What is a Marriage Retreat? A Definitive Guide

Spouses wanting to heal shared pain, spouses wanting to take their connection to the next level, together might wonder, what is a marriage retreat? They ask a good question, a question that holds the capacity to ignite a transformative pivot point in their relationship.

A marriage retreat offers a potent opportunity to expand and deepen the love between you, or if, on the other hand, your love and connection has felt strained, this kind of retreat creates a space to reconnect to yourselves, to each other and what matters most to both of you. At the right marriage retreat you have the chance to touch back into the heart of what brought you together in the first place. 

With that, spouses will never go back to where they were in the beginning, and nor should they want to. No matter what has happened, no matter how good, or how painful, your relationship feels to you at the moment, at a marriage retreat you have the opportunity to unite the initial depth of love that brought you together, with the wisdom of your shared journey, and the bond forged through the blessings and challenges of your lives together thus far. That isn’t to say that both of you will necessarily feel excited about the idea of a marriage retreat. Naturally, one spouse or the other can feel resistant. 

Here we will consider what a marriage Retreat truly is and the opportunities it can bring to your relationship. We’ll consider the possible frameworks and formats of a marriage retreat as well as how to select the best one for you. Finally, because doubt is normal, we’ll highlight what makes the experience successful for partners, as we answer the question: will a marriage retreat work for us?

Let’s explore…  

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Weekend marriage retreat – What’s possible?

Depending on the type of marriage retreat you might choose, you can anticipate a variety of potential changes in your relationship. Many partners find themselves shocked by how much can shift very quickly, even within 48 hours at a weekend marriage retreat. 

It’s also important for spouses to realize that they can’t resolve years or decades of pain in just a few short days. It takes time to heal, to transform and to grow. At the same time, most are shocked at how much can be repaired and renewed in just a weekend. 

Of course, you’ll want to honor each partner’s natural pacing and capacity for change. If you take one step at a time, individually and together, if you show up with a willingness even in the face of doubt, if you take a chance on your marriage the benefits can be endless. 

Here’s just a bit of what’s possible when you understand what a marriage retreat is and find the courage to attend. Marriage retreats often focus on these topics:

Understanding the differences between you to better honor and love each other. This especially matters for hetrosexual partners or those with a masculine-feminine polarity dynamic. Women and feminine beings have very different needs, desires, turn ons, turns offs, and ways of repairing conflict than their male or masculine partners. Not understanding these differences has caused immense unnecessary pain for many spouses. 

Communicating more effectively. Very few people remember being taught how to communicate consciously. They also rarely realize the critical importance of expressing themselves authentically to their partner, especially when they don’t think their partner will like what they have to say. We however know that those couples who learn to communicate honestly with gentleness and compassion find endless depths of love that carry them through all that life has to offer, together. Authenticity and conscious communication combine to offer a powerful pathway to lasting happy marriages.  

Creating emotional intimacy and renewed love. Emotions are the language of intimacy and it is intimacy that creates the strong bond that holds spouses together, even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts. If your marriage has a female or feminine partner, this couldn’t hold more importance. Too often the feminine, especially in the busyness of life, finds she can no longer feel her partner’s heart. He might have started to close it off, she might feel too overwhelmed to notice it, and it’s often both. It’s neither her fault, nor his. Yet, without the bond of the heart, the feminine will lose interest in physical intimacy and can even fall out of love. 

Deepening physical intimacy. Physical intimacy matters in a sustainable marriage and in today’s world so many things get in the way that dampen, if not extinguish, the shared passion spouses once knew. While understandable of course, no marriage will thrive in the absence of physical intimacy. Some marriage retreats create the space to discover why passion has faded making you feel more like roommates. More importantly, certain retreats can show you exactly how to reunite in both heart and sex. In masculine-feminine relationships, you’ll begin to see that it’s not sex vs. affection. 

Resolving long held conflict. Handling and moving through conflict effectively is also something most of us were never taught. However, partners’ ability to truly and effectively resolve conflict correlates directly with the quality of the marriage and the depth of love and passion the two share. A good marriage retreat will help you see the unspoken pain that lies between you and your partner while showing you a pathway to healing. When you repair what hurts between you, even if it only hurts in one partner, you will both find not only a renewed love, but a deeper love than you’ve ever shared before. 

As you consider the topics, know that some marriage retreats will focus on one of these areas in depth, while other retreats will blend topics to serve reconnection and deepening heart, mind, body, spirit, and soul love. 

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Marriage retreat questions 

As you begin to consider if a marriage retreat is right for you and how you might select one, let’s first explore a few of the most common questions about marriage retreats. 

What to expect at a marriage retreat? 

Marriage retreats will offer you a chance to re-engage with each other in new ways. They offer a chance to spend uninterrupted time supporting each other and your union. Many weekend marriage retreats will offer exercises and experiences that assist partners in seeing not only what’s possible for them and how their love can grow, they also offer the opportunity to recognize the hidden barriers between you and the unconscious ways you might actually be sabotaging your marriage. At most marriage retreats, you, the facilitator, and other attendees will create a conscious, sacred, safe space to have real honest conversations. The facilitator(s) will be there to inspire you, offer practical suggestions, ask potent questions, and support you individually and together in the difficult, yet deeply healing moments that often arise for spouses. 

