Masculine Women: Understanding, Loving & Making Love to Them

Being, or being in relationship with, masculine women in today’s world can seem truly confusing. The greatest cause of this confusion stems from the truth that some masculine women live from a place of genuine authenticity, while others embody their masculinity as a defense mechanism, a protective armoring, or a perceived success strategy. Many women feel, regardless of their true nature and desire, that they have to be masculine in order to survive in the world, in order to do what they have to do in life. 

The key question for masculine women or those who love a woman with masculine energy that expresses predominantly, is whether that masculine energy arises by innate nature and true constitution, or if it comes from a protective and survival strategy. While you’ll find similar masculine traits expressed in both cases, the experience and impact of those traits, on both the woman and those around her, will be very different when strategic over innate. This generates confusion for all. 

Let’s unravel the complex dynamics at play here.

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The background: masculine and feminine energy

Before we answer the question, “what is a masculine woman”, let’s understand masculine energy along with its counterpart feminine energy. Rooted in ancient traditions and seen throughout mother nature, masculine and feminine energy have unique and opposite expressions. Masculine energy is directed and decisive in contrast to the feminine that goes with the flow. Masculine energy has a vertical, rooted, grounded, solid, and focused expression. Feminine energy presents as vast and boundless, radiant and glowing. The feminine embraces and envelops. The masculine feels more like a rock you can lean on while the feminine feels more like the safety and soothing of a warm hug. 

The feminine ultimately values relationship over accomplishment while the masculine values mission above all else. The feminine tends to the “we” – the relationships and unity – of life. The masculine stands for the “me” which we could also describe as our sovereign independent expression. When it comes to masculine women the idea of the strong independent woman arises from this emphasis of masculine energy in a female body.

Here’s the critical factor at play and the one that generates the confusion. Every human being naturally embodies both masculine and feminine energy. Yet, while we all embody both energies, most people innately have one of the two energies expressing more predominantly than the other. Commonly this correlates with gender but not always. It actually doesn’t matter for anyone which energy has a natural predominance. What matters is that you live in authentic alignment with your true nature. However, identifying and recognizing your true energetic nature can seem easier said than done.

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What is a masculine woman?

Truly masculine women have naturally predominant masculine energy while other seemingly masculine women simply wear a masculine facade and have often forgotten that they put that mask on a long time ago. Predominant masculine energy seems normal to them… sort of. 

Many men, women, and those anywhere along the gender spectrum have lost sight of the protective masks they’ve donned and the strategic ways of being they have taken on over the years that now seem so natural. We see this energetic confusion so often in our retreats and programs because unfortunately, through life experiences, many truly masculine men have taken on a more feminine persona – as the “nice guy” or the “New Age sensitive guy.” 

At the same time, many innately feminine women have taken on the strong independent woman persona. They present as masculine women, while underneath their repressed feminine craves having someone show up to finally have their back. Often unconsciously, they long to take off the invisible masculine cloak and relax. Deep down they can want someone to take care of them for a change. These “situationally” masculine women often find themselves lonely, exhausted, and sometimes burnt out and discontent. They rarely get their needs met. 

Whether authentically arising or strategically driven, a masculine woman is someone who identifies as female and predominantly embodies masculine energy traits. You’ll recognize these women through their assertive, often competitive, and truly independent nature. They’ll often be a bit of a lone wolf who can carry burdens that would break others. Typically they can be critical of themselves and others because they rarely feel well supported. 

Again, we see the complexity here. 

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Why do women have masculine energy?

Let’s break the two categories down here. We’ll first look first at women who, by their very constitution, hold more masculine energy than feminine. This happens as a natural force in human development and society is served by each unique expression of humanity. A truly masculine woman offers us a solid presence and a structured approach. She carries that ability to be a rock for others and these qualities don’t “cost” her anything. Her innately authentic masculine energy empowers and enlivens her, and this is a good thing.

In contrast, a truly feminine woman who exhibits more masculine energy than feminine energy will become less of herself, feel more unhappy, and be more exhausted. She’ll end up feeling more alone, isolated, and irritated. This happens because she has to “perform” masculine energy and that takes way more effort than being feminine. It’s why we see so much burnout and physical exhaustion issues in masculine women today.

Most of those women are feminine beings “doing” masculinity. Why? Because the feminist movement said that’s what a good woman does. Our corporate business environments generally appear to expect a masculine approach and have too often rewarded masculinity. Being a single woman parent also calls on more masculine energy. With all of that, “going it alone” has become a badge of honor in our society, and it puts women in masculine energy regardless of their true nature.  

