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Sex vs. Intimacy – Which comes first?

Have you ever jumped into bed, in the heat of passion, thinking you can just be intimate later? Have you ever had sex hoping for connection and intimacy?  Is it easier to have sex than talk about it?

Too often we can battle over sex and intimacy. Why? Because the masculine and feminine want different things. For most women, they want intimate moments first and that leads them to desire sex. For men, more commonly, they desire sex first, and that awakens their desire for intimacy.

Whether we like it ok not, men tend to open their heart through sex.

Women tend to open their sex through their heart.

It seems like a bit of a cosmic joke but it’s actually the key to ecstatic ecstasy.



Here’s another important distinction, sex is predominately experienced in the genitals.  It’s primarily an act.

Intimacy is predominately experienced in the heart and it’s primarily an experience.

It’s when we put the two together that things get really good!  

But, how do we put them together in a way that really amplifies the connection and sustains passion? Because having one does not guarantee having the other. A common myth is that having sex is intimate.

You DO NOT have to be intimate to have sex.

As a matter of fact, some people use sex to avoid being intimate.

The truth is, intimacy is way more vulnerable, way more exposing than sex.

We have to risk being hurt or rejected to be intimate. And that’s scary for most men and women.

If you want intimacy that’s beyond anything you’ve ever imagined, if you want love making that goes to the edge of ecstasy and beyond, then you have to end the competition between sex and intimacy.


You have to Unite Body and Heart with a Whole Lot of Soul for Dessert

And, that’s living and loving in ecstatic union!

If you’d like more insights into the masculine and feminine dynamics in bed and out… Check out the retreat that forever improves life, love and lovemaking.


In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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