Sexual Personalities

Is there a part of you that you don’t let out to play?  Have you wondered if there’s more to sex than what you’ve experienced so far?  Are there aspects of sexuality and intimacy that you’ve never had the courage to explore?  Are you sometimes embarrassed or even ashamed of your sexual desires?  Do you even know your full sexual potential? Is sex, or parts of sex, a topic that’s hard to talk about – even with your lover or best friend?


I find these questions curious and I’m amazed by how many of us have limited our sexual exploration and expression.  One of the “7 Secrets of Happy, Lasting Passionate Relationships”, sexual and physical intimacy play a critically important part in our relationship, yet it remains one of the most repressed topics of conversation.  That, combined with the different sexual desires and needs of men and women, make it one of the common areas of conflict between us.


As you explore your sexual personalities in this article, if you haven’t read it yet, another article Embracing your Sexuality invites you to look at your personal conditioning around sex.

Today, let’s dive deeper into the idea of sexual personalities.  Each of us has different expressions of ourselves that we bring into our intimacy (or we have them and we deny them!)   When it comes to lovemaking we have moods, qualities, or personalities we enjoy or that we’re at least curious about.  For example, most of us know we have our slow and tender moods.  We might also have our intense or hard and fast moods.  Many of us, women in particular, have a sexual personality where we want to be “taken” or ravaged (Men, love and respect are pre-requisites!)   In contrast, we might have a personality that wants to ravage or “take”.  (Men, most women welcome this in you… many crave it… it’s ok.) 

Did you know we have sexual personalities that express our divine essences?  They might be referred to as God or Goddess.  How about healer?  Did you know our sexuality actually heals and you can be a powerful healer in your sexual expression?  How about manifesting?  Our sexual energy is the most powerful manifesting energy that exists. 

Of course, there’s the wild side.  We joke about it.  We tease about it.  Many of us long to release it.  It inspires us to send Tarzan and Jane yells out to the ethers!  Then there are our fantasies that play out silently in our imaginations.  What would it be like to play them out in real life?  Or, at least share them with your partner?!


Sexually, what personalities or qualities do you hold back?

Which personalities are you ready to explore more?  Wild? Tender? Warrior? Goddess?


Or have you hidden your sexual expression away for so long that you don’t even know what it is anymore?  Are you feeling disconnected from your own passion, juiciness, or sexual inspiration?  Is your whole desire for sex waning?


It’s time for your freedom!  It’s time for your pleasure!


We’ve been told in so many ways that our sexuality and its dimensions, variations and personalities are shameful, bad or undesirable.  We’ve tried to fit the “molds” in our minds of acceptability.   Many of us are so confused we don’t know how to be.  We’re afraid to embarrass ourselves.  We’re afraid of judgment or rejection.  Sometimes we’re afraid of hurting our partner.   


What are you afraid of?

What stops you from fully expressing yourself?


Just notice… and when you notice… speak it outloud… at least to yourself and ideally to a trusted friend or lover.  Speak every fear… every reason you hold yourself back from expressing your deepest sexual desires.  Get real with them and see if just acknowleging them shifts them.  If not, go another layer deeper… is this fear or belief about what “could happen” really true?  Even if it could happen, is it worth keeping your sexuality in a “safe” box?  Wouldn’t you rather be free and have your deepest desires fulfilled?  It will never happen if you keep those personailities and desires hidden away.

Enjoy the discovery!

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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  1. anonymous on September 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    "Many of us are so confused we don't know how to be"….. that sums up a big part of it. Women sometimes talk out of both sides of their mouths, and what they say and what they do usually conflict. The culture talks about what NOT to do, and as for WHAT TO DO, "you are on your own", Maybe that explains why I have been celibate against my will for 15 years since a divorce when an immature woman who had used me for 5 years basically dumped me and left. You reveal to a woman you are sensitive to their traumas with rapists, egotistical males, and they look at you as a "friend" while usually seeking those same problem males for future relationships, or going solo and pretending that we were put on this earth to live in our own ice castles! God help future generations of Americans. From a baby boomer that got left out!!!!!!

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