Who attends?

Any married couple can attend a marriage retreat. Ideally, even newlyweds would consider attending. The sooner partners discover how to best love, communicate, resolve conflict, and grow together in intimacy, the more years of truly wedded bliss they can share. Every couple will face challenges, so being prepared when it happens makes a difference.

For those beyond the honeymoon stage, spouses who find themselves at weekend marriage retreats include newly “empty nestors” who may feel disconnected, but now have time to focus on one another again. No matter how long they have been together, spouses struggling with conflict, communication or physical intimacy issues can deeply benefit. Those contemplating divorce may seek out a marriage retreat as a final attempt to resolve the challenges between them. 

And, of course, happy partners who simply want even more from their marriage together attend as well. 

What is the optimal length of a marriage retreat?

You won’t find an optimal length of a marriage retreat that fits every couple. The optimal length is really the timing that works best for your schedules, budgets, and comfort levels. While weeklong marriage retreats offer space and time to explore many dimensions of marriage dynamics and issues, sometimes partners feel more comfortable starting out with a weekend retreat. As they realize the benefits they may choose a longer retreat, or choose a weekend retreat once or twice a year.  

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How to select the best one for you

You have many choices when it comes to choosing the best marriage retreat for you. Some of the things you’ll want to consider include. 

Private vs Group – Do you and your partner want to work privately with a facilitator or are you open to spending time with others committed to conscious love and relationships? While private couples retreats aren’t as common, they offer an opportunity for dedicated deep work that can inspire huge changes in a short period of time while also keeping marital dynamics confidential.  With that being said, many couples choose a group environment where learning and growth can be accelerated by being in community with others on a similar relationship journey. 

What’s the energetic container? Some marriage retreats have a spiritual or religious backdrop. Others can take a more logical, technique based approach, while others focus on creating a foundation for conscious communication, discovery, and healing for partners. Many find that retreats that blend heartful emotional connection, with experiential practices, and practical wisdom to be the most effective. Most importantly, you want a retreat facilitator committed to holding a conscious, intentional and safe space for all aspects of your relationship as well as what might arise while you’re participating in the retreat.

Location? Here you’ll want to consider… Is the location accessible to you? Can you get there easily and will you be comfortable in the accommodations? Can you stay on site at the retreat location?

What topics and issues are important for your marriage? You’ll want to pick a retreat that supports the true needs and desires of your partnership. Again, a marriage retreat can focus on a single topic or blend several. You’ll want to pick one that feels like it best supports the two of you and your needs at this moment. Of course also remember you may need more than one marriage retreat, or ongoing coaching, to evolve your relationship to the depths of love and intimacy you desire. 

Is there post retreat support? How well you integrate, embody, and practice what you learn at a weekend marriage retreat depends on what happens in the days and weeks after you return home. Ideally, your retreat will include follow up support from the facilitator that assists you in bringing what you learned and discovered home to your daily lives. Post retreat support should also help you address any roadblocks or issues that might stand in your way going forward. 

When choosing the best marriage retreat for you, consider the feelings and perspectives of both partners. Look for common ground in your desires and your comfort levels. Of course know that it’s completely natural for you to feel nervous committing. Some couples feel only excitement, and more commonly one partner, if not both, feels a bit of trepidation. Finding the courage and taking the chance is the best thing that ever happened to most spouses. 

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Will a marriage retreat work for us?

When considering what a marriage retreat is and whether it will work for you, you have to assess several variables, not all of which may be comfortable. First you have to ask yourself, how do you define “work” for you? Would you consider a marriage retreat successful if you finally talked about topics you have avoided, even though they may not get fully resolved? Would you consider it successful if you learned about something your partner had been withholding from you, even if hurt? If you learned to speak to each other consciously and authentically, would that be success for you? 

It doesn’t matter what success looks like for the two of you. Simply get clear on your intentions and desires and then go in with realistic expectations. You will likely finish the retreat truly amazing but what has happened in a truly short period of time. And, because it takes most partners many years of challenging times before they seek help, you can make immense forward progress, but don’t expect to resolve everything immediately.

If you approach the marriage retreat with an open mind and a willing, but not necessarily open, heart you will find immense possibility for change. With that, it is a rare human being who fully embraces change. You will each likely experience moments of resistance. Simply allow resistance to come and go. It will pass if you let it. 

Finally, do not place any ultimatums on your partner. If you do, your attempts to demand change may well backfire creating even more distance and separation. 

We’ll offer that success is progress. Success is hearing and seeing each other in new more genuine ways. Success is feeling the glimmer, the spark of love that hasn’t flamed as brightly in awhile. 

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Marriage is a precious union between two people who love each other. Tending to the health and wellbeing of that union allows each partner a shared opportunity for happiness, joy, pleasure, and surely growth. As we said, many spouses wait too long to begin tending to and caring for their marriage. Those who wait the longest have the most challenges recovering. Renewal and reconnection can surely happen, and the sooner you begin the better for both of your hearts and minds will be.

Wise couples actually know that attending a weekend marriage retreat while things are still good is the best approach to keeping their marriage strong, happy, healthy, as well as passionate – until death do us part.

Is now the time for the two of you? 

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…