who do women look for in a man

What do Women Look for in a Man? 5 Qualities She Can’t Resist

When a masculine man finds the courage and inner centeredness to ask the question, “what do women look for in a man,” he gains access to a much higher quality relationship, and woman. Feminine women who have embraced who they truly are – their power and their vulnerability, their insightful brilliance and there sometimes chaotic inner messiness, their (sometimes hidden) hunger to let go and deeply surrender – combined with the fear that makes them want to grab the reins of control – make the most exhilarating life partners and spouses.

Yet, for a man to fully embrace, receive, and support this kind of awakened feminine being, he must have deep and strong roots within himself. He must know his own soul and live in accordance with it. No, he won’t do this perfectly all the time, nor will she remain conscious all the time. Yet a masculine man’s commitment first to himself sets the foundation for everything a feminine woman looks for in a man. Read that again.

As we explore this question, what does a woman look for in a man or better yet, what do most women look for in a man? We’ll define 5 very specific qualities that any man, any man whose primary sexual essence is masculine, can truly embody. 

Some men imagine that they can wait and find these parts of themselves after they meet a quality woman. Unfortunately, any man looking for a life partner, any man already with a life partner, is being invited to first, or now, commit to internalize these qualities within himself. Otherwise any relationship that unfolds sits fragilely on rocky ground. Without care and attention both people may find themselves treading water drowning in a sea of tumultuous emotions instead resting solidly in deeply bonded love.


What kind of qualities do women look for in a man?

Women, particularly feminine women, seek a man who will make them melt – melt physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritual. The men they seek embody the 5 Qualities of Masculine Romantic Power. We’ll begin with the quality that many masculine men find most challenging. Yet it is the one quality upon which all the others rest. We’ve already alluded to it.


#1 He knows his purpose

Let’s be clear right away that knowing your purpose does not mean you need to have a big grandiose vision to change the world. While you might feel that kind of passion of purpose, that depth of vision certainly isn’t required for a feminine woman to be attracted. You do however need to be committed to something. Something beyond the woman in which you are interested.. 

Those in our Soul Love programs know that the number one need a masculine man has in romantic partnership is to feel respected. When this one critical need isn’t met, any relationship between a masculine man and a feminine woman will find itself doomed to fail.

Without respect for the masculine, the feminine will never find her access to surrender. When she doesn’t respect a man, she’ll innately experience a lack of safety that will have her turn to nagging and complaining in an attempt, a well-intentioned but poorly executed attempt, to get her man to figure out who he is and what he stands for. 

In other words, what a woman looks for in a man romantically, particularly when she’s seeking a life partner, Is that he knows who he is and what he stands for, including what he’s committed to. In a nutshell, knowing your purpose means being consciously aware of what matters to you. Then knowing what matters to you, and to your soul, you fight for it. You take action for it. 

It is this commitment and effort that garners her utmost respect.

The definition of respect in the Soul Love Masculine and Feminine Needs Model is that “she respects who he is and how he shows up in the world.”

A masculine being can’t just expect respect from a woman. He can’t simply sit around unmotivated, uncommitted, unaware, and hope to gain the respect of an extraordinary woman. He has to offer her, actually offer the world, something to respect. When he offers the world something to respect she’ll see it and be moved by it. That’s a woman you want to fall in love with. That’s a woman who can stay in love with you.

Hint: Men, if you don’t have full self-respect, you have work to do on this quality. Be honest. Remember we said it takes courage.

Quote | If you don’t actually respect yourself, she won’t either. Without natural respect, eventually she’ll leave, or you’ll get tired of her nagging and you’ll leave.

Hopefully, instead, if she nags, you’ll realize you’re getting a huge nudge from life to up your game, to stand up and be you. 


#2 He has presence

Closely related to purpose, yet also quite distinct, the second quality women want in a man is presence. In the Masculine-Feminine Authentic Power Grid, the first element of power that both the masculine and the Feminine hold is presence. While the common power element is presence, how that becomes compelling and attractive varies greatly in its masculine and feminine expression.

Masculine presence, when truly embodied, commands attention. It has those in the room, even other masculine beings, stop and take notice, often thinking, “Who is that?” In contrast feminine presence draws or magnetizes attention. It’s softer but just as compelling in her own way. 

