Male Loneliness Epidemic and the Impact of Shame from Men and Women

Few people truly realize the deep impact of the male loneliness epidemic on life, relationships, and society at large. Many women imagine it to be another farce from men to get sympathy. At the same time, many women crave the very same thing men that men so sorely need. Honestly, women and men alike may find themselves both shocked and inspired when they realize that the male loneliness epidemic and women’s oppression share a consistent thread and root cause. When one gets to heal we all get to heal. 

Of course we cannot in any way deny the impact of some male attitudes and behaviors on the well being of women. Nor can we deny that many men remain blind to the genuine struggles women face. Yet, we can also say the same about many women who have, consciously and unconsciously, refused to see the devastating impact of societal norms on their male and masculine partners, friends, and relatives. It’s time for us to expand our consciousness and our empathy for ourselves and each other.

Here we’ll confirm that, yes, society at large struggles deeply with loneliness right now at epidemic levels. Will also confirm that yes, the male loneliness epidemic is real, a specific part of the whole. We’ll explain what it is and why it’s happening. As we consider both the causes and effects of the male loneliness epidemic, we’ll see why it’s important to look specifically at the men’s side of this devastating dilemma and how those insights help men, women, society heal. Finally, we’ll conclude with insights on how to repair the systemic division within us and between us such that men and women can become allies for one another in a way that continually uplifts each individual and humanity as a whole. 

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What is the male loneliness epidemic?  

In 2023 the US surgeon general identified and documented an epidemic of loneliness and isolation affecting American society as a whole.¹ In 2024 a Gallup poll found that one and five, or 20%, of the population experienced daily loneliness, where daily was defined as experiencing loneliness a lot during the day prior.²  It’s worth specifically pointing out that that those numbers do not include include people who experience loneliness on a frequent and regular basis, but not necessarily daily. We must also note that there was no significant difference overall between the frequency of loneliness in men versus women. However, to address the causes and the path to ending the societal and male loneliness epidemic, we will be served to look at men and this dynamic distinctly.

How we define and explain the male loneliness epidemic in media, and in conversation, depends on the lens being looked through. It has certainly been proselytized by the likes of what we might call the manosphere or “red pill” spaces. In their world, they often portray men as victims of the feminist movement and equality efforts. Other organizations however, such as Equimundo, have committed themselves to supporting the inherent health and well-being of men, and the way that their conscious well-being contributes to society as a whole. If our men aren’t well, our society isn’t well. If our women aren’t well, our society isn’t well. It goes both ways. Yet the solutions differ.

It is this later group of studies and work focused on the well-being of men and the whole that calls us to consider the very roots of the traumas and divisiveness that exist between men and women. We cannot ultimately separate these problems and pains within society, yet by looking at them independently, we will find insights into how to solve both the male loneliness epidemic, and the global loneliness epidemic. Along the way, we might just solve the equality problem.

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Male loneliness epidemic causes

To begin with, let’s answer the question: why is there a male loneliness epidemic and why does it need to be explored distinctly? Current suicide stats offer one of the most important insights. The CDC reports from 2024 indicate that men are four times more likely to take their own lives than women.³ So while, yes, all people are impacted by this loneliness epidemic, it contributes to the death of men at greater rates. These differences in suicide rates are not brand new and therefore we believe this epidemic started long before it was ever named recently. 

It might surprise you to know that there were over two times as many suicides in the US in 2023 then there were homicides.⁴ The violence of men towards themselves inarguably needs our attention now. Suicide rates are the highest among older men over 75. At the same time, taking one’s own life was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34.⁵ Rates for younger men between 25 and 34 have increased by 30% since 2010 according to the American Institute for Boys and Men.⁵

So what’s causing this? We obviously know that the pandemic years from 2020 to 2022 shifted societal norms overall from more socially active to extreme isolation. Several years later, we have still not recovered the level of natural and regular social interaction that we had before the pandemic. At the same time, our usage of technology driven social media has continued to skyrocket. These platforms thrive by keeping us attached to, if not addicted to, our devices. These online interactions make it appear as if we’re more connected. Yet in reality we are more alone than ever when it comes to facing life’s difficulties. No one is sitting with us in our frustrations, in our fears, in our hurts. In our most difficult times we are worlds away from others on social media. That statement stands exponentially more true for men as a whole. 

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It gets worse… (and the permission we need)

This problem of loneliness and isolation is exacerbated for men, internally, if not externally, because society has told men and anyone holding a more masculine expression to keep it together. From very young years, we tell our male children that boys don’t cry. We tell young men to “man up”, which inherently shames them for being anything other than solid, rational, stoic, and achieving. This one statement alone has ravaged the hearts of millions and millions of men, although most would likely deny it, which only serves to make the situation worse. 

When traumas happen in the families or lives of men, they tend to suffer in silence. Whether they intellectually believe in it or not, way too many men hold up a “bro code” that demands they keep their pain under wraps. Yet when that suppressed pain gets to be too much, they escape through work, addictions, and suicide at alarming rates. It’s up to all of us – parents, friends, siblings, spouses –  to help resolve the shaming of men’s emotions and the violence and epidemic that ensue because of it.

To be specific, we don’t tend to ask men how they’re handling difficulties in the same ways that we ask women. We might ask men how their wives, sisters, and mothers are holding up in the face of difficulties or trauma way more often than we ask the man themselves. Checking in on the emotional well-being of a man is typically an afterthought at best. This must change. 

