The Essence of Love
Love is not a science. It’s not a formula or a recipe… and it does have an ingredient. It’s does have techniques and it’s got YOU.
Ingredient #1: You. It’s you without shields, you without personas, you without masks or costumes. You. Simply purely you.
You do not need to be anything more or less than you are.
I can’t tell you how many times I see people (including myself) who have tried to be more, better, perfect… so they be loved or respected…or so they won’t be abandoned or rejected. It’s mind-blowing how many of us try to make ourselves smaller or less so we’ll fit in, so we’ll be liked or so don’t make others feel bad.
It’s so sad the way we try to contort ourselves to fit into a box by trying to do the right thing (then we hate the box) .
There is no right thing. You can never get it right because there is no right in life. Seriously, there is no “right” way to be. There is no standard against which you can measure “perfect”. You can’t know if you’ve ever attained perfect. You cannot get there. It’s impossible. It’s futile. Stop. Please.
We need you… not some pseudo act of what you think we want you to be. We need you.
Being you… THIS is love personified.
This is love in Truth. This is living in Truth. In Truth, there is only love.
There are no other ingredients.
Love happens when I am me and you are you and he is he and she is she and they are that. Everyone is exactly and uniquely who they are. There can be no duplicate of you. You are unique and can never be replicated. The planet needs you as you… All of you. No more. No less.
Your girlfriend doesn’t need some version or variation of you-especially not one that would make your dad happy. Your girlfriend needs you.
Your husband doesn’t need a version of you who tried to be part of the “in” crowd in college. He needs you.
Once we ARE truly ourselves… then the magic of romantic love and life partnership becomes possible. When built on the foundation of real love (that’s love for you, from you), then romantic love can flourish. Without the real you, and the total love and acceptance for you, true romantic love cannot exist. It’s like two puppets (with two peoples hands inside) who try to get in bed and make love. It doesn’t work. it’s complicated. It’s messy and it disappoints.
Throw away the puppet and you just might fall in love… for REAL.
*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.