Self Love for Men: 9 Powerful and Potent Practices

Sadly, for many, the idea of self love for men seems like an oxymoron. Our society overall tends to believe that only women engage in self love. Yet this perspective has caused much harm to men. It’s a harm that many men themselves would not recognize and might even deny for fear of somehow being judged as soft or weak.

Yet, developing a healthy love of self matters for all human beings. The importance of self-love does not vary by gender, identity, culture, or religion. Self love forms the foundation of every good life. We need self love to feel consistently happy. We need self-love to care for our bodies and maintain our well-being. To bring our dreams to life we must have self love. To build happy, healthy, and sustainable relationships we must experience self love.

As a matter of fact, you’ll see momentarily, it is the very lack of self-love for men, for women, for all beings that causes the destruction of so many intimate relationships.

Here we will explain what self love for men is while also exploring the question ‘how does self-love for men differ from self-love for women?’ We’ll continue by exploring the most important and most potent self love practices for men. Finally, we’ll conclude with what men who practice self love need to know in order to love a woman well.

Let’s dive in…

---

The essence of self love for men, women, all beings

Self-love by definition means relating to ourselves in a loving, kind, compassionate, and encouraging way. True self love garners respect and honor for oneself while also revealing a conscious admiration and even pride in oneself. The deepest expressions of self love invite us into an unconditional embrace of ourselves, where we know that we will love ourselves despite our flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings. All beings are worthy of this unconditional love and the best experiences of life start with bringing that complete self acceptance to ourselves.

Here we need not confuse self love with selfishness. In order to maintain strong relationships with another, we must have a strong relationship with ourselves and our own needs, desires, and boundaries. Therefore, to truly relate authentically with another we must first have the courage to relate authentically with ourselves. It’s also important to distinguish between self love and self care. Self love is the energy at the heart of our relationship with ourselves. Self-care supports our well-being.

---

How does self love for men differ from women’s self love?

The essential nature of self love for men does not differ from the nature of self-love for women. However, we will find unique nuances in the practice of self love for men. In general, while self love for everyone needs to incorporate both masculine and feminine expressions of self love, many men will find the masculine dimensions of self love particularly valuable.

To more easily contrast self love for men versus women, let’s clearly define the masculine and feminine aspects of self love. The feminine aspect incorporates compassion, kindness, tenderness, and unconditional acceptance. We experience it as nurturance and warmth. 

The masculine aspect of self love brings presence with self and protection of self, including the ability to say no and set boundaries. It brings encouragement and a recognition of one’s greatest potential. While, again, self love for men must incorporate both dimensions of self love, in order for a man to love himself well he must recognize and honor who he truly is and what he’s capable of in the world, even if he has yet to accomplish it. In general, he needs this self recognition through self love more than most women need it. 

Self love for men, more so than for women, will also include a knowing that he has his own back, just as a conscious loving father would have his son’s back. Finally, true self love for men will allow a man to stand for himself consciously, with an open heart, rather than feeling as if he has to fight for his needs and desires in a defensive posture.  

---

Self love practices for men

Now that we understand more about the key aspects and dimensions of self-love for men, let’s look at the most important practices for men.

1. Tell the truth. While some men find it easy to tell the truth about their needs and desires, others find this important aspect of self love difficult. We know that masculine beings have a strong desire to make the feminine beings in their life happy. Yet too often men, especially those who identify as ‘nice guys’, will sell themselves out trying to make their female partners happy. Selling oneself out for anybody or anything is obviously not self love.

2. Drop expectations. While masculine energy invites us to hold goals and a vision of the future, too often that vision turns into an unfair set of expectations and self demands. Those in turn set the stage for self criticism instead of self love. Yes, holding integrity and strong standards can be important for a man. However, when these become unrealistic they sabotage both self love and success. Ask yourself, are you that over demanding, never satisfied, critical father figure to yourself? If so, learn how to hold a healthy evaluation of your performance.

3. Be compassionate. Building on the idea of dropping expectations, we know that in order to truly succeed we must also give ourselves permission to fail. To have the capacity to fail requires courage. From a self love standpoint it also requires compassion. Men must find within themselves the capacity to be compassionate when things don’t go the way they intended. They must also be compassionate when painful or sensitive emotions arise, that is if they want their heart to remain open. 

