Love is a One-Person Job

Love is a one-person job.

Hearing that… have you ever thought, ”I want more love in my life” or “I want more love from so-and-so”? Has your heart longed, ”I want someone to love me,” or cried out with “Why doesn’t anyone love me?”

In a relationship, have you felt, ”I wish he or she loved me more.”

If you’ve ever, even once, had one of those thoughts, this article is for you.

Here’s the problem with those thoughts…

We can never “get” love from another. We can never actually even receive love…

Yes, learning to receive is essential in relationships.  I teach all my clients and program participants – men and women alike – how to receive.  Yet, that does not matter when it comes to the experience of love.

In the case of love, you cannot experience what you do not have.  If love doesn’t exist within you, no one can ever actually “love you.”


Love isn’t something that is actually given or received, it’s something that’s awakened, amplified, and shared.


If your love tank is empty, you are the only one who can fill it.  And while it’s empty, you cannot experience the love emanating from another, no matter how fiercely and deeply they love you.

Have you heard the saying,” You cannot live another until you love yourself?” I would change that quote to…


“You can’t love another until you can be loved and you can’t be loved, until you love yourself. 


You’ve probably heard me say that my first husband couldn’t have loved me enough for me to feel loved. There wasn’t any love inside me. There was nothing for his love to awaken. 

I was responsible for not feeling loved.  I denied it.  I didn’t believe in it.  So I didn’t, and couldn’t, feel it, no matter how much I hungered for it from him.


Love is everywhere. Love is always. Love lives in you… if you’re willing to see it and feel it. 


Yet, we tell ourselves (if even unconsciously) ”I’m not worth it. I don’t deserve it… I have to earn it.”

We believe we can lose love.  When we imagine that to be true, then our body and mind can no longer see or feel that which exists right under our precious nose.


You are love.


Your job… if you want to great relationship… and even if you don’t want relationship, but simply want to be happy…  is to…


Come home to you… fall in love with you.


Here’s to loving you!

In love, light and ecstasy,


Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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  1. Shasha on May 20, 2017 at 1:24 am

    Very profound. This is the best I have ever heard it explained! Thanks!

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