Platonic vs Romantic: Understanding Different Kinds of Relationships and Love

Whether dating, in a long term relationship, or even married, some people find themselves face to face with the question, is this relationship platonic vs romantic? Some will hope the answer is platonic while others will do anything to have it be romantic. Others will pose the question when they find themselves confused by particular relationship dynamics. Others still may hope to sort out confusing feelings within themselves, whether they wish they felt feelings they don’t feel, or they wonder why they have the feeling they do. 

Understanding the difference between platonic vs romantic relationships and love within ourselves is neither rational nor logical, at least not in the vast majority of cases. The defining difference arises invisibly from someplace much deeper. 

While sorting out the differences between platonic versus romantic relationships, we’ll also want to consider platonic vs romantic love as well as the impact these two different experiences have on attractive forces or sexual relating between people. We’ll begin by exploring platonic relationship meaning and then we’ll consider what romantic relationship means. We’ll see who might desire these different types of relationships and love, as well as how you might move from one type of connection to the other.

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What is a platonic relationship?

A platonic relationship can take on a variety of forms and experiences. However, the defining factor in a platonic relationship rests on the fact that those in platonic vs romantic relationships do not share sexual intimacy.

Those in platonic relationships may absolutely love and care for one another. They may even make, or have made, a commitment to one another. A couple, regardless of the type of connection they share, even a married couple, has a platonic relationship if they don’t share sexual intimacy with one another. Spouses in a marriage, or  partners in a relationship, that is platonic may or may not share physical affection or romantic love.

People often designate a dating connection as platonic when they realize that one or both people lack physical or sexual attraction for the other. It can also happen when either person chooses for any reason not to become sexually involved. Platonic relationships vs romantic relationships therefore, tend to have a friendship quality to them. One might say to the other, “Let’s keep this platonic,” which means “I don’t want to become physically involved.”

Similarly, platonic love is shared and felt between two people who care for one another, who hold deep feelings for one another, yet don’t share a romantic attraction or sexual desire.

In considering platonic vs romantic relationships, we must note that the designation of relationship implies the existence of an established entity called relationship. Using the word relationship indicates a pairing or a partnering, a defined shared existence beyond the two individuals. In this case, the comparison or contrast rests on whether or not the relationship has a sexual component within it. Platonic relationships will lack a magnetic pull or sexual desire for one another.

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What is a romantic relationship?

As we continue our comparison between platonic vs romantic relationships, let’s look deeper into the qualities of a romantic relationship. A relationship built on strong feelings of intimate, or even soulful love, may have a romantic quality. Those “falling in love“ romantically often experience an inexplicable draw towards one another. In most cases, in contrast to a platonic relationship, a romantic relationship therefore usually includes physical attraction and sexual desire for one another.

While those in platonic relationships may choose committed partnership, or even marriage, most people in romantic relationships will desire a relationship that blends many of the various types of intimacy, particularly emotional and physical intimacy.

Of course, romance is not required. You can have a platonic life partnership, or even a marriage. The question or exploration for each couple will be whether or not they share romantic feelings, even in the absence of sexual attraction.

In contrast to the friendship nature of platonic relationships, romantic relationships tend to have a passion that flows between the partners. The two may experience this passion more frequently and more intensely in the beginning, yet in healthy romantic partnerships the couple will sustain a level of passion over the lifetime of the relationship. Again, that is for healthy romantic connections. Unhealthy romantic relationships may very well turn unintentionally into platonic relationships.

To explain further, most romantic relationships, regardless of the gender or orientation of the partners, will have a masculine-feminine energy polarity dynamic. We could call this the Yin and Yang in love. It is these polar opposite energies that create and ignite the kind of physical attraction and sexual desire that distinguish a traditional romantic relationship from a platonic one.

With that being said, let’s consider someone who identifies as asexual. While an asexual person may not feel attractive energy or sexual desire they may still choose to engage in sexual and physical intimacy. The sexual dynamic would move their relationship out of the platonic category, regardless of an asexual nature.

Let’s look deeper at how these two types of relationship relationships may shift from one to another. 

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Platonic vs romantic: when you want one to be the other

As we mentioned earlier, one of the common times where we hear about platonic relationships happens when two people who have been dating and they realize that one or both people don’t have the level of physical attraction and desire they need in order to sustain a long-term or lifetime partnership. If the two choose to remain friends and involved in each other‘s lives, after they stop dating, they may consider their relationship a platonic vs romantic one. Here the two may have put each other in the friend zone.

Those already in long-term romantic partnerships or marriages, who, as we mentioned above, haven’t taken care of their connection, who have ended up in unhealthy patterns in their relationship, may move into what we would call the roommate zone, also known as a platonic marriage.

In both of these cases, the friend zone or the roommate zone, if one or both people wish to move the relationship back from platonic to romantic, they must consider what lies underneath their lack of attraction and passion. For most couples this again relates to neutralized or reversed sexual polarity. 

In today’s world, many men, women, and people have lost touch with their authentic sexual essence. This in turn invisibly, yet directly, impacts the way they feel or don’t feel physical and sexual attraction. The solution? Discover your authentic sexual essence and embody it in hopes of reestablishing, polarity, and hence the power of attraction.

We must add that couples in long-term relationships who have ended up in the roommate zone, in addition to considering polarity dynamics, will also need to consider any unresolved conflicts between them, if they hope to shift the platonic vs romantic experience in their relationship.

Finally, if someone in a romantic relationship wants to move to a platonic relationship, we suggest that they explore the feelings and motivation behind that desire. It may actually indicate unmet needs, unrealistic expectations, buried hurts, and other core relationship issues. While there is nothing wrong with moving from a romantic relationship to a platonic relationship, the mere existence of the desire may mask deeper issues that once resolved, could restore the beautiful love and intimacy, once shared.

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The form of love and relationship that people or couples share has no correct or right expression. The desire for, and commitment to, authenticity must lie at the heart of every connection, platonic vs romantic vs otherwise. You cannot go wrong in your choice. However, your fears and insecurities, in an attempt to protect you, may lead you onto the pathway of a relationship that isn’t necessarily of highest service to your heart.

Soul connections, surprising to many, invite us not into just our greatest joy and truest love, they also invite us onto the deepest path of personal and spiritual growth. Soul connections will bring us exquisitely ecstatic moments, and they will, also, by definition, challenge us to meet the unhealed and unloved aspects of our personality and soul. 

Soulful relationships will challenge us to look deeper within to find our true selves, and sometimes the platonic vs romantic question becomes part of that inward journey. It may eventually curate part of the healing that brings you into both your individual wholeness and your most exquisite experiences of shared love.

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…