If we desire to end this male loneliness epidemic we must give permission to men to hurt, to feel, to cry. When collectively men have this permission, when anyone embodying masculine energy has this permission to feel, to need support, to be vulnerable, then the men in our lives will begin to heal. What’s been repressed in them will resolve in healthy ways.

Then, and only then, will men be able to hold the women in their lives in the ways those women need to be held. Then, and only then, will we be able to find the equality life demands. Then we will find healing as a collective society.

Feeling does not make a man any less of a man. Now is the time to stop perpetuating that shaming myth.

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The effect of the male loneliness epidemic

You’ve already begun to see the effects of the male loneliness epidemic. As we said, it tells men to suck it up. It shames them for being soft or sensitive. You might even be surprised to know that this shaming can come from women nearly as frequently as from men. The messages may be subtler, a withdrawing or a loss of attraction, but no less impactful.

If we look on a broader scale, when men are not allowed to feel, when they feel ashamed or are shamed for shedding a tear, they must, as a result, repress and suppress their human nature. 

ALL humans feel. All humans hurt. Being human means feeling vulnerable. Every human being wants love and connection. Yet again, classically and currently, men are not supposed to be human. We project, and they project on themselves, an expectation of superhumanness. That projection, those expectations, are destroying families, ending marriages and killing men.

When men have to repress their emotions, they cannot be there to hold space for their feminine partner’s emotions, nor for the emotions of their families. They remain isolated when they need to be connected both to themselves and to the ones they love. Additionally, this difficulty in allowing themselves to feel means they can’t truly meet their romantic partners in the emotional intimacy required to sustain a healthy and happy partnership. 

As allies to one another in this healing process, women will serve themselves and the men they love by becoming aware of their partial or even significant blind spots in how they contribute to the rejection of men’s emotions. 

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Healing the divide

Let’s go deeper still. Let’s name this common thread between the male loneliness epidemic and women’s oppression.

At a collective level, after interacting with tens of thousands of people over 20 years, there is no greater source of our societal and global problems, far beyond the male loneliness epidemic, than the shaming of femininity or the feminine. We shame women for being feminine. We shame the feminine side of men. We shame anyone who shows a predominant feminine side. The shaming is killing us individually and collectively.

We fear the unknown of the feminine. We find ourselves afraid of its unpredictability and wildness. We don’t trust the sensitivity and intuitiveness. Yet at the same time, we hunger for the aliveness of the feminine. Let’s consider how it shows up in our world and why it’s so essential.

The feminine, or our feminine side, …

• Lies at the heart of all deep and strong connections.
• Is our emotional nature, which when repressed comes out sideways in aggressive and passive aggressive ways. Suppressed emotion causes violence and self harm as we see in the male loneliness epidemic, and in our crime statistics.
• Is required for all healing in the human body. None of us can truly or effectively heal in the go-mode of masculinity.
• Lies of the root of joy, play, and relaxation. Men and all people who feel compelled to provide at all costs eventually kill themselves. Usually it’s just a much slower death.
• Is the gateway to Love of self and other. Criticism of self or other never lifts us up to our high highest potential. It is this Love that we need to reunite us.
• Considers and feels the impact of our actions on others and on life itself. Without access to our feminine nature, masculinity goes unconscious and finds the capacity to harm themselves, others, women, children, and the planet.

Again whether in a male body, a female body, or any body, the denial, resistance, judgment, and abandonment of femininity damages life in all its forms. We need to become allies for one another. We all need to give ourselves, and in particular men, permission to feel, to embody their feminine aspect. 

At the same time, we need to not only give women permission to feel, but we also need to develop an appreciation for,  and even a celebration of, the role models they can be for a loving society where success and well-being happen for all. 

To be perfectly clear, none of this implies that femininity is better than masculinity. They are both needed in equal measure within us, between us,  and beyond us.

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As we conclude, let’s clearly define the path forward. To heal the male loneliness epidemic, to end the societal  loneliness epidemic, we must open our hearts individually, and collectively, to love, empathy, sensitivity, compassion, kindness, and tenderness. 

These are not the qualities that will kill us or render a society unsafe. They will not be the end of prosperity. Quite the opposite is true. When this aspect of humanity is allowed to rise in all humans, we will rise to levels of joy, happiness, and fulfillment that we can’t currently conceive of.

Masculinity is not toxic. When men and women understand divine masculine embodiment, we will discover the true and greatest human potential. Until then we will continue to suffer from sadness, loneliness, depression, and addiction. The male loneliness epidemic will get worse. Intimacy issues in romantic relationships will continue to become more painful. And, we will unnecessarily lose many more lives way too soon.

Our prayers are that, no matter who you are, no matter what body you live in, you will find within yourself the courage to uncover and understand the deepest pains of our time that live within you and play out in your relationships, so that we may all live the lives we are meant for… lives of love and joy.

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Since 2006 conscious men and women have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate true love and sustainable partnerships, while also fostering their mastery of the yin and yang of relationships (masculine and feminine).

And stepping into creating their relationships consciously.

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References 

https://aibm.org/research/male-suicide/

Office of the Surgeon General (OSG). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community [Internet]. Washington (DC): US Department of Health and Human Services; 2023-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK595227/

https://news.gallup.com/poll/651881/daily-loneliness-afflicts-one-five.aspx

https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/data/

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide