what does friend zone mean

What does friend zone mean and how do we end up there?

This all-too-common dating scenario will leave us confused and asking “what does friend zone mean?” You meet someone and start to develop a connection, only to quickly realize that a romantic interest isn’t mutual. Or, you have a platonic relationship with someone and you’re in that awkward cusp between longing for more and knowing they don’t feel the same. Suddenly, your hope of becoming more than “just friends” has evaporated and you are left feeling upset, rejected, or even betrayed. You’ve been relegated to the dreaded “friend zone.” 

It’s no secret that being in the friend zone can make us feel like victims of love, with our loving feelings disregarded as if they don’t matter. With a little understanding about how this dynamic works and what steps you can take – both subtly or otherwise – you can begin to attract the partner you’ve always wanted.


What does friend zone really mean?

When we ask what does friend zone mean, we can be experiencing one of several things in our romantic life. It might feel like unrequited love where you feel what seems like true love for the other person and it’s not reciprocated. They simply don’t love you the way you are drawn to love them. 

More commonly, friend zone really means that one person lacks a romantic attraction even though the other person feels that intimate attraction. Another way to find ourselves relegated to the friend zone happens with the absence of sexual chemistry in one or both people. Quite often, as you’ll see, this lack of attraction in the friend zone results from a lack either authenticity or masculine-feminine polarity. 

Being put in the friend zone can happen as early as the first date, or even before. It can sound like, “You’re great and I just want to be friends.”


What does it mean to be in the friend zone?

What does friend zone mean if you already have an ongoing connection of some sort with the person? Basically, it means your relationship can’t advance in the way you might have hoped – at least not with the current energy dynamics between you. 

Being friend-zoned can feel like a real kick to self esteem. You can feel helpless to change things. And no one likes the sting of rejection or brooding in self-doubt, walking away with a bruised ego after being denied that chance at romance. It might lead to harsh feelings about yourself and asking questions like, “Why wasn’t I enough for them? What’s wrong with me that they didn’t want me? I’m nice – why does this keep happening to me?”

But what if asking yourself a few hard questions – as long as they’re the right ones – isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and that being too nice isn’t usually a good thing…? It’s true. Let’s explore..

Two major things put us in the friend zone, and recognizing them will help us understand more clearly the answer to our question, “what does friend zone mean?” 

First, whether predominantly masculine or feminine by nature, being too nice doesn’t increase our sex appeal. If you’re a habitual people-pleaser, putting others’ needs or desires before your own and compromising too much on things that matter to you in relationships, then you increase your chances of being friend-zoned. While kindness is certainly admirable, being too nice or too accommodating can actually make us seem needy and hence less attractive. When we abandon ourselves for the sake of being liked, we eclipse our authentic self, which in turn creates a repelling force instead of a magnetic force. 

Those who will be a “fit” for us, our potential “one”, will always find our authenticity most attractive, compellingly so.  


What does the friend zone mean in regards to polarity and magnetism?

Platonic relationships – the friend zone – is a neutral space. The connection has no spark, no chemistry, to ignite and maintain the flame of romance.

So what does friend zone mean when it comes to sexual attraction? It means there isn’t enough opposition in the relationship to create a spark of passion. By opposition, we’re not talking about fighting or abrasiveness. Have you ever felt an inexplicable pull or “magnetism” towards someone? That invisible tension is something called polarity. It’s fascinating how this pull of attraction really works. Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, when two people with harmonizing masculine and feminine energies unite, there is an undeniable connection.

Think of it this way… Like magnets, a person radiating strong masculine vibes will be drawn to someone exuding femininity and vice versa. Of course, there are other important aspects of attraction, but this polarity is the root of sexual chemistry. Without it, relationships fall flat. Compatibility in friendship is still possible, but the spark for romantic love is missing.

Romantic attraction relies on a special and unique combination of masculine and feminine energies. Despite oftentimes diametrically opposing dynamics, these two seemingly disparate forces must merge to create the perfect harmony – not balance – needed for an enduring and fulfilling relationship. Though stereotypes tend to cast these manifestations in extreme opposition, both are nuanced and fluid just like the romance they form together – each possessing within it the beauty of subtle duality. Simply put, masculine energy attracts feminine energy and vice versa. It’s this polarity that creates chemistry.

While the difference between balancing and harmonizing may seem subtle, when you truly understand the distinctions and embody them — everything changes with attraction and chemistry.

~ Joanna Shakti


How to recognize sexual energies and avoid the friend zone

Unlocking your authentic sexual essence can make all the difference when it comes to heating up chemistry and sparking real polarity. While masculine and feminine energies are within all of us, identifying the energy you exude is a crucial step in becoming irresistibly attractive, allowing that special someone to be drawn to you in more than a “just friends” way.

Are you aware of which energy radiates from you? Let’s take a quick look at typical characteristics of each… And again, this has nothing to do with gender – it’s the yin yang qualities of the masculine and feminine that we all possess.

Masculine energy has long been associated with characteristics like stoicism, courage, and strength, but its traits go beyond that. Those with masculine energy often take the initiative by creating efficient plans, empowering themselves and others to reach goals. It’s clear that masculine energy goes about much more than just stereotypical displays of power.

Feminine energy often includes traits such as compassion, mercy, nurturing, and responsiveness while also embodying strength and resilience. It fosters an environment of understanding, collaboration and support. Feminine energy can create a deep connection between two people since it requires one to tap into feelings and emotions. 

So, what does friend zone mean in regards to these energies? Recognizing your own energy and that of others can be a powerful tool in life and relationship. Each individual person has their own threshold for how much polarity they require to feel attracted to another person – that’s the beauty of harmony instead of balance. Relationships without this polarity might repel one another or they might make great friends, but in order for sexual chemistry to exist, opposing energies that are harmoniously compatible are required.


While having a strong understanding of masculine and feminine energies can be a great way to keep yourself out of the friend zone, finding love begins with looking within and honoring your authentic self, and the authentic intimacy that creates. Remember, too, that men and women are both capable of using either energy polarity at different points in any situation. By developing an awareness of this phenomenon, you may find that navigating out of the dreaded “friend zone” can become much more manageable than ever before.


Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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