Men and Women Argue Differently

Men and Women Argue Differently

Men, is she upset and you’re clueless about why, and now you’re fighting?  Women, do you ever feel like he just doesn’t get it?

Here you’ll find four tips to turn conflict into connection, and the number one best way to end a woman’s upset! Guys, you want to know this…


1) Men and women communicate for different reasons.

He’s producing a result and he needs information.  She’s having an experience, an experience of connection, and it’s about emotion.  Any time two people do things with different objectives, we’re bound to run into trouble.

Stop resisting! Men and women are different.
Men do what men do, women do what women do.  If you resist, it is way too painful.



2) A woman’s experience is enriched by details.  Men want the facts.

Men are a lot more like Sergeant Joe Friday was in Dragnet, “Just the facts ma’am, just the facts,” while women are a lot more like Sandra Day in Grease, “Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more.”

We’re simply different. Don’t fight it!


3) A woman starts out full, and she needs to empty. A man actually starts out empty, and gets full.

What do I mean by that? It’s actually pretty simple.

Guys, she needs you to listen while she gets it all out. And no, you do not need to get every detail, but what you do need to get is what she’s experiencing, or more specifically, what she’s feeling.

Women, he needs space.  Space to feel! And, when you give him that space to feel, you’ll get the words that you want. As a bonus, you’ll likely get the emotions too.

So, shh!  Wait!  Give him that space.


4) Men and women end upset differently.

Guys, this is why when she’s upset she seems to talk forever!    Upset is complete for a man when the problem is solved. So, if she’s upset that the trash wasn’t taken out, and he takes the trash out, problem solved, right?  It doesn’t work that way for women.

Upset is over for a woman when she feels heard.  It’s not hearing the words, it’s about hearing how she feels.

So if the upset is,”You didn’t take out the trash.”  It’s not hearing the words, “You didn’t take out the trash,” it’s hearing the feeling, “I felt disappointed that you didn’t take out the trash.”

No, she didn’t say the words, “I’m disappointed,” but that’s what she wants you to hear.

When you do hear her feelings, you can start celebrating because the upset is about to be over!   You can hug and make up.

It’s that simple.

Want more insights?  Learn the entire male-female communications model at the Soulful Relating Retreat or go to The Masculine-Feminine Dance to read more about how different men and women really are!

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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  1. Mike Rhobes on December 9, 2020 at 3:32 am

    “Guys, she needs you to listen while she gets it all out. And no, you do not need to get every detail, but what you do need to get is what she’s experiencing, or more specifically, what she’s feeling.”

    F all that, she need a friend. We raising kids and we partners in all things financial and all that other ish, I ain’t got time nor do I have any interest in any of the drama. We all “experiencing” a whole lotta different BS, some of us have just gotten over our damn selves.

    • Soul Love on April 30, 2021 at 12:12 pm

      Thank you for your share Mike. I’m sad to read your reply. Yes, women absolutely need friends to talk about feelings with and the strength and depth of a partnership comes from both people being not just allowed, but encouraged to be all of who they are. Then, being loved and accepted for it. A core need for a feminine woman in relationship is to feel safe – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually – now and in the future. I wonder how that need could be met more in your relationship…

      • Albert P on August 17, 2023 at 10:15 pm

        Hi Mike, it sounds like you are under a lot of pressure with everything you do for your family and relationship. I am guessing that you are feeling the need and acknowledgement for all the things that you do. Yes the drama seems soul sucking. I am guessing that you are also in need of some space with peace and quiet to recover from your day but when you are home its full on for the both of you with kids and it sounds like you are contributing at home as well.
        It is very hard to be generous with your limited time and give to your partner when you yourself may feel tapped out, running on empty.
        If that’s the case you might both agree to table it for later once the kids are in bed and the chores are done and you have more in your tank. Listen and reflect what you hear and put a name to the emotion she might be feeling (remember women need to feel loved cherished and safe). eg. “I forgot to take the trash out today and you may have felt that I don’t care about you.” A few exchanges later of reflecting attaching an emotion a hug and its over. This takes longer at first because there may be a lot of back log and jumping around, but it can be so fast and build intimacy.
        Now you pick another scheduled night a pick ONE of your grievances, men need to feel (important, respected, loved). i am guessing like most men anger us always first but beneath that are the full range of emotions that your partner may help you distinguish. I am guessing that you don’t feel acknowledged for what you have done and feel its only the one thing you forgot that gets attention (negative). you may want to ask for two things she appreciated before she brings up the criticism. Just crazy thoughts from a man struggling in the dark like most of us.

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