Aspects of masculine presence that make a woman stop and take notice include his ability to stand tall, even erect in his posture. This standing “erectness” arises energetically within a man, or masculine being, who knows himself, who respects himself. Hence, presence depends on purpose.

If you’re asking what do women look for in a man physically, you’ll discover that the feminine, in general, has a lot more interest in how you feel and appear energetically. If there was a physical component to her attraction, it would be your ability to stand up and carry yourself well. It’s why feminine women can be drawn to a man with broad shoulders. The shoulders are a physical representation of your energetic masculine embodiment. 

With an erect presence, your energy has a quality of solidness. It feels like your presence holds and even protects the room. It conveys “I’ve got this”. In the private presence of a woman it says, “I’ve got you.”

Remaining present, you won’t be distracted by every shiny object that shows up. You’ll resist jumping to solve every problem that arises. This embodied presence gives you the ability to stay true to, and in, the moment. That assures the woman with you that she can relax because you’ll be there. 

In the bedroom, If you want the feminine to feel safe, to open up, and surrender, then presence is also a requirement. Lack of it is a deal-breaker to sustained love and pleasure. Without presence, you can guarantee her peak pleasure will remain elusive. Her ability to climax has much more to do with your presence than any technique you might possess.

When a man is present, his eyes and his energy penetrate her way before he ever touches her physically. As one client said years ago, in the heart open presence of a masculine man she feels “prayed” upon not “preyed” upon. 


#3 He’s passionate

What does a woman look for in a man? She also wants to feel his passion. She wants your passion to move her, as long as she feels safe. She longs to feel your aliveness. So many women today, internally beg their men to bring their passion to her and her heart. 

Your conscious passion invites her conscious surrender. Feminine women, especially in today’s go go go go world, hunger to let go. They hunger to release the reins of control. Yet, in partnership, they will only consider doing that in the presence of a passionate man they can fully trust.

Your passionate energy invites out her playfulness, even her wild side. Yet again, she can’t do that without your presence and the next quality that we’ll explore.

The awakened feminine quite often desires ravishment. She hungers to know that you have both the confidence and presence within yourself to take her into realms of pleasure she’s never experienced before.

Now let’s connect passion and presence, two key qualities women look for in a man. If passion and purpose aren’t united in you, it can feel as if you’ve chosen to sit back on your laurels in life, and in bed. This automatically neutralizes sexual attraction and chemistry with a feminine woman. She might find herself turned on by you for a while, yet eventually this sitting back and lack of passion will cause your attractiveness to lose its potency. Over time she loses interest. 

The nice guy, in his attempts to be the “good” man, disconnects from his own passion. He will be a great friend but is the friend zone what either one of you want when it comes to romantic partnership? Being too nice, a nice that expresses itself as inauthenticity and people pleasing, always create problems in romantic relationships between masculine men and feminine women. 

It’s actually not a problem with the woman who wants too much, but a challenge in the man who abandons himself, his purpose, his truth, and hence, his potency in an attempt to be loving. He sabotages himself and her potential attraction.

You’ll see as we integrate the next quality a woman looks for in a man, that you also have to be present in your passion. If you let go in an unbridled way she’ll lose her sense of safety, and again her attraction.


#4 He has patience

When you marry purpose, presence, and passion you have a potent mixture for both love and pleasure. For the masculine to be most impactful in romantic relationship with a feminine woman, he also needs to bring the quality of patience to temper the intensity of the first 3 qualities a woman desires in a man. 

Your conscious embodiment of patience creates a safety for the feminine. Referring again to the Masculine-Feminine Romantic Needs Model, the feminine needs a sense of safety in order to be fully available in love. The experience of safety allows her to open most fully and deeply to the love and physical pleasure you bring to the connection. 

This is where the quality of patience comes into play. And, that patience has its roots in your self control. 

When you, as the masculine, have both vision and passion and, at the same time, you can remain present, you also have the ability to recognize when to pause. Your patience hold the capacity to see and feel when to wait. 

That means you can hold and honor her needs – which differ greatly from yours. It means she’s safe in her experience, in her vulnerability, no matter what it is. To receive your love and pleasure she must know you have this capacity and patience to pause. In this she will bring you her fullest, freest, sexiest self. 

