What is Intimacy to a Man: Moving beyond the Myths

Asking “What is intimacy to a man?” invites us into an exploration of the vast and varying perspectives on intimacy itself. The question calls us to consider how our perspectives vary from person to person, especially between the masculine and feminine, between men and women. Learning how men, or those who hold more predominant masculine energy, uniquely see, hold, and crave intimacy may surprise many. 

As we embark on our exploration, we’ll also want to realize that what intimacy is to a man will vary with culture, upbringing, life experience, and age. What a man in his twenties knows and experiences as intimacy will surely differ from what a man in his fifties or sixties considers intimacy. These differing views stem certainly from the wisdom of age and experience. Yet the different needs and desires for intimacy also relate to our biochemistry and our innate sexual essence.

For today, let’s first dive into the foundations of what intimacy is to a man. From there we’ll consider what emotional intimacy is to a man, and contrast that to physical intimacy for men. Finally we’ll explore how a man’s relationship to intimacy, in all its forms, varies from man to man such that you can quickly and effectively unravel the unique misinterpretations and misunderstandings in your romantic relationships so that you experience more love, more often.  

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The foundations 

Let’s start with the number one misunderstanding mistake too many men and women alike make when it comes to men and intimacy. Although it might seem so, intimacy is not actually synonymous with sex for men. Way too often this false assumption results in a closing down to the full array of intimate experiences available in relationships for both men and their partners. 

When we get beyond the myth of intimacy equals sexuality and look closer, most men will tell you that intimacy for them has qualities of closeness and connection. Yes, that connection can certainly arise through physical sexual experiences, and true intimacy includes much more than that for most men.

Men want to be seen and known for who they truly are just as much as women. Simultaneously, men or masculine beings, want to know the ones they genuinely love. They hunger for the privilege of being allowed to see beyond the veil into the mysterious depths of the feminine being they might love. This deep seeing of a beloved plays an essential role in what intimacy is to a man.

With that, trust plays an inherent part in intimacy for him. For masculine beings, intimacy means holding, and sharing, a sense of safety that allows both people to let down their guards so that they may each be known and loved for who they are, imperfections and all. Intimacy rests in seeing and being seen in all ways, at all levels. In-to-me-you-see and in-to-you-I-see. 

In intimate relating men want to share a closeness, a proximity, with their partner – mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. They want to know each other’s needs, wants, dreams, desires, and even fears, and to honor them.

What is intimacy to a man at its most basic level? A transparency of being, grounded in trust that has no secrets.

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What is emotional intimacy to a man?

Building on the foundations we just explored, as we expand our understanding of what intimacy is for a man into the realms of the heart, we see how emotions play an important part in their intimate connections. Yes, even men who have been taught to resist their emotions and to hide their soft side know, deep down, the essential importance of an emotional connection, or intimacy, especially in their romantic relationships.

As we know, emotions are the ultimate language of intimacy and closeness. Because of this, while some men may deny it, they actually need and want to feel safe to be emotionally real, emotionally raw, with their feminine partners. In this acknowledgment we’ll see that emotional intimacy for a man carries with it the similar levels and experiences of vulnerability that physical intimacy carries for a woman. Yes, in his heart a man holds as much vulnerability as a woman does in her sexuality. Men want to be moved into that vulnerability, into that immense depth of feeling, that leaves him a mush of love. Of course he won’t remain in that mush forever, but he loves returning to it again and again, moved by the depth, beauty, and love of his partner. 

Beyond the exterior solidness and stoicism presented by so many men, on the inside their hearts have a soft, warm, cuddly part. There too, within that soft tenderness, also lies the fears that all men face. The fears may be unique, but intimacy to a man means he can let you know his fears and you won’t shun him, judge him, or shame him. 

Finally, as we understand what emotional intimacy is to a man, we find that the importance, and even necessity, of emotional intimacy, before physical intimacy increases significantly with age. The older a man is, the more likely he’ll want, actually need, to feel emotionally connected before being sexually intimate. 

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What is intimacy to a man physically?

Again, as we said, sex in and of itself is not the full expression of intimacy for a man. At the same time, we must also acknowledge that for men, physical intimacy matters in romantic relationships. Physical intimacy must be a part of intimate loving for a man in order for a partnership to be sustained over the long term. On the flip side, men who want to avoid true intimacy can use sexuality to hide from their vulnerability, emotions, and tender heart. 

As we consider the full spectrum of physical intimacy in a romantic connection, we see that physical intimacy for a man starts the moment he touches her skin for the first time. Holding hands is physical intimacy to a man. Kissing is intimacy. Cuddling is intimacy. A tender caress of her face or brushing a strand of hair from her check is intimacy to a man, if he’s willing to allow himself to feel the true connection and vulnerability of the moment. 

Of course, shared sexual exploration and union, along with all of the play and pleasures of it, sit at the very heart of what intimacy is to a man. Emotional intimacy alone will never be enough to fulfill a man’s true need for intimacy. For many men, of all ages, physical intimacy frequently helps to open up their conscious need and desire for emotional intimacy. Therefore, in sustained long term relationships it’s important for a man and his partner to find a willingness to learn how to fix intimacy issues as they arise for either partner so that they can both continue to enjoy this essential part of romantic love for man. 

Physical intimacy embraced and engaged in fully, rooted in safety and authenticity, sets the stage for a man to open his heart to the deepest love. If he allows physical intimacy and emotional intimacy to merge within, if he approaches romantic connection with deep revealing and genuine authenticity, he will invite himself and his partner to, together, meet the edges of their comforts zones and travel into the unknown beyond, into realms of ecstasy and divine union that few allow themselves to discover.

Meeting in true intimacy may even call a man into his divine masculine embodiment. 

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Ultimately, intimacy to a man is the way he experiences and knows complete connection, especially with someone he loves, or wants to love deeply. If he shares a soul connection with that someone, his desires for, as well as his fears of, intimacy will amplify. Simultaneously, as we’ve seen many men hold deep conditioning that tells him to avoid and deny the parts of himself that crave intimacy beyond the physical. Unfortunately, that inability to feel the depths of his whole self, his whole being, his partner’s whole being, costs him, and all those he loves, greatly. Our challenges with intimacy can be one of the greatest sources of pain for romantic partners. 

Therefore, as you, or you and your partner, consider the intimacy dynamics in your relationship, as you seek to know what intimacy is to a man and what intimacy is to a woman, uniquely, you will see that your capacity to talk about both your differences and your similarities will truly matter. 

You will have different perspectives and neither of your perspectives are right. Part of the journey of romantic loving between the masculine and feminine rests in our capacity to see, accept, honor, embrace and celebrate the differences between us. Judgement will always separate. Acceptance will always unite. Learn to talk about yourself, learn to listen to your partner, and together discover the path to shared intimate ecstasy of the heart, body, and soul.  

It is our invitation to you, as men, as women, as couples, as lovers, to create a safe space where the dance of intimacy can ignite and blaze in fires of both tenderness and passion. 

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Since 2006, highly conscious men and women, with a commitment to extraordinary relationships, have chosen Ecstatic Intimacy to find and cultivate Soul Partnerships from their bedrooms to their boardrooms. Ecstatic Intimacy believes in coveted relationships, for all. 

You too, are invited…

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