Fortunately many many many truly feminine beings who were living as predominantly masculine women have recovered their femininity. They have found the ability to let down the masculine walls of protection and the masculine facades. They have reclaimed health, happiness, all while uniting in deeply ecstatic romantic relationships. These women have given themselves permission to accept their femininity and the world is benefiting from their commitment to their divine feminine energy connection and cultivation.

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The impact of unconscious masculinity in a woman

As we acknowledge that masculine women can, if they are inspired and courageous, recover their femininity, let’s consider the cost of living behind that masculine facade.The impact of masculine energy in a woman and on others in her life has to do with whether or not that energy arises naturally and organically or if it arises performatively. 

When we say performatively we mean that masculine energy in a woman has been increased and expressed more predominantly for strategic purposes. In other words, if the woman expresses more masculine energy in an attempt to prove herself, in an attempt to get respect, or because she believes that’s what a powerful woman does, these expressions of masculinity would be more strategic, intentional, and performative in contrast to what might arise naturally if the woman already felt safe, honored, and respected. 

We just mentioned safe, when a woman doesn’t feel safe – whether she’s predominantly masculine or feminine by nature, she will lean on her inner masculine energy to be her protector. Unfortunately, many women have so frequently felt they weren’t safe and needed to protect themselves that they forgot it was a strategy. They lost sight of the softer, more surrendered and light hearted feminine expression underneath. Often, being herself, her feminine self, didn’t feel safe. 

Truly feminine beings who live consistently in their masculine energy for long periods of time tend to feel the impact physically, mentally, and emotionally. They sometimes pay the price of physical disease. They can feel resentful of and disconnected from the ones they love. Loneliness creeps in because they have lost much of their ability to receive and truly be supported. In more extreme cases, they’ve become bitter. 

In addition to the personal impact, let’s consider the relational dynamics more deeply. Masculine qualities in a woman are received well by others when they express from a place of innate authenticity. In this case they will be respected. Yet, when a woman is being masculine in an attempt to get respect, she will actually end up being less respected. Whether someone can name it or not, in her presence they’ll feel an inauthenticity or an incongruence that will, often inexplicably, make it harder to truly respect, trust, and support her. This response will arise instinctively and the person often won’t understand why.

To say the least, living as a masculine woman when that is not your true nature can cost you deeply. 

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Signs of a masculine woman

Many of the following signs of a masculine woman will show up in any woman expressing predominantly masculine energy. The more “unconscious” or “unsupportive” masculine women traits will primarily show up in females presenting and “performing” masculine energy. 

For those women who authentically carry predominant masculine energy, these traits will be effortless and energizing. For others who present masculine energy in front of their authentic feminine nature will, as we have mentioned, frequently, if not always, feel depleted and drained.

Masculine women… 

• are better at giving than receiving
• say “No, no. I’ve got it,” when offered help
• often feel intimidating
• frequently attempt to prove their value 
• can lack boundaries
• show up aggressive in places where it’s not truly necessary 
• quickly take charge, and can leave masculine men feeling unneeded and even emasculated 
• have partners who feel like they’re never enough and can’t get it right. 
• tell you they’re “ fine” while often being both emotionally unavailable and overly emotional 
• feel exhausted and even burnt out
• try to be rational more than emotional, but often aren’t successful
• are competitive
• are independent 
• struggle with intimacy 
• find themselves in the friend zone
• feel lonely 
• have more “hardness” and tension in their bodies
• hold more energy in their shoulders instead of their hips
• compartmentalize easily. 

Following up on the last trait, one way to truly recognize a feminine woman who presents as masculine is to pay attention to what happens when she has an unresolved upset with someone she loves, especially a romantic partner. If a woman has a hard time focusing on work or going to bed upset, there’s a good chance her primary energy is truly feminine. The authentic masculine, in comparison, easily compartmentalizes. If a woman has trouble escaping her feelings and is significantly bothered by a rupture in an important relationship, she’s probably feminine in her core constitution. 

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In closing, if you think you’ve found yourself in the masculine women contingent, you’re invited to consider the question, is your energy genuinely masculine or is it something you learned to do to try to take care of yourself and those you love? If you find yourself loving or trying to love a masculine woman, you might consider whether you’re embodying the 11 masculine energy traits women crave, because how you show up will impact how she shows up. 

Finally, if you want to truly understand the powerful dynamics and interplay of masculine and feminine energy in life and love, you might consider exploring one of the most ancient explanations of this dance of opposites through the yin and yang meaning in love. 

Being a masculine woman authentically is a gift to humanity. Having to be masculine is not a gift, but a burden. There is a way back to genuine connection, peace, support, health, happiness, pleasure and so much more. Many women have found their way home to themselves and realized they were even more powerful in their femininity. Yes… even more powerful in their authentic feminine. 

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…