In other words, she needs to know that you can set aside your own desires and even your turn- on to simply hold her in the tender vulnerability that might arise in her authentic sexual loving. Again, she is different than you, and if you expect her to behave and show up like you do sexually, she will again lose interest. 


#5 He has a plan

Finally, as we continue answering the question, what kind of qualities do women look for in a man, our last quality happens to be more of a behavior than a quality. It’s a way of being that arises as a result of embodying the first four qualities. 

A genuinely feminine woman desires a man who takes the lead, who is the primary initiator in the pair. Hence, she loves a man who has a plan. Your plan once again contributes to her sense of safety. Your plan creates something for her to lean on and surrender into. The plan you make, and communicate, allows a feminine being to not only relax and soften, but if it’s a plan she really likes, it will put a smile on her face, and probably even turn her on in subtle ways. 

Why does a woman want a plan? It’s actually fairly simple. When you have a plan, it feels like you have a sense of control. Yes, it might seem like she wants the control, but underneath, a feminine woman actually wants to feel like you have things under control. 

Even though you can’t actually control everything, when you are on top of things, then your attention to detail creates a sense of control within and between the two of you. That sense of control leads to her sense of safety which again allows her to relax and surrender any impulse she might have to try to control things. Yet again, she becomes more available for love and play, love and pleasure. 

Now with that, your word and your honor with your plan also matter. She needs you to show up true to your word. If she finds you trustworthy, she’ll tend to open and offer you her radiance. Your trustworthiness includes letting her know ahead of time when plans change. Of course, it’s not about rigidity or perfection in your planning, but about consciousness. When you make a plan let her know you have a plan. She doesn’t need all the details. But if she doesn’t know you have a plan, that plan contributes nothing to her, while the apparent lack of planning simply makes her less likely to surrender. 

Here’s the part that may truly shock you. Your ability to make a plan, let her know you have that plan, and then follow through on that plan, will deepen her trust in you. In turn, that trust in you has a direct impact on her ability to get turned on by you, and even orgasm with you. Yes, it really does matter that much.

It becomes more and more true the longer you stay together.  Early on in a connection or relationship you might not see the immediate impact. But surely, if you are loose with your plans, if you don’t follow through on your word, you will see her interest dwindle. Sex will become less important to her and her light will dim a little bit more. 


Bonus: His heart is open 

The bonus quality that makes you a creme-de-la-creme man is an open heart at the center of your masculine embodiment. When you embody purpose, presence, passion and patience, and you have a plan for your life (a plan that has a place for her in it) you are truly sexy to the feminine. 

However, when you are able to consistently (but not constantly) embody that level of authentic masculinity and you can open your heart to tenderness, kindness and vulnerability (without collapsing into that vulnerability), you become a to-die-for man in the eyes, ears, bodies and hearts of the feminine. 

We could describe this as the embodiment of the divine masculine in a way that makes you emotionally available. When you consciously integrate the masculine and feminine energies within, you ignite true lasting magnetic attraction. 


In one word, what do women really look for in a man? Safety. 

Have you noticed the theme of safety here? While the sense of personal safety rarely crosses the mind of a predominantly masculine mind, the feminine, on the other hand, considers her safety almost constantly. Her awareness of safety floats in and out of her consciousness throughout the day, sometimes overtly, often unconsciously, but it’s there. Always.

So a feminine woman wants a man who understands and nourishes her need for a sense of safety. Ultimately, yes, she is responsible for her own safety. Yet she deeply desires that her masculine partner contribute to, rather than challenge, her longing for security. 

Why does she need safety? It’s actually quite obvious, but maybe not apparent. The feminine by nature and definition brings us vulnerability. That vulnerability opens the portal to the deepest love. Soul Love. By definition that vulnerability requires safety,

Face it. Accept it. If you find truly feminine women attractive, then your soul has invited you to find the authentic parts of you that will be her sacred mate. You’ve been called to find and embody within you these 5 qualities women look for in a man. If you’re reading this, the qualities exist within you. You may just need to learn to find them, trust them and live them. Open heartedly. 


Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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