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What is Feminine Energy? Understanding the Power

Simply asking the question “what is feminine energy?” carries a power of its own. When you start to consider the importance and influence that feminine energy brings to life and to love, the concerns about weakness and powerlessness that so many project onto feminine energy may quickly dissolve. 

In our modern world, our  misunderstandings of feminine energy, and its partner masculine energy, too often create waves of confusion, distrust, judgment, shame, and self-abandonment. Yet these two dynamic and powerful forces act continuously, and in complementary ways, at the very core of our existence. Without the two, we would not survive. We would not thrive. We would not know love or partnership. We certainly wouldn’t know sensual and passionate pleasure. 

Here we’ll answer your questions about feminine energy and its various expressions. We’ll explore truths and misconceptions. We’ll shine a light on the possibility that unfolds when we deeply understand and respect feminine energy and its authentic power in ourselves and each other. 


What is feminine energy?

What is feminine energy? Before exploring the various types and expressions of feminine energy below we must first understand its essential nature. The phrase feminine energy describes and identifies the experience of being feminine or exuding feminine qualities. Feminine energy in its core expression brings the receptive and flowing, or water like expressions, to life. Femininity when embraced, brings great beauty, love, and pleasure to all of our experiences. 

Mistakenly, many define feminine energy as the quality of being a woman, or more specifically being born into a female body. Femininity or masculinity, however, are not equivalent to gender. While it is true that we often experience feminine energy in those who identify as female, it also remains true that gender and sexual essence energy are not one in the same. This misunderstanding and mislabeling creates a series of expectations and, in some cases, defensiveness and resistance, that deny us powerful dimensions of self-understanding. These incorrect assumptions also limit our capacity to master the dynamic qualities of attraction and sexual chemistry rooted in masculine and feminine energy. 

This confusion often causes great pain for anyone who hasn’t yet recognized and appreciated their own personal and authentic expressions of masculine and feminine energy. That pain goes up dramatically for those who don’t fit the female-feminine, male-masculine stereotypes. 

To be clear, feminine energy can show up and express itself in anyone. As a matter of fact, like it or not, every human being has a dose of feminine energy within. Yes, this goes for the strongest or even the most brute of masculine men. It’s in there even if the outside persona obscures it. 


What does having feminine energy mean?

Having feminine energy or truly being feminine arises from within, rooted and sourced in our authentic essence. Counterproductively, when people start to ask “what is feminine energy” they look for things they can do to be feminine. This approach of trying to act feminine never works. 

When considered intellectually, or as something to do or learn, feminine energy turns into just another set of tasks on the to-do list. It gives women who too often already feel overwhelmed and exhausted just another set of expectations to live up to. We have way too many expectations as a society these days and we do not need more pressure just to be feminine because it’s the ‘in’ thing or looks good. 

However, if feminine energy happens to be your natural essence, yet you spend more time in your daily life exhibiting masculine energy, then you just might find yourself frequently exhausted. (You might also note that many many women fall into this category believing masculine energy to be their true nature, when they are, in fact, feminine.)

Before embarking on a journey to reveal your feminine energy, you will want to investigate your authentic nature or genuine sexual essence, to determine whether it is masculine, feminine or neutral. You’ll then want to ensure that the level or expression of feminine energy you attempt to embody corresponds to the natural or innate expression of femininity in your constitution

Some who truly have a feminine essence don’t know it, or they deny it for fear of judgment or weakness. This resistance to feminine energy can create challenges in health, happiness, and intimate pleasure. Still others who have masculinity as their primary essence, try to be significantly more feminine to the detriment of themselves and their relationships, because it seems like the right and respectful thing to do in today’s world. So please remain conscious in your intentions to embody feminine energy, so that you do not cause yourself more pain and difficulty. 

Now getting very specific, feminine energy is an embodied and felt sense combination of qualities such as soft, flowing, open, receptive, wild, flowing, creative, nurturing, expressive, chaotic, vulnerable, graceful, intuitive, and the like. 

You know you’re privileged to witness and enjoy the presence of someone embodying feminine energy when you feel embraced, drawn, softened, or nourished. In proximity to true feminine energy, you will often feel the presence of beauty, regardless of physical shape. Now, when you feel that way, it’s important to realize that feminine energy may not actually be that person’s primary sexual essence energy. That person could predominantly embody masculine energy, but at that moment be partnering with their inner feminine energy to create a more profound opening or space for connection. 

Depending on your own authentic essence, you might also find the presence of feminine energy naturally arousing. And, in most cases, we can enjoy that arousing nature without acting on it. 


What is divine feminine energy? What is traditional feminine energy?

While in actuality, we can’t point to a difference between divine feminine energy and traditional feminine energy, we can explore the concepts, perspectives and projections of each. Femininity is simply feminine energy expressed. We cannot judge it as good or bad, right or wrong, traditional or even divine. Femininity is defined by, as we said, the expression and embodiment of a combination of feminine qualities. 

The motivation or reason behind the embodiment of feminine energy becomes relevant when considering traditional vs. divine feminine energy. 

Again, while feminine qualities in and of themselves can’t be deemed positive or negative, some will have more conscious, healthy, or supportive expressions than others. For our purposes here let’s distinguish between shadow feminine energy, the “dark” side, and sacred feminine energy, the “light” side. 

Most of the qualities we described above paint a picture and give us a felt sense of the light side of feminine energy. The exception within the words used above might be chaotic. Yet in some cases the chaotic, unexpected wildness, or the untamed nature of feminine energy can be quite exciting and even erotic.


