Sexual Attraction: Equality Kills Passion
Over the last 30 years, intimate relationships moved into a space of independence and equality. Sexual attraction has moved into a space of sameness – a space of “I can be just like you.” Although this might have seemed enlightening and progressive to “conscious” men and women, it was anything but that. We did, as men and women, discover more of ourselves. Yet, as we realized women do lead and men can change diapers and care for kids, many of us landed in unhappy and unfulfilling territory.
What do I mean by that? Well, one of the many ways that we moved toward equality between men and women was obviously in the workplace. Women began taking on and performing jobs traditionally held by men. Women joined (although unofficially and probably unconsciously) the business man’s club. We started living by the club rules and often wore the club uniform. You can not blame anyone for this. The simple fact is that up to the point that women joined the workforce in mass, businesses were led and operated my men. Of course businesses and business processes had a masculine nature to them. It only makes sense.
As men and women started to become equal in the workplace, we brought this pursuit of equality home and we both started doing dishes, washing laundry, mowing the grass, carrying wood, and carpooling. In many homes, household chores have been split down the middle eliminating any exclusively male or female roles. We learned that yes we can both do all the household chores, but the real question is ‘Do we want to?’
The opposite natures of the masculine and feminine are actually the very source of our sexual attraction
While equality gained by women during the Feminist Movement gave them opportunities and respect in the office, it simultaneously dampened passion and weakened sexual attraction in their romantic lives.
So what else did we lose when women gained their autonomy? Women lost the opportunity to feel cherished, cared for, and protected. Men lost the opportunity to be appreciated and respected as well as the chance to provide for the women in their lives.
Yes women, men do enjoy taking care of us.
Often today, you will hear women say, “He’s not there for me. Why doesn’t he step up and take care of me?” Of course, our men don’t do those things anymore. We told them not to! We said, “I can do it myself.” “I’m fine.” Many women feel weak or needy or even guilty for contemplating the idea of needing or wanting help. After a while, women got so good at doing everything ourselves that we got indignant and often felt insulted when men did offer their help. Men gave up. They stopped offering.
Women, stop being upset with men…
You might not believe it but they are trying to make us happy. As a woman, notice… Are you feeling like you carry all the weight? Do you feel exhausted because you are trying to do it all? Now ask yourself, when was the last time you genuinely asked for help? I’m not talking about nagging or yelling at your man to do something, especially when you are already over your exhaustion and frustration limit, but actually asked for help when you were in a conscious and happy space?
Men, help her relax… and you’ll have more of the woman you want
Men, when was the last time you offered to do something for a women in your life that would allow her to genuinely relax and let go of some of the heavy responsibilities she’s taken on?
We can come together as partners and teammates. The gifts of the masculine and feminine complement one another. When we all try to do it all and be it all, we lose sight of the fact that our differences – the different gifts and skills of the masculine and feminine, of the male and the female were meant to work in tandem to support each other and make life easier for all of us.
I invite you to start looking at how you can begin supporting each other… What if you were to start being honest with each other about what you need and about what you enjoy doing around the house?
These questions apply to both couples who live together and to singles – whether dating or alone. Women, even if you are not in relationship, there are men out there who would love to help you…whether it’s lifting your bag on plane or opening a door for you at the mall. Watch women… if you give men the chance to help you they will. When you smile and appreciate them for their gift… no matter how large or how simple… you will be giving them a gift too.
Honor yourself and each other.
In love, light and ecstasy,
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.