AdobeStock 54580433 1

Who Pursues in Dating & Relating?

Ever wonder who pursues? Who’s supposed to do what when, in this dance of dating and relating?

I get asked all the time. In online dating should I wink? Should I write? Should I give him my number? Should I pay? Should I call? They’re all great questions.


Here’s four simple guidelines on “Who Pursues?” for you

First, who communicates first?

Simply put, the masculine communicates first. Ladies, I know that puts your feminine in potentially an unhappy place, thinking “I don’t have control!”  And, here’s the thing. If you want a masculine man that steps up, then you’ve got to let him take that first action. You’ll be so much happier in the end.

The second “Who Pursues” situation:  Who asks for a number? Who asks out?

There are no rules for this, but the question I want you to ask yourself is, “Do you want to be asked out?”

If you want to be asked out, then wait to be asked out. Don’t initiate! You’ll end up being disappointed and frustrated. So, if you want to do the asking out, ask out. If you want to be asked out, wait!

Ladies, this is probably completely counter to what you think you should do, or probably what you’ve been told you should do, but if you want a masculine man to meet you in your feminine, then you’ve got to wait.



Next let’s talk about who pursues in texting and calling.

Ladies I’m starting with you again. Let the masculine text. Let the masculine call. Let the masculine pursue. You heard me say it before, and you’re going to hear me say it again. In the long run, you’ll be happier when you allow him to reach out to you. Once you’re in that flow of relationship, you can absolutely call and text… and, allow him (the masculine) to remain in the lead, to initiate the call or text more often.

Last but not least, let’s talk about kissing and sex.

Yes, I may be sounding like a broken record in this moment, but I’m going to say it again, because you need to hear it again. The masculine initiates. Ladies, in your feminine, that doesn’t mean you can’t invite him and show him that you’re interested, but let him kiss you. Let him be the lead into the bedroom.


Let’s end this by saying, the masculine initiates, the feminine invites.

So guys, that means you have to take a stand and call her, court her, take her out, kiss her.

If you don’t, she’s going to end up disappointed and in the long run she’s going to nag you and you’re going to hate it.

Ladies, that means that you’ve got to open into that feminine. Receive him, invite him. I know it’s hard not to be in control, and it’s a skill worth developing.

If he doesn’t call, if he doesn’t text, he’s not the one! Next!

In love, light and ecstasy,

Joanna Shakti

*At Ecstatic Intimacy, an all-inclusive website for singles and couples, we welcome all sexual orientation(s), gender(s) and relationship expressions. In this article we utilize the pronouns he/she/him/her.

Share this entry


  1. Agatha on August 31, 2017 at 12:38 pm

    First of all, thank you for such a direct well written and honest post!

    I have been struggling with this issue all week long and i feel so blessed to have found a very direct yet informative and clear post like this one.

    I always wonder about whether to call, whether to text and most times whether to be the one to say sorry when we have an argument, even when am not in the wrong. Truth is you are right about feeling better when he initiates. Everytime i have initiated or made the first move, i have been left in doubt about what he really wants, and about whether am really wanted or not.

    “”So let’s end this by saying, the masculine initiates, the feminine invites.”” This is my new motto now and am excited about my relationship journey

    • Soul Love on August 31, 2017 at 9:25 pm

      Thank you for the great comment!! This is definitely what I want women to discover! Congratulations… I love the new motto 😉

  2. Isabel on June 12, 2019 at 11:31 am

    I contacted a mans work 10 years after meeting him once. The best chemistry for me but we lived far apart & I lost his number.

    He replied and I sent photos. He wanted to drive up to visit me, a 10 he drive. I have a lot going on and don’t want him up here but appreciate. I got scared. He wanted to talk and I want to hear his voice but I had phone issues. And I am scared. He said tell me when? And because of stress I avoided

    I texted him my new phone and he said nice! I said yay. I am not sure if I want to keep inviting or just wait. I felt it could look desperate how I contacted him but I was being honest that was a really powerful experience for me. I am scared it won’t be the same. I don’t know him just that we made out for hours and it was intense

    I thought about sending oh the anticipation! Or expressing appreciation for wanting to drive up here… I hate games & hard to get and I think he suspects that is what I am doing…. I put myself out there & felt vulnerable bc that was my only option to see if we still have physical chemistry but I know that men do need to chase or it won’t be as fulfilling

Leave a Comment