Traditional feminine energy

Traditionally, because many have made feminine energy and female equivalent, we’ve heard it said that women should do certain things, dress certain ways, simply because they were of the female sex. Women were told good girls do this and good girls don’t do that. Traditional feminine energy was a ‘role’ certain people, mostly women, were told they should play in life and in love. Thank goodness the feminist movement broke us out of those roles. Yet, to consider the complete picture, we must also acknowledge that the feminist breakthroughs also cost most women a great deal of authenticity. Therefore, we can simply define traditional feminine energy or traditional masculine energy as ‘expected and even required gender roles’. 

Once again, remember that gender and feminine energy are two completely different things that for centuries we mistakenly thought were one in the same. It is for this reason that we recommend that you completely release yourself from traditional gender roles and set out to discover if your natural constitution has a predominance of masculine or feminine energy. You can use the masculine feminine test to find out. 


Divine feminine energy 

In contrast to traditional feminine energy and the expectations that accompany it, divine feminine energy recognizes the innate value, necessity, and sacredness of feminine energy and feminine expression. 

Divine feminine energy arises when the motivation behind actions moves for the greater good. Feminine energy values inclusivity, embracing, the whole, the collective. It therefore holds the good of the whole in its heart. Said another way, feminine energy really is simply, by nature, divine. 

Yet, we must take caution here. Divine feminine energy can easily slide into the pain of shadow feminine energy. Struggle and pain for some feminine beings stem from over reliance on the innate self-sacrificing nature of feminine energy. When self-sacrifice happens consistently, when one values others over self, repeatedly, we move out of divine feminine energy and into shadow feminine energy. 

Divine feminine energy invites us, as a humanity, directly into love. It calls us to openness, vulnerability and sensitivity. It is our pathway to healing individually and collectively. Divine feminine energy stands for the reunion of the genders, races, cultures, countries. Divine feminine energy loves, loves, and loves more. (Divine masculine embodiment, to be clear, also loves deeply, powerfully, in its own unique and sacred way.)


What is toxic feminine energy? 

Although many seek to understand, the question “what is toxic feminine energy” does not serve. The problem with the phrase originates from the use of the word toxic and its inherent judgment. The now overly common use of ‘toxic’ has implications of “I am good and you are bad.” The word, and the phrases, ring of superiority and righteousness in the one who speaks them, while sending shaming messages to the one(s) to whom they are directed towards. 

If we want to heal, understand, create respect, and reunite with love for all, then we must drop the use of the word toxic. We must recognize that femininity is not toxic and masculinity is not toxic

Now, while the word toxic doesn’t help, we must also honestly acknowledge that masculine and feminine energy can express in unconscious and unhealthy ways. Yet, unhealthy or unconscious behaviors do not make any person bad. They do not give us the right to shame. If we remain open and honest with ourselves and each other, we will have to admit that we all interact in unhealthy and unconscious ways at times. None of us embodies perfection. Every one of us has hurts, wounds, and conditioning that drive us to behave in certain ways, even if those behaviors create pain for ourselves and others. 

If we leave the shaming out and we accept our common imperfections, then we can absolutely discuss the unconscious, unhealthy, unsupportive, unaware, unawake,  immature, or shadow feminine energy. (Notice how many choices you have besides toxic feminine energy) and transmute it into its divine nature. 


Shadow femininity 

Again, for our exploration here, we’ll use the phrase shadow femininity to represent this immature or unconscious feminine energy. 

Shadow feminine energy includes the feminine qualities expressed when:
1) Someone feels a lack of confidence or insecurity.
2) When someone is afraid or seeks to gain a sense of control.
3) When the person hasn’t united their inner masculinity with their natural feminine energy.
4) When there has been conditioning or a need to self-protect – real or perceived.  

When our shadow sides appear – whether it be shadow masculine energy, shadow feminine energy, or other shadow aspects of our character – they simply act as invitations to relate more deeply with ourselves. They invite us to move toward self-inquiry and self-understanding so that we may transmute and transform what no longer serves. 

Please know that exploring the unconscious side of feminine energy may stir unpleasant feelings. You may feel uncomfortable. It might trigger judgment of self or other. So, go slowly. Get support if you need it. Coming into conscious relationship with ourselves and our innate feminine energy – as well as the feminine energy that expresses in others, male or female – couldn’t hold more importance today. 

With that being said, be gentle with yourself and each other as you read on. 


In our unconscious patterns and behaviors, feminine energy can include manipulation, deception, ungrounded chaos, drama, passive-aggressiveness and the like. Our shadow feminine energy may seduce us into dropping our boundaries, saying yes when we want to say no. It may invite us to grasp and hold on, even when holding on isn’t good for us. 

Remember that recognizing shadow feminine energy in ourselves simply invites us to evolve our expression of our innate and divine feminine energy. It does not give us a reason to shame or judge ourselves. Additionally, these words and descriptions also do not grant anyone permission to point at another person saying, “you do this”. 

On the path of the conscious masculine and conscious feminine we focus on supporting, healing, loving, nurturing, and evolving ourselves. When we evolve into the greatest expression of ourselves, automatically the situations, experiences and people around us will evolve accordingly. We do not need to change them. We must look within. 

May this be an invitation to know and love the feminine energy within you. May this be an invitation to celebrate, honor, witness and evolve with the feminine energy that surrounds you in others. May feminine energy bring deep blessing to your life. Your personal evolution with authentic and divine feminine energy will serve you, those you love, the collective, and the world. Thank you. 


*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

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