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Self-Love? How to “Do” Self-Love the Easy Way

Does the thought of self-love frustrate you, confuse you, even piss you off?

It was the bane of my existence for so many years.

There was a guy in college who literally said I am not going to date you because you don’t love yourself.  And then five years later, I find myself divorced from a different guy.  A big part of the reason we were divorced was because he could never have loved me enough for me to actually feel loved.  The hole where love should have lived was so empty.

Let’s talk about three different ways you can turn up self-love in your life right now.

Before we talk about self-love itself, let me say this…When we don’t love ourselves, we abandon ourselves, and that, my friend, leads to the number one destroyer of relationships, the number one cause of breakups and divorce:  Self-Abandonment. Yes. SELF-Abandonment.  When we are not in relationship with ourselves, a relationship with another cannot thrive.  It’s impossible.



3 Keys to Self-love (and the red flags for self-abandonment):

  1. Know thyself.  You need to know what truly makes you happy. You need to know and communicate your needs, wants, desires, boundaries, turn-ons.  (If you don’t know those, that’s a big self-abandonment red flag.)
  2. Accept thyself.  You have to accept all of you, warts and all, strengths and weaknesses, perfections and imperfections, your beauty and your mess.  (If you are judging you, if you are beating yourself up, if you are trying to hide or deny parts of you, those are all big red flags of self-abandonment.  That means you need to turn up the self-love.)
  3. To thine own self be true.  (Thank you, Shakespeare.)

What that means is…treat yourself well:

  • Speak kindly to you.
  • Share your truth.
  • Take care of you.
  • And honor your boundaries.

    That’s love for you!

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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