “letting go.”
We seem to fight what is or what has been… and this is a struggle we cannot win. Have you ever won a battle with what is? Have you ever changed the past? Have you ever made someone or something change just by focusing on it? I suggest…
Let go and enjoy this moment!
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.