The Honeymoon Phase: The Power, Wonders, and Disappointments

Oh the wonders of the honeymoon phase — they delight us, enchant us, woo us, and sometimes set us up for disappointment. The early stages of a relationship, for most couples, will of course hold an idyllic quality because even without intentionally trying, people naturally bring their best behaviors to new relationships and marriages. For partners move from dating to committed relationship, during their honeymoon phase the two people don’t yet know each other well enough to see challenges or recognize less functional patterns. For most newly married couples, they have yet to face life’s greatest challenges as partners.  Of course we also cannot forget the complicating, yet essential, role hormones play in our bonding during this time.

While meant to be indulged and enjoyed, the honeymoon phase, when not approached consciously, can make the following stages of a relationship more difficult than they need to be. To help ensure that doesn’t happen for you, we’ll begin here with an exploration that gives the concept of the honeymoon phase meaning, real meaning. Next we’ll answer the question, how long does the honeymoon phase last, while we consider the contributing factors that determine its duration. Finally we’ll close with an exploration of what comes after the honeymoon phase in a relationship and what to expect then.

Let’s explore…

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What is the honeymoon phase?

As the second of the relationship stages, the honeymoon phase offers a time when couples get to deepen their bond. This includes newly committed couples as well as newly married couples. The strength of the bond formed during the honeymoon phase will significantly impact what happens in future relationship phases. That strength also predicts the quality and sustainability of the marriage or any long-term relationship that might unfold. This fun and enjoyable phase creates the space both for getting to know one another more deeply and for embracing new and expanding love. This deepening in turn builds both the appreciation and the genuine care for the heart, soul, and being of the new partner, that any sustainable long term relationship requires. 

As part of the bonding process we must see, feel, and appreciate the unique, special, even divine qualities of our new companion. At some point, of course, the less conscious aspects of a person will come to the surface, and during the honeymoon phase we will mostly see and connect with the best in each other. 

At the same time, while seeing the good, the best, the divine in someone is essential in the honeymoon phase, a conscious approach to relationships reminds us that it’s also important to not deceive ourselves into believing it will be all rainbows and fairytales forever. Every person, every being has their wounds, their soul lessons, their unconscious patterns, and egoic strategies. 

Remaining conscious of, while not protective against nor suspicious of, those more human personality traits that eventually make themselves known allows the transition from the honeymoon phase to the next relationship stage much easier and less shocking. When we realize beauty and joy exist as one part of the relationship equation, and unconscious wounds and challenges another part, a new couple sets themselves up to experience more wonder and less disappointment or judgment. 

In a nutshell, the honeymoon phase is the bonding phase. It’s the phase where we fall in love or fall more deeply in love. It’s the phase where we see, almost exclusively, the wonderful qualities of the new partner or spouse. At this point in the relationship development we’re almost blind to any so-called negative or challenging aspects of our partner. 

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Honeymoon phase – new relationship vs marriage

The honeymoon phase differs slightly between a new relationship with two people who just made a commitment to one another, versus the honeymoon phase of a marriage. The phases are similar in their quality yet distinct in their dynamics.

For a couple who has entered the honeymoon phase after dating and choosing to make a commitment to one another, the honeymoon phase will very much be a phase of seeing the beauty and the wonder of the new partner. It will be a phase of falling in love. It will be the stage where the couple lays the groundwork for the foundation of their relationship. These core dynamics of the honeymoon phase allow the partners to begin to trust and believe in their new beloved. This deepening trust must occur so that in the future, the new partners can give each other the benefit of the doubt and find their way consciously through challenges.

In contrast, similarly, for a newly married couple, the honeymoon phase is a time of new beginnings. The newlyweds find themselves adding additional layers to their already established relationship foundation, reinforcing it and making it stronger. During this time they may create a home together. They get to establish new norms and traditions that make both partners feel happy and secure together. There’s a joy and a magic in the newness. Again, this all serves to deepen and strengthen the bonds of love in a way that will allow the couple to navigate the difficulties that will surely come their way in the future.

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How long does the honeymoon phase last?

The honeymoon phase, without a doubt, offers some of the most wondrous times in a relationship. Most couples want it to last forever, some even anticipate constant and eternal joy. Yet that would be impossible. Every couple faces challenges and conflicts, only time will tell how quickly they’ll arrive. New couples who want to make the most out of the honeymoon phase will do well to remember this.  