4. Acknowledge when you hurt. All human beings feel hurt. Men feel hurt. Men feel sad. Men cry. Yet in a world devoid of self love for men, these more sensitive aspects of a man often get shamed and judged. However, without allowing these feelings, a man cannot be a conscious, loving human being in a happy, healthy relationship. Cultivating tenderness and compassion for your soft side matters when it comes to self love and romantic love.

5. Give yourself permission to be afraid. Men, although some forget this, are human. They have fears. They do not always feel confident or courageous. This does not make him any less of a man. Self love will remember this and allow a man to embrace his fears. This does not, however, mean he succumbs to all his fears. As a matter of fact, wise men know that acknowledging fears, versus denying them, often ignites greater courage.

6. Assert your desires and needs. Self love reminds us that we matter. When a man loves himself he knows his wellbeing matters. He knows he is worthy of his desires. Self love helps him assert those desires without demanding their delivery. It also allows him to change his circumstances, without resentment, when necessary.  Those with nice guy syndrome struggle the most with this.

7. Hold your inner kid. Yes, men, you have an inner kid. He needs to know you’re there for him. He has wounds, fears and insecurities. Despite that, he needs to know that he’s safe with you. He needs to know you’ll hold him and that you won’t shame or belittle him. 

8. Forgive yourself. You have surely made mistakes. You may hold regrets. Yet still, self love for men requires that you let yourself off the hook. It requires that you stop beating yourself up and that you learn and practice the art of self forgiveness. You always did the best that you could and it might just be time to remember that. 

9. Be encouraging. One of the greatest expressions of self love for men happens when a man connects to the divine father energy within himself.  This conscious father energy, often developed through a Divine Reparenting process like we do in our Living in Ecstatic Union program, brings a man in contact with the part of himself that is both encouraging and celebratory of all accomplishments, no matter how seemingly small or insignificant. Celebrating oneself always leads to better performance. 

As a man, you are encouraged here to explore what a true self love relationship with yourself might look like.. When you engage with these self love exercises for men, you will likely find yourself surprised by how much your confidence increases, how much your relationships improve, and how much better you feel about yourself and your life.  

---

Loving you while loving a woman

If you happen to be a man who loves women, then you’ll want to consider the following aspects of being a masculine man who has the capacity to connect to both self love and romantic love at the same time.  Understanding this will help keep your relationships more alive, happy, passionate, and sustainable.

1. Respect. The first need of a masculine being in romantic relationship is respect. Yet, for a man’s partner to feel respect for him, the man must first respect himself. Self acceptance and self respect sit at the heart of self love for men. 

2. Open heart. For a man to love a woman well, he must maintain a consistently open heart.  He will also need to be emotionally available. Developing a strong experience of self love, rooted in the dimensions of masculine self love we’ve discussed, is the exact thing that allows a man to feel safe to open his heart.  

3. Wholeness. The old well known adage of romantic love that says “you complete me” couldn’t be more false or opposite of self love. When a man, a woman, or any being knows that they do not need another human being in order to be complete or whole, then they have the genuine capacity to stop settling for better-than-nothing and choose a truly aligned partner. 

4. Repair. To sustain a healthy, happy relationship with satisfying physical intimacy, a man must know how to repair an upset with his feminine partner. She does not repair in the same way he does and in order to meet her in repair, he will need the capacity to be vulnerable. His capacity to be vulnerable rests in his capacity to love himself well.

5. No resentment. Finally, genuine self love offers the surest antidote and preventative measures against resentment in marriage or relationship. As you may know, resentment is one of the biggest killers of love. So, men, love yourself enough to honor who you are in such a way that resentment becomes impossible.  

We say this all the time in Ecstatic Intimacy spaces, “The strength of the relationship with you determines or limits the strength of the relationship you can have with anyone else.” That means, if you want to love a woman well love yourself well.

---

As we conclude, we must remind you of where we began. Too often self love is a concept reserved for women. It seems for many to be a way-too-touchy-feely concept for most men. Yet, it is a man’s embrace of himself that makes him the most potent and powerful being that he can be in the world. It also makes him immensely attractive romantically. A denial of his self love will most assuredly challenge his relationships and his fulfillment.

A wise man knows self love matters. He has the courage to embrace it fully.

---

Since 2006 conscious men and women have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate true love and sustainable partnerships, while also fostering their mastery of the yin and yang of relationships (masculine and feminine).

If this is your time, we’d love to quickly connect.