Sex vs. Intimacy – Which comes first?

Joanna Shakti’s Blog

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Sex vs. Intimacy – Which comes first?

Have you ever jumped into bed, in the heat of passion, thinking you can just be intimate later? Have you ever had sex hoping for connection and intimacy?  Is it easier to have sex than talk about it?

Too often we can “battle” between sex and intimacy.  Here’s why… 

  • For women, they want intimate moments first and then sex.
  • For men, it’s often sex first, followed by intimacy.

The thing is…

Men tend to open their heart through sex.

Women tend to open their sex through their heart.

It seems like a bit of a cosmic joke but it’s actually the key to ecstatic ecstasy.

Let’s break it down:

Sex is predominately experienced in the genitals.  It’s primarily an act.

Intimacy is predominately experienced in the heart and it’s primarily an experience.

It’s only when we put the two together that things get really good!  But, how do we put them together in a way that really ignites the connection and passion?  Having one does not guarantee having the other.

Here’s a myth:

Having sex is intimate.

You DO NOT have to be intimate to have sex.

As a matter of fact, some people use sex to avoid being intimate.

The truth is, intimacy is way more vulnerable, way more exposing than sex.

We have to risk being hurt or rejected to be intimate. And that’s scary for most men and women.

Men and Women Argue Differently

If you want intimacy that’s beyond anything you’ve ever imagined, if you want love making that goes to the edge of ecstasy and beyond, then you have to end the competition between sex and intimacy.

You have to unite body and heart with a whole lot of soul for dessert.

And, that’s loving and ecstatic union!

If you’d like more insights into the masculine and feminine dynamics in bed and out… Check out the life-changing RETREAT!

I know the pain and challenge of love and intimacy. It doesn’t have to be that way. Find out how by attending my Soulful Passion Retreat. 


In love, light, and ecstasy,


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