During the honeymoon phase, whether newly falling in love or building a life together after getting married, couples tend to lose sight of many other aspects of their lives. Friends and family, and even hobbies, may temporarily fall by the wayside during the honeymoon phase. While supportive for the couple in the short term, that is not sustainable nor good over the long term. The experiences of the honeymoon phase, coupled with the natural waves of bonding hormones released during this time, serve the purpose of bonding and uniting the pair. Yet living the natural dynamics of this phase too long only causes harm to the couple and those they love. 

That means that yes, the honeymoon phase must come to an end. But how long does it last? The length of the honeymoon phase depends on several factors including how ready and prepared the two people were to enter and create a conscious relationship. The less prepared, the shorter the honeymoon phase. If, on the other hand, the couple practiced conscious dating they will definitely find themselves better prepared for commitment. 

On the flipside, the more aware and conscious individuals are when they enter a relationship or a marriage, the more often they will find themselves not only less reticent, but actually committed to allowing challenges to arise more quickly, even during the honeymoon phase. 

In a conscious relationship, the new partners or spouses recognize that challenges and differences do not necessarily mean they are not a fit for one another, or that the relationship has problems. They understand challenges to be a natural part of relating and embrace them when they arise. They don’t resist or judge conflict. For those couples, the honeymoon phase may not last as long and that’s absolutely fine. On the other hand, as you’ll see in a moment, navigating challenges well can actually significantly extend the length of the honeymoon phase. 

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How do the different stages of life impact duration?

If we’re answering the question, how long does the honeymoon phase last, we must also mention that couples in the various stages of life may move through this phase differently with varying durations. More mature couples may have shorter or longer honeymoon phases. If they’ve learned good communication skills, if they have learned to navigate conflicts consciously, they may sustain their honeymoon phase much longer because they have the wherewithal to move through difficulties in a way that brings them closer. 

If those in a more mature partnership haven’t learned these skills, if they carry bitterness from previous relationships, the honeymoon phase may be much shorter. Additionally, a more mature couple may be much more comfortable navigating significant life issues – illness, death, aging parents, struggling children. They may even find themselves in the midst of challenges as they meet a new partner or marry. Again, if the partners both have true self love and self trust, it will help them sustain this magical phase much longer. 

For brand new younger couples, one of the things that determines how long the honeymoon phase lasts is how quickly the couple faces a significant challenge either in their relationship or in life itself. If they find themselves saddled with some of life’s burdens more quickly, or if they’re not prepared with strong stress management, communication. and conflict skills then they may accelerate their passage beyond the honeymoon phase quite quickly. 

Regardless of age or life stage, when a couple shares a soul connection the very purpose of their relationship may bring about challenges, significant challenges, early on. Once again, facing these together has the capacity to very much deepen the love and strengthen the bond between the two, regardless of how long the phase actually lasts for them. 

So the honeymoon phase could be short, it could be long. For new partners who have just stepped into a committed relationship, the honeymoon phase might last three to six months. For a newly married couple, it might last one to three years. Together the two souls and their evolutionary connection will determine the length of this phase. There is no right or wrong length. It lasts as long as it does for each couple. 

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What’s next?

As we explore the ins and outs of the honeymoon phase, we want to consider what comes after it as well as how you might prepare for the future stages of a relationship. As we’ve been alluding to, beyond the honeymoon phase we begin to build the muscle of the relationship. Life tends to return to normal. Routines and habits right themselves. The partners each reconnect more consciously with friends and family. 

The foundation the couple set during the honeymoon phase supports them in navigating their growing life together. As the honeymoon phase comes to completion, the less conscious aspects of the partners arise. They begin to discover whether or not they have the soulful resonance and skillful resources to sustain their relationship. 

From a marriage standpoint, the honeymoon phase equips the couple with the resources, habits, practices, and love that will allow them to navigate life well together. At this point they may plan for children or grandchildren. Their ability to work through differences consciously remains glue in the marriage.

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In conclusion, if you’re trying to understand the honeymoon phase, its purpose and dynamics, you’ll do well to realize that while we can point to generalities and offer guidelines, each couple will experience it uniquely. With that, it’s worth noting that the way you experienced the honeymoon phase in a previous relationship does not predict how long it will last in a new relationship.

If you want to sustain the wonders of the honeymoon phase as long as possible, make it your habit, starting now, to develop the communication and conflict skills required for any happy and passionate relationship. And, as few want to hear, make sure you know what self love truly is and embody it because the strength of your relationship with you determines the strength and sustainability of any romantic connection you might form. 

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited...

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