Orgasmic Living Requires Losing Control

I love writing when a powerful experience during the week inspires the words.  Today is one of those days…  The theme of this year feels as if it centers on the idea of living orgasmically.  What does that really mean though?  

For me… and what I’m sharing in my events and workshops this year…  living orgasmically means living passionately, with excitement and turn-on.  It’s become so clear that turn-on is not just about the physical sexual experience, but the experience of living life so in alignment with who you are and what you desire, that you light up with pleasure and those around you feel it, enjoy it, and are inspired by it.  You’ll be expressing and living your heart and soul’s desire in the world and feeling the pleasure, joy, and love that naturally unfolds.  And, just to be clear, I’m not talking about la-la land where everything is all rosy and “perfect”…  Orgasmic living allows the ups and downs, the pains and pleasures, to flow through leaving you better than you were before.

So, I’d like to share how orgasmic energy expanded dramatically in my life last week. I discovered many years ago that personal growth work isn’t really about growing and getting more.  It’s not even about learning more, although new information may support or inspire the process.  Personal change, or growth, has everything to do with letting go.  As one of my early teachers, Brandon Bays, said, “It’s not a game of addition, it’s a game of subtraction.”  The most powerful transformation occurs when we subtract the old ways of being and thinking that no longer serve us.  What’s so cool about that in my opinion, is that the healthy, free, joyful, supportive ways of being just happen naturally, requiring no significant effort.  

Needless to say, I had an experience of subtraction last week and it clearly and dramatically increased the level of orgasmic energy in my life.  As part of my personal commitment to happiness, love, and pleasure I regularly get coaching and healing work.  Last week as I sat down for my first session since well before Christmas, I shared with my friend and coach, Bernie, all the areas of my life that didn’t seem to be flowing as well as they could. After I laid all my frustrations out on the table, the underlying theme became so apparent… control and surrender.  I was attempting to control everything and what was really needed was surrender.  


A powerful invitation to surrender arose…


It didn’t matter if I was talking about business, weight, time management, or intimacy. I had been holding the reigns, trying and wanting – to control the outcome… and my very attempt at control thwarted not just my pleasure and happiness, but my results as well. 


Where are you holding on? 

What are you trying to control?


Years ago you could have called me a control freak and been absolutely right.  Back then I tried to use control to protect me – from heartbreak, from failure.  I was trying to ensure my success, happiness, love, yet it cost me dearly in terms of stress, frustration, loneliness, and even health.  Since then I’ve surrendered so much control, so you can imagine my surprise at the subtle yet pervasive ways I still wanted to take command over life. 

The deep invitation to surrender, when I really opened to it, felt like free falling in the unknown… a little scary to say the least.  And, I was committed to letting go, to releasing the grips of control… and all of a sudden I was laughing… deep laughing… out of control laughing.  It was awesome and my body, soul and spirit loved it. 

I became acutely aware of the potential orgasmic – happy, fun, juicy, even abundant energy flowing through my body – that became readily available when I wasn’t holding on tight.


Surrender is orgasmic – it’s letting ourselves be taken over by the pleasure, taken over by the intimacy, overwhelmed by the love, inspired by the possibility.


If you’re like me though, you might be sitting there thinking, “Is she out of her mind?!”  Possibly… and what I can tell you is that my fear has told me the countless “bad” painful things that might happen if I let go… if I surrender control… My mind has told me, I’ll never accomplish another thing… that people will judge me.  That’s what my mind thought and it hasn’t been my experience… not in years past and certainly not this week. 

Friends reflected I felt more relaxed and happy.  There was a deeper flow of love, laughter and connection almost immediately.  Business felt more inspired and less like work.  These words came to me…


Hold the vision.  Release the results.

Be inspired by the vision not driven by the fear.

What’s your vision?  What’s your desire?

Can you hold it lightly… yet powerfully?

What fears and judgments would you need to release to experience your orgasmic potential?

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

Share this entry

